I know I wasn’t designed to be monogamous when I start feeling like this. I’m antsy. I’m craving new. Undiscovered. Uncharted. A new destination in dating territory.
Not that I’m not happy with what I’ve got. Steph and I are fine, as usual. There’s normal marital shiz going down, but nothing *wrong* with us. I went through a funny period recently, realizing I needed to reconnect with myself, physically and mentally, but besides that? All good in le hood. (That’s french for a-ok.) To those who say that something must be missing in our relationship if I’m craving something else, I answer simply … I’m an eclectic person. I enjoy new discoveries, people, experiences. Always have. Always will. And I crave it and act on it simply because I can. I get to eat my cake too.
Outside of our seemingly “normal” relationship? Things are fantabulous with the boy I’m seeing. He’s become one of the most important people to me, and I am thankful for his presence in my life, and for Steph’s amazing understanding of my relationship with him. I haven’t seen him in almost two weeks, which is probably adding to the situation …
As I’m just super antsy! Perhaps it’s the lack of time I’m faced with right now. I get home late, and I’m often out. I would never ever say I have too many friends, just not enough time to see them all. My to-do list is ever growing and sometimes I just need to veg on the internet and forget about responsibility. I realize this is the same problem that many people share, so I will in no way attempt to claim it as a new idea. I will say, however, that it does put a damper on sexplorations. Poor muffin.
My dating life has had to take a back seat lately as I’ve just gotten so busy. I’m happy to be so; spending time with people I care about is always my most favorite activity. With some people though, I’m at a loss as to how to describe the relationships I have with them. There’s a couple of boys I’ve slept with, who are now my friends, only? Temporarily? In a couple of cases I’m not really sure if it was just a one time thing and if I should flirt or not. It can be fun to not know, but sometimes the not knowing just makes me not bother and want to start fresh as I fear too much time has passed .
So with all of these “not-sure’s”, I’m craving new again, something or someone either unfamiliar, or presenting something new. There have been many fascinating discoveries in the past few years. Threesomes, girl only dates, office sex, bdsm … and more, and it’s high time I set about to discover more.
I’m not saying that I’m looking for more messages of “I want to have sex with you.” to flood my inboxes. You’d *think* that would be flattering, but after a while it’s just the same old shit, different day. I’ve just decided in my own mind to pay better attention to the people I do know / want to know and see what can flourish.
Give me a map, a blindfold, and a pin, and I’m off.
