Keep up the good work!

Beyond that though, I guess I should count myself among that “secret society” in that I prefer curves to bone thin. Ultimately, you should be doing what feels good to *you*, as long as you do it healthily – which admittedly, is not always easy. However at least you can have solace in knowing there’s probably more people finding you damn sexy the way you look now But, it should be about you, and if that means you work to lose a little more and feel better about yourself, that should be more important.

All the best of luck to you

I have, from time to time, considered a cost-benefit analysis of the poly life. With all of the possible pitfalls…emotional landmines, issues with dividing one’s time between more than one person in an equitable fashion…what are the motivators that ultimately make it worthwhile? And is there some common factor among poly people that compels them to do it?

Experience has shown me that virtually no one is happy with the way they look. A cultural milieu that constantly reminds us that we’re never good enough will do that. But this issue seems to be especially prevalent in the world of polydom (I’m not basing this observation on just one or two examples). My assumption has been that going poly is a way of seeking approval; of being validated and made to feel desirable. Being with one partner for a long time, it’s easy to start taking their affection for granted…receiving it from someone new is a way of being informed that ‘you’ve still got it’. I think this is a big part of why a lot of people don’t start getting active with swinging until later in life.

For me, it’s not so much body image issues as it is baggage left over from my youth – when I had zero confidence around women…when I was convinced that I was unattractive and would never have a girlfriend. That illusion was eventually shattered, but something I grapple with is that I fear that somewhere deep in my sub-conscience, there is a self-destructive side to me that wants to lob a grenade into my relationships, so I’ll wind up alone and have my self-concept validated again (this hasn’t actually happened, which is why it remains a ‘fear’). The self-concept is a very potent force, even if (especially if) it’s a negative one. But I think being able to shine a light on it is a way of not being ruled by it.

And for what it’s worth…I do happen to be one of those guys who likes the curves and a big bum. But I don’t think it’s a small little cult…I think I’m in the majority. Only a tiny fraction of women can wear a size 0, and an even tinier fraction look like models….and yet the human race manages to keep falling in love, fucking, and reproducing.