I’m not one for New Years resolutions, but I’m going through some realizations as this Christmas holiday break draws to a close. 2008 has been a big mixed bag of tricks. Not only have there been ups and downs in my *normal* life, but dating has definitely been … different this year.
More for my gratification than yours, I’m afraid, here’s my year in review. I can’t offer any words of advice in it, this is strictly a personal post as I’m terribly interested in what the f*ck happened this year to make me SO excited for it to be over! Here goes nothing …
January – A pretty normal month. Cold, snow everywhere, and my friend living in our basement. Relationship with Harvey (married friend who I dabbled in BDSM with) was getting more intense, leading up to him coming over to the house and me making sure the place looked great to impress him (?) – THAT makes my giggle now, because when he came over last time in the fall, I *might* have done the dishes or picked up some papers strewn on the floor, the end.
February – Accidental, drunken group sex at a friends party causes Steph and I to face some demons and realize some things together about what’s ok, and what’s not and sometimes how alcohol can bend some of those rules regardless. Steph travels to Durham region to see the woman again, and we deal with that situation ok-ish. Randomly, I go to a Raptors game with a man I’d only met once, a year prior, to fuck. We had fun at the game, a little makeout and said good night.
Harvey finally comes over to the house, things go swimmingly well. A few days later meet another boy for a fun night, someone who ends up becoming a good friend to me now, though we have a strange relationship. A day or so later, meet a new cute girl who I see twice in one week for random fun. (Husband was away in San Fransisco – I made the most of my week alone, obviously!).
After San Fran we discover that the video game studio we both work for is laying off over 40 of us. Suddenly the month doesn’t look so good as it did as I’m left unemployed. At least Steph still had a job.
March – I throw myself into searching for a job like a madwoman. A good friend suggests I start this blog, so I do! Close to the end of the month, Steph is let go from work as well, so we’re suddenly faced with the reality of neither of us having a job. Doesn’t really bode that well for the sex life as we’re not feeling too great.
April – A strange month. I had a tan at the beginning of it because it was so warm outside that I just worked with Lappy in the backyard, blogging and job searching. Forgive me, anyone I dated, but I can’t remember much happening on that front, though I did meet a lovely gal that has become one of my nearest and dearest girlfriends/mores. Close to the end of the month, I did join a BDSM website out of curiosity. I wanted to understand more about the understanding that Harvey and I had created. Why I was drawn to certain aspects of D/s psychology, who else was involved in these things and what could I learn from them?
A few days later after joining, my stepbrother died in a tragic boating accident. Being so far away (he lived in NS), I felt this strange disconnect. Looking back I can see now how I threw myself into the quickly forming (I hesitate to use the word) relationships, that were so intensely psychological, as a way to deal with the grief I was going through. It was definitely a learning experience for me on how everyone grieves differently and how we shouldn’t feel guilty for dealing in our own way.
The funeral was tough, full of a lot of the same people that were at my dad’s funeral in 2004. The same minister, same decorations, same little sandwiches. It was a tough time and I miss my little bro.
May – After coming back from the funeral in NS, I decided to keep pursuing these D/s relationships and I met a few people in that lifestyle. I quickly learned what I didn’t want out of an external BDSM relationship, and that was to be humiliated and made to feel like a piece of shit. What I had with Harvey was a style of relating and I wanted more of that. Steph seemed to be ok with me pursuing these interests as it was helping me discover more about myself and helping us to define our relationship better. I got into some interesting situations that deserve at least their own book section someday, but we’ll leave them alone for now. Family friendly blog and all. 
Friend moved out of basement, and Steph and I suddenly remembered what it was like to walk around in our undies and not have to worry about it.
I can’t remember if it was May or April, but at some point a good friend of mine and I went out, got drunk and randomly fucked. It was totally a surprise to me, as I was convinced he had no interest, and ended up being totally irrelevant to our relationship as friends (a good thing!). I didn’t tell Steph when it happened because I just didn’t know how; though I ended up telling him one night when drunk. Being the absolute dear that he is, he mentioned my confession the next day, and was ok with it; me waiting to tell him, and the actual act itself. What a darling he is!
In May I also had a random drunken one night stand. Something I hadn’t done since my college days. Thanks to the wonders of the internet though, I was able to find him on Facebook, and after a little convincing, he and I are great friends now. (Told you I wasn’t crazy, darlin’.) I also started a new job!
June – This month was an adjustment, getting used to working again. It suddenly wasn’t so easy to date people whenever I wanted anymore. Haha! This is the month when I first heard from S, and Steph and I were so excited about the idea of meeting a local, open couple. (Hindsight being what it is, we should have focused less on being wooed because they were local, and more on the relationships we were forming as a group of four.) Needless to say, we were excited about the possibilities moving forward with them, and life seemed pretty great as Steph was also doing some contract work right next to my job, so we were getting back on track.
July – Not much change here. S and I realized we were well on our way to becoming great friends and things seemed to be going pretty good for the four of us. Work was getting better as we hired some new peeps, and even though it rained a lot, Steph and I were enjoying lots of lunches outside work, underneath our favorite tree. He was still dating this one girl that I never met and we had a few situations of him being out with her where I wasn’t so thrilled about it all. (As made apparent with the infamous Drunken Shower post.) I did realize from his relationship with her that most of the issues he and I would face when dating other people came from problems that existed before non-monogamy ever came into play. Looking back, his time with her was a good learning experience for the two of us.
August – Said girl from above decides to break up with Steph citing the fact that he’s in an open relationship and possibly sleeping with others as her reasoning. I think to myself “Um, hello honey? He was in an open relationship the entire time you were dating. Did you not realize that before hand?”. Anyway, Harvey was recently married so that brought about a change in my relationship with him, but I was mainly wrapped up in being swamped at work and what S and I were becoming.
September – Work was crazy busy this month. I was published in the National Post, finally, after weeks of waiting for the story to come out. (Read that here if you haven’t already.) Between Steph, work and S, there wasn’t really much time to focus on anything else. Though, Harvey and I were starting to talk again like we did before he tied the knot, and I was selfishly ok with that.
October – Ok, so I said work was crazy in September, but October really got bat shit insane. I didn’t see S very much, and when talking to him was definitely sensing more tension from his gf than he’d hinted at previously. I was constantly stressed and pretty much unhappy during this month. Looking back I’d say it sucked big donkey balls, for sure. Except for our annual Halloween party. That was the bestest party evar! And of course, except for the fact that after months and months of feeling unsure about whether I should or shouldn’t, I finally made out with a gf of mine, and then had a sexy date with her which was a really fun way to spend an afternoon. Harvey also came over for another fun day of video games and sexy fun, which was very welcomed.
I was also mentioned on CBC Radio, which brought many of you to my site!
November – This was a weird month. Dealing with the aftermath of October’s big work events being over, and Steph was just settling in with his gig at DrinkBox Studios. S was unemployed (curse the damn economy), and outside of a Smashing Pumpkins concert I took him to for his birthday and Xmas, I barely saw him or talked to him. I knew he was going through some personal shiz, and I didn’t want to add any stress to him or his relationship, so I backed off and focused on my life.
We all know how that worked up with him being told to break it off with me at the end of the month by his gf out of the blue. AWEsome.
December – So finally, we come to this month. The first few weeks of this month truly sucked. I couldn’t get my brain to just shut up and stop thinking about the whole messy situation with S. I’d wake up randomly throughout the night and have my head construct emails, poems, blog posts, random sentences. It was annoying, and I considered heavy alcohol use just to shut my brain up. As we know, time heals most, and eventually I came to terms with the whole deal. I miss him, and I know we’ll see each other as friends soon, but I’m over the situation.
All that suckage being said, this was a great month for Steph and I. It’s amazing to me how we keep getting closer and closer, figuring out things between us to help us be happy and healthy together. It might sound bizarre, but he truly was an amazing support for me, dealing with not so much the breakup, but the sadness of knowing someone thought so negatively of me when I’d tried my darnedest to make a situation work. I know our marriage will inevitably get stronger, but December was really a great month for making it as strong as it is now. (Thanks babe!)
Finally, I got into the Xmas spirit the Saturday before Xmas Eve, and have ended up having the best holidays I’ve had at this time of year for a looong time. There’s a girl that Steph’s gone out for dinner with for quite a few months, and impromptuly, she invited us over to her house to hang with she and her husband who we were planning on having dinner with in January anyway. Knowing that she was cool from a few emails we’d exchanged, and also trusting Steph’s judgment, I was really excited about getting to know both she and he better.
Since that night, things have improved ten fold, and I’m over the moon about their presence in our life. I think that’s worth saving for another post though. Don’t you?
If you’ve made it through all of this, you probably feel like you might if you’ve listened to a full year in review countdown of music on the radio. Some of the songs were entertaining. Some bored you to tears, and some you couldn’t stand. I thank you for staying with me though, and look forward to spending 2009 with you, my dear curious readers!
Happy 2009!
Samantha x
