Open relationships can do wonders for your confidence, especially when you’ve been in a LTR for well, a LT. Being reminded that you can be attractive to other people, besides your partner can be a great boost and it’s been one of my favorite parts of this open relationship journey.
The standard mantra that *they* say is that you shouldn’t worry about what other people think. Look within, find your own confidence, blah blah blah. I definitely agree with them … somewhat. You don’t want to base your opinion of yourself solely on the opinions others have of you because then you’ve just become a sheep with little sense of self.
Let’s say though, that they have a great opinion of you. What then? What if you’ve been so convinced of something negative about yourself for such a long time that your judgment has become totally cloudy? Isn’t it an ok time to try to see yourself as others do then? To learn the reasons why they think or see in you something that might be the total opposite of what you yourself see.
This past year for me has been a huge learning and confidence journey. Out with a lovely man last night, the issue of my confidence came up and I realized something for the first time. As he told me how confident I appeared to him and what an attractive quality that was to have, I realized my math was totally off.
When I wasn’t as sure of myself as I’ve become lately, I was very aware of those insecurities that were haunting me. Somewhere during the past few months, I’ve started to agree with the things that people have been telling me about my appearance, my candor, my overall personality and sexuality. My relationships with both S and Harvey were big contributors to this. Yes, I’ve been acting more sure of myself, and to some degree feeling it a bit more, but to say that I’m totally aware of how far I’ve come from my insecurities would be a total falsehood. My awareness hadn’t really caught up to what I actually thought was the truth.
Until now. Suddenly I’m starting to agree with the things that people say about me and now learning to find that balance between being sure of myself, and being an asshole. I don’t want to get to this stage where I’m conceited, or making other people uncomfortable who may have self-esteem issues themselves (having them for so long myself, I can totally relate). I still know I have a fat ass, fat belly, and say some pretty dumb things a lot of the time. I can look at myself in the mirror and be *ok* with what I see, and simutaneously hate what comes out in a picture.
But … by listening to those around me more and not thinking it’s all just lip service they’re giving me to get in my pants, I’ve suddenly accepted that I might just be kind of a cool chick, and that’s alright with me.
