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Realizations – It's not ALWAYS about us emus

By samantha, on October 2nd, 2008

I’ve always had this bad, bad habit [some of which might have something to do with *this* fuck-up]. When something has gone wrong, or not as planned with someone I’m dating, male or female, if it’s not been my decision, I immediately assume there’s something wrong with me.

I will tell myself that they’re just busy. Or, I’m sure they enjoyed the sex, they just don’t like to talk about it. Or, they’re dating a new person, that’s sweet! Among other things. However, what I have often believed is that there’s simply something wrong with me.

  • They’re not actually busy, they’re just saying so because it’s easier than letting me down.
  • They didn’t really enjoy the sex, but they don’t know how to tell me.
  • The other person isn’t *really* real, they just don’t want to see me.

Oh insecurities, how silly they can be. Can you believe, it’s only been very recently that I’ve had a few epiphanies about these ridiculous thoughts. That I’ve realized, through my own experiences, and conversations with the occasional other boy / girl involved, that it’s not me … it’s actually them! Perhaps they didn’t want to get too involved because they were worried they would get too close. Maybe they were worried that I wasn’t interested in them. Heaven forbid, I might of thought that they were terrible in bed!

Such a lesson in how important it is to remove one’s head from one’s ass and give other people credit for having insecurities as well, and being just as human as you. To realize that you might actually be pretty great and that whatever’s gone wrong, or the bad timing, might just have nothing to do with your fine self!

Issues, Open relationships, Realizations Series, Self esteem, Sex
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  • Mike S.

    That’s actually a principle that can be applied to life in general, not just as it pertains to this realm. How often do we fear that everyone is thinking a certain way about something we have done, when we know that if roles were reversed, we would NEVER feel the way that we assume others do. I use this principle as reassurance when I feel like I’m hideous. I hear someone who is NOT hideous say that they feel that way, and think “I hope I am as wrong as they are!”;)

    Just found this blog through a friend who is a CBC listener. We (wife and I) are ‘practicioners’ (practice makes perfect?), and this looks fun.

  • emote_control

    I actually went through something similar, but less specific. I grew up with a low-grade paranoid streak which made me automatically assume that people were always thinking the worst possible things about me. I saw them as picking out my flaws and laughing about them just out of earshot. It really affected my confidence and ability to relate to others. It was a socially crippling affliction.

    Fortunately, I outgrew it once I established a circle of friends that I actually did trust. Still, there are little nagging doubts here and there, which I won’t get into. I don’t think I’ll ever shake it off completely, but it’s worth noting that just being in the right sort of social environment gave me the footing to pull myself up out of those bad patterns. Even things that are deeply ingrained and easy to keep wounding ourselves with are things that can be patched up eventually.

  • http://notyourmothersplayground.com/2008/11/13/thick-skin-long-winter/ Thick Skin = Long Winter « Not Your Mother’s Playground

    [...] outsider – other people’s situations can change like the tide. As I wrote about in part of my Realizations Series, it’s important to remember that most of the time when things evolve, it has absolutely [...]

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