This past weekend I met a friend of a friend. He was really nice and upon first meeting I didn’t see anything bad to say about him. What I did find slightly annoying though, as a reflection of our society, was his first question to me, seconds after just shaking hands.
“What do you do? What does the company you work for do?”
That question always throws me for a loop, and when it’s asked right away, before a “How do you know so and so?” or even a cheesy “Come here often?” I’m often speechless as my brain just isn’t in work mode. In May I wrote about labels in my post ‘Soup Can Theories‘:
… more often than not our career can define us. You can be labeled as a banker, doctor, lawyer, homeless person, artist and so on. Who you are in your working life becomes the label that you show to people and it influences their opinion of you from the moment you meet. It can be easier when you know someone’s profession to relate to them and find things in common to converse about. There are obvious associations attached to certain professions that you are probably safe to make assumptions about.
I don’t disagree with past Sam on this one. There are certain jobs that can say a lot about the type of person working them. A vet, for example probably likes animals at least a little. My frustration doesn’t come with people identifying with their jobs, it comes with people *only* identifying with their jobs.
When I’m asked what I do as a first question, I feel my identity being stifled. I am so much more than what I do during working hours. I like my job ok, but not as much as I used to and therefore would rather talk about me when someone’s trying to get to know … me!
2009 has brought some new, great people into our lives and I’ve realized while getting to know them that I haven’t been concerned with what they do during their 9 – 5. I want to know their favorite bands, vacation memories, things they like to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I want to know what turns them on. What they are passionate about and what makes them insane. These are the conversations I love having first and then the work stuff can just fill in the blanks afterward.
“What do you do?” is an easy question to ask at first, but there are so many other options out there that it feels like a cop out.
Think about it for a second. Who are you? Are you your 9 – 5? A wife? A father? Brother? Sister? Fan of Monster Trucks? Opera? Do you wear corporate clothes during the day but feel the most comfortable in your sweats? Your leather corsets? We are all so much more than our jobs, even those of us that are madly in love with what we do.
So if anyone wants to know … my favorite colors are cherry red, robins egg blue and chocolate brown. I’m a night owl who often procrastinates on projects to chat about love and relationships. I could stare out the window all day as it gives me inner peace. I get so much joy out of connecting with the world through this blog on open relationships and I often blog late at night when I should be sleeping because my brain won’t shut up.
And by day? I’m a Project Coordinator.
Who are YOU my friends?
Interesting. In my OKC profile I mention my career in one of the sections, the “What I am doing with my life” section I believe. In it I mention that I’m a “long time computer geek” go into some additional details about what I do for a living. At the same time I mention that I’m explaining what I do for a living mostly because that’s what other OKC users are filling in for that section. That said, my career is one small part of who I am; just as it is one small part of who you are.
Because of the stereotypes associated to being a “computer geek” I tempered my profile to try and get people away for those stereotypes. In other words I wear nice clothes and shower regularly.
It’s unfortunate. I believe it is very much a North American trait, that we define ourselves by our career and not who we REALLY are.
We need to work to live, not live to work, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy what you do for a living.
This is crazy…I’m in computers too and i’m also on OKC and i devoted all of about one sentence to my career. I think just as with Paka FS9, my career is one small part of who i am, as indicated by it taking up only about one percent of my profile.
Also, maybe you’ve already considered this, but was it possible he felt a little shy/uncomfortable and that was the best he could muster at the time? Not that that invalidates your feelings. I just know there are times when I feel that way and I scramble for thiings to ask the other person. Usually it’s if someone else is not very talkative/approachable. I think subconsciously I take it personally (i.e. they’re not interested in me, they don’t like me, they’d rather be somewhere else or with someone else, etc.) I’m working on that though. Years ago I was pretty shy, but I’m slowly working on becoming a social butterfly. So *thank you* for giving me some good ideas for additional probing questions!!!
You’re right P. There’s nothing wrong enjoying what you do for a living and being proud of it. If I wrote all the time, like I wish I could, I would proudly answer “I’m a writer!”. As it was, I actually used that line with this guys fiancée, when she asked me the same question when I talked to her.
You’re right gk, the what do you do question can come up when someone else isn’t very talkative. I know I’ve done it myself just to get a scrap to start a conversation with to move onto something else. This situation though, I got a “Hello! What do you do?” instantly upon first handshake, like I was being interviewed for something!
I’m glad you got some ideas out of my post! There’s always the classics … “How do you know so and so?” “Isn’t this weather crap?” and so on and so forth.
You are a writer in my humble opinion — one doesn’t need to be bashing one’s head against a keyboard for 14 hours a day for a pittance to be a writer; a few hours of quality suffering will suffice
.
I’m fortunate with my job that I can use a few words to make it sound like the most boring drudgery invented by humankind, or select a few different words to make my day sound like a whole lot of fun. Those who take their vocations too seriously get the former.
I like black, cherry red (like you), the purple/grey of a stormy sky and I’m an early bird who also loves the darkness. I learn quickly, get bored quickly but can spend hours lying in bed doing nothing but thinking. I like the wagging tails of dogs and good chocolate. And I like sex, yes, indeedy I do.
Sam, you ARE a writer. You may not get monetary compensation for your writing, but I’ll bet the satisfaction you get out of knowing you are helping others far outweighs any money. (Yeah I know, try taking that to the bank!)
I came to the “defined by my job” conclusion a while back. I try very hard to not get wrapped up in it as much as I used to. When I met my secondary partner I had just been let go from my former employer. I worried the entire first meeting that she might ask me the dreaded “what do you do” question.
It wasn’t until well into our first meeting that the subject of work actually came up. We just clicked on so many levels it wasn’t important. To this day it still isn’t.
Dirty and Mike,
Thank you for your writer validations and for sharing your thoughts.
Yea, I like “what I’m doing with my life” question on OKC because it could be a job, but it could be something else. It should just be… what you are doing…. its a good question and helps add another aspect of your multifaceted life.
It is so funny that you mentioned this because I have actually grown quite weary of this myself. So I started to take it upon myself to start playing little tricks on people when I go out, such as to a cocktail bar or something. I give them a fake occupation to test their reactions and assessments of my ‘worthiness…’ Give it a shot…. it’s fun