After almost exactly three months, S and I had dinner last night. It was our first time seeing each other since the breakup in November. Gosh, it feels like such a long time ago, and yet also not at all. For me, a lot has happened in the past three months. Work has gotten really, really busy. Working hard on IN 09 (shameless work plug, yes) keeps me busy at work. I’ve got some awesome new people in my life and Steph and I have really been working on our relationship. It’s been a busy / good / stressful / happy time.
For S though, not much has changed. He’s retreated into winter. Become a hermit who’s pushed not only myself, but other people away. Over the past few months we’ve tried talking and would on occasion make plans to get together. “Oh, it’s been too long.” “I miss you, this is dumb. Let’s hang out.”
But we never did. More often than not it came down to him not wanting to upset his girlfriend. So I’d get strung along, waiting for us to grab dinner and be our new “normal”, whatever that was. More recently the whole back and forth of it just got to be too dramatic for me. He was being a coward, not willing to grow a pair and just commit to hanging out, as friends, and I was done with it. Had he waited two to three days longer to send the email where he admitted he was being annoying and a drama queen, I would have cut him out of my life completely. 2009 is not about drama for me – which is why I try to make my current relationships as transparent and clear as possible to avoid any he said / she saids. Who needs ‘em!?
Back to last night. Seeing him was strange. Ever get used to someone’s smell and then spend time away from them? You see them again and the cologne that you used to swoon for has a foreign familiarity. I’ve got the nose of a bloodhound, and smells stick with me for years and years. There was a part of me drawn to the scent again, and another part that wanted it to go far away.
We went to the local pub by my work. Most of the time I kept my head down. S and I used to have a habit of staring at each for a loooong time. Maybe it was a subconscious thing on my part. I didn’t want to get sucked back into some emo, drama, ooooooh, stareathon on either mine or his side. Not that I stared at my feet the whole time, but a lot more than I was expecting. It’s strange, hanging out with an ex. Someone who was only ever a romantic interest, and never just a friend. When I told a few people yesterday that I was having dinner with him, the common answer was “Why??” for that main reason. Thankfully I wasn’t asking myself that. I knew we’d be friends after dating, I just needed to see it in action first.
One thing that sticks out in my mind as particulary weird from last night was something that S shared with me. His girlfriend has been dating G, the boy half of the first couple that Steph and I ever dated. In our open relationship history, this couple is pretty important to us. It’s from talking to G that we learned about the idea of dating people, and not just being swingers. He and I were in his car once and he shared a theory about how nice it would be if everyone made out if they felt like it. Theoretically, it ain’t such a bad idea, and it’s one that I’ve shared with many people over the years.
Why am I mentioning this? Well, to start with, G and I had a conversation after the whole breakup. I told him what happened, the hurtful things that had been said about me, the light I was portrayed in. I wasn’t trying to bad mouth S’ girlfriend, just to ensure that G didn’t get into a sticky situation. To arm a friend with as much information as possible. He ended up saying he’d probably reconsider his involvent. And now I find out both he and his wife are over there for dinner a few weeks ago.
Now fair enough, this community is small in Toronto. I’m never one to say what someone should or should not do. Who they can and can’t hang out with. Devil’s advocating everything is one of my blessings and curses. If they get along? Sure, hang out. Grand scheme of things, who the hell cares? It still freaks me the fuck out, and I’m slightly hurt by their decision. I’m hurt more for Steph though because he and G’s wife were supposed to date again? I think they went out once, and agreed to do it again, but then she never replied to his emails. That’s normal procedure for her, but for him to find out that she was just up the street, hanging out with our exes? Well, he’s slightly confused by the whole situation. Whatever floats their boats though, right? I’m happy if they’re happy.
Anyway, enough of that. Back to the dinner. Hopefully next time S and I hang out, we’ll be able to talk about more normal stuff, and less of this “blah blah, this is what our last 3 months have been. I’ve missed you, blah blah.” I threw in some stories about the new people in my life. It felt nice to share about the happy stuff and just to lighten the hell up for a while!
All in all, it was really nice to see him. Will we ever date again? On my end it’s hard to say. There’s a lot of good in my life right now, and there’s not much room for anything else. When we were seeing each other, I never saw him as young. He was 22 (now 23). We seemed to really get along and understand each other, so he had no age to me. Now though, especially with his behaviour the past few months, I really see his age and I’m slightly back to being ageist again. So the future is hard to predict. On his end? That’s up to them.
I’m happy being friends though. It’s nice to get over drama and move on with our lives. Throwing a friendship away because winter’s made us kinda’ dumb is a silly thing to do, and I’m glad we’re over that whole concept.
There’s not really a point to this story. So, um … </end>. 
