I recently received the below comment on my last post. I knew that opening up my book writing to the world would encourage all sorts of reactions, and I welcome it. Conversation is key to any society making changes and moving forward towards a better life for everyone. Here is the recent comment by “Kenny”, and below it, my response.
“When you are older you will see how you have sold yourself out. This orgiastic verbal justification over-layed upon of the palpable pain of your words is heart-breaking.
You have not yet met the man (person) for whom you alone will be enough.
Immaturity. The playground of fools.”
There really is so much going on in this comment that it’s hard to know what area to respond to first. Perhaps I shall just start from the beginning. The impression that I get is that Kenny is possibly projecting his ideas onto my lifestyle, rather than attempting to truly hear my words as my own, and not how he has decided to perceive them.
I disagree 100 % that I have sold myself out. All of my relationships are built on the strongest towers of communication; not a stone is left unturned as all parties work together to ensure respect, happiness and understanding in every action we take. If I was selling myself out, I would be one of the countless people who wake up later on in their lives, only to realize they’re not happy, they’ve never been happy, and the people around them have no concept of what it is that truly makes them happy.
I was very content with my husband before we opened up our relationship, and would still be very content with him if we were to close it. Admittedly, I am a much more complete person since we have opened up. I rediscovered my own personal identity outside of our life as a couple. Interests I’ve always had, but had lost a little, I found again, and enjoy now immensely. We had both gotten caught up in our couplehood, and even though we were content and could have continued on a monogamous path, looking back, I am thankful that we were given the opportunity to grow into the people we are today.
Perhaps “Kenny’s” suggestion that I am experiencing palpable pain comes from the thought process that I am coming from an unhappy, unsatisfied place, and opening things up is the “quick-fix solution” to a much deeper and sad problem within my own psyche and / or relationship. However, as I’ve just stated above, I was very happy to start with, as was my husband. We have both said to each other that if the other wants to end the open path in our relationship, we will do so, because our relationship with each other is more important than any other. We are not 100 % non-monogamous, we live our lives very much as a married, supportive couple. However, we value the relationships we have with others very much, and both support the other on his / her adventures.
By growing together as individuals, we have strengthened our bond with each other more than perhaps we had ever thought possible. If I am experiencing any “pain” right now, it’s that I am dealing with both of us recently being let-go from our jobs, and that is frustrating, or that I overworked myself at the gym. Pain as a couple, outside of the usual gripes and groans that every happy couple I know has? It’s laughable.
I’m sure the critics might suggest that the fact that I am even defending against this comment must mean I feel the need to defend myself. Isn’t that a bit of a trap? Sadly, like with many a debate with religious fanatics, a lot of what I say will merely be met with talking points that lack substance. Yes, I’ve heard it all before. By me opening up my relationship with my husband, I’m going to destroy society as we know it. Husbands will demand their wives let them sleep with other women, then they’ll just do it anyway. Wives will all get together at their book club meetings and have lesbian orgies the writers they discuss couldn’t even dream of.
Or, in reality, 50 % of marriages will still end in divorce, as some men and women will eventually leave their partner’s, realizing they are unhappy. Elsewhere, people will continue to exist in happy monogamous and non-monogamous relationships and the world will go on spinning.
I am not quite certain where my foolish immaturity rests, as suggested by Kenny. I live a very happy existence, with a man who loves me, surrounded by friends and family with whom I am open and honest and love spending time with. I learn new things about these people and the city we live in, all the time. I communicate with my husband to a degree that he probably finds annoying, but in reality makes us stronger. I am free to flirt with men and women and feel sexy by myself, or with someone else at no threat to him
If living openly, honestly and with love is what makes me a fool, well I wouldn’t have it any other way.
