Making out for the sake of making out. Do couples do this anymore? It seems the general consensus that I’ve heard from people is that this phenomenon is a rare event. Think back though to your high school days. Growing up making out was a big accomplishment.
“Dude, you got to second base? Did you touch her boobs?”
And now as adults? Where’s the magic? Where’s the mystery? Sure, nothing beats a first kiss, the tingles you get from that first, second, third touch; but somewhere along the way we forget about those tingles, get caught up in our own relationship history and stop enjoying the little moments as much.
Why don’t people make out? We’re constantly on the run. Lives are busy and work often takes precedence over some “silly makeout session”. Too many people – myself sometimes included – don’t want to take the time to kiss a little longer than usual, just because, but really we should!
When Steph and I go to bed, we have to kiss each other goodnight. It’s this silly little rule that we always follow, unless one person falls asleep first. I can probably count on two hands the amount of times we haven’t had even a little peck before drifting off into sleepy time in the last eight years. I will guiltily admit that there are many times when I’ve tried to make it the quickest peck possible so that he doesn’t think that a little extra mouth to mouth means that it’s sex time.
And now that I write that down, I see how ridiculous it seems, but yet I know many women who do similar things. Sex is a power play item that many of us use as a reward for our partners doing a good job. Taking out the trash, doing the dishes, etc. Or perhaps you haven’t gotten enough emotional foreplay since breakfast. Whatever the reasons, many people – women in particular – tend to shy away from “The Makeout Session” because they fear the sexpectations that come with it.
I get that. Sometimes I’m totally ok with making out with my husband, but not in the mood for sex. Rather than taking my own advice, I avoid the makeouts because I don’t want to feel the pressure of letting him down. Seriously though, who do I think I am? What if he just feels like making out too?
We spend so much time worrying about what the other person is thinking, even our one closest and best of friends, that sometimes our judgment gets clouded. Rather than enjoy the moment with someone we love, being silly with a little grope here and there, we fight it because we think our genitals don’t feel like being touched. There’s nothing wrong with making out only. It’s ok if it does and if it doesn’t lead to fucking. Really! It is!
Those of us in open relationships know that it’s as easy as pie to make out with other people without feeling any of the silly baggage that can hold us back in our primary relationships. We daydream of the times when we can be with the boys or girls we lust over, experiencing our high school romances all over again – perhaps in the backseats of nicer cars this time around. Those relationships are definitely going to be easier to daydream about. They come with no, or less history. You don’t see the person / people as much as your partner, so the time you do spend together is generally spent doing fun things, like getting to know them … or making out.
Here’s a novel idea. Let’s try enjoying our partners again without worrying about hang-ups and expectations. Kiss for the sake of kissing. Touch for the sake of feeling good. Do it whenever and wherever you want, because the answer to who’s on first should always be you!
