Yes, you read it correctly, it’s homework time. For those of you in relationships, monogamous or not, this one’s going out to you. Ok fine, you don’t *really* have to do it, it’s just a suggestion.
There are a lot of things that require occasional check-ups to improve performance. We go to the doctor to check our bodies, the dentist for our teeth, the mechanic for our vehicles, and so on. It seems strange then that so rarely do we check up on our relationships. The one aspect of our lives that can be the most consuming, and often we expect it to simply take care of itself.
After being with your partner for a while, you probably have a lot of things in common and possibly some traditions for just the two of you. Something like my old Wednesday lunch dates with my husband, or maybe pizza and a movie on Friday evenings. You – hopefully – know a lot about each other, after all, you’re a team.
Even a seemingly perfect team needs work, so I will share with you my inspiration for this post. It occured to me the other day that if someone were to ask me what Steph’s perfect evening in would be, that I wouldn’t be able to answer it without thinking first of what OUR perfect evening in would be. I know where we’ve talked about going on vacation, but where would he really prefer?
I then came up with a bit of an assignment for us to do in the near future. Really, it’s something that any couple can do and customize to perform your own relationship check up. All that’s involved is taking a bit of time alone to answer some questions and then giving your answers to your partner to read. Why not just have a conversation, you ask? To answer that, I will demonstrate:
“Where would you really love to go on holiday?”
“Hmm, I think I’d love to go to Hawaii.”
“Really? Hawaii? What about somewhere east, like Thailand?”
“Hmm, I guess that would be fun too.”
“Awesome, let’s plan it!”
There’s nothing really wrong here, compromise is a valuable relationship tool, but by writing down your answers alone, and then sharing them afterward, you are able to ask yourself what is it that you’re into without any outside influence from your partner, or otherwise.
Here’s some examples of Checkup Questions that you could use. They are silly, sexual, serious or maybe related to planning for the future. Many of these questions you probably have a “couples” answer for. The point of this is to examine and remind yourself of your individual wants and needs after being together for a while.
- What would your dream night alone consist of? What about for the two of us?
- If we could go away for just a weekend where would you want to go?
- What’s your dream holiday spot?
- If you could have a day of pure indulgence, what would it consist of?
- If you won a million dollars, what would be the first thing you’d do? 10 million?
- When do you think you will retire? When do you want to?
- What about me drives you wild? Drives you crazy?
- In bed, what position is your absolute favorite?
- What did we used to do in bed that you miss?
- What’s your favorite body part of mine? Of yours?
- Is there something you’d love more of when we’re naked?
- Are you proud of me?
- Do you feel that I’m proud of you?
Yes, I’m going to reference Dr. Phil here for just a second. Apologies in advance, but he’s definitely onto something with this simple advice. Sometimes it’s important to remember to wake up and think “What can I do today to make my relationship better?”. Check in with yourself, check in with each other. You’ve come together to make a team, but there’s no harm in remembering your own individuality.
