There is something I’m torn about. Something that many people in or books on open relationships will say is actually a good thing. Something I often preach to people as a good thing, but can occasionally find hard to live with myself.
What is this thing? It’s the fact that being with other people, when polyamorous, can allow us to get the things we need that perhaps our partner might not provide. Most of the time for me, this works well.
My husband can’t be a woman. He’s really not into switching it up in the land of BDSM like I am, and ain’t really interested in some of the high … or *cough* low class establishments that I am likely to frequent with other people.
This all works well, I have lots of friends and a couple of “friends”, with whom I can enjoy these things.
What I personally find sometimes hard is dealing with how others see me, and how it can seem so different from his view. The delightful young man I am seeing right now, along with some total strangers who send me messages and other friends, speak to how they see my soul, my face, my sexuality. When I’m with my husband, I sometimes long for those same words, or at least similar to come from his lips without prompting. Sure, we’ve been together for [almost] 8 very happy years, so there’s the possibility that he’s just grown immune to my awesomeness, as I possibly have to his. It can be way too easy in a long term relationship to take the other person for granted, and it’s important to work at it every day.
So while I know that he loves and supports me, and that he is not these other people, I will admit it; sometimes I just wish that he’d say what they say, or look at me with the new, fresh eyes that lay upon me. That I could feel confident knowing he looks at me and sees the same beautiful person, that they tell me they see.
Sometimes … I want to know that I’m as amazing to him, as he is to me. Together, I think we need to remind each other more.
