I’ve accepted over the years that there are some people who will see me, and others in open relationships as a sort of ‘novelty’. I’ve slept with enough men – and women – who have gotten off on the idea that I’m married that the novelty of that novelty has somewhat worn off for me.
Being polyamorous and then telling people about it means that I’m questioned. A lot. I don’t mind of course, this is why NYMP exists. It is always interesting to hear the things that people ask even when I’ve heard them all before. A lot of the time they are the same questions but the reactions to my answers are often different, and unpredictable, helping me probably learn as much about the person asking the questions as they learn from me when I answer. One thing that does generally remain standard throughout all reactions I get is the novelty of it all.
It’s different, it’s taboo, it’s novel. I’m married, yet I fuck other people. I also talk about it like it’s no big deal.
I know that non-monogamy is old hat to many of you, as it is to me as well. The days before we opened our hearts and legs to others seem so long ago, but I must remind myself it hasn’t even been three years yet. I remember the beginning days when I found it novel myself. That I could go off on a date, have sex if I wanted, share an intimate moment with someone besides Steph and come home and tell him about it; at least the parts he wanted to hear. It was exciting learning new things about myself, sexually and otherwise. Meeting new people and being exposed to so many different ideas was very exciting and excellent fodder for some fantastic sex.
Eventually for me though, the novelty wore off slightly. Being open isn’t a fad for me, it’s who I am. The slutty girl that would rather you fuck her like you owned her instead of wasting cash on red roses and milk chocolate is my true persona. I would rather sit all day, eating cheese and crackers and talking about sex and relationships in a ridiculously frank and honest manner than I would read gossip magazines. (No offense at all to my friends who love to do this!) This skin that I am in now is the most comfortable skin I’ve ever owned, feeling more like my true self than I ever have before. Finally I have realized who I am in so many areas of my life that have been constantly changing for years and years, searching for the next novel concept to fit into.
Luckily for me I have found people to love and fuck that want me for who I am, not just because I’m shiny and new. Not that I will ever complain about someone wanting me for the novelty of open relationships. It’s a fantasy that I’m used to, and definitely appreciate. I vow to never be one of those people that dismisses someone’s questions about non-monogamy because everything we know we once heard for the first time too. I like being a piece of candy, shiny and new to someone. It’s an easy ego boost that I don’t really have to do anything but be myself to receive.
But for me personally? There’s just something so comforting … about an old hat.
Since A and I are so new to it still (and in a little need of guidance) there’s still a novelty to it. We’re being sure not to do this for any reasons other than good ones though.
Of course people think it is novel… loving and fucking other people with your spouses blessings.
They would not think it so novel if you were cheating.
We’ve found that while many find Mrs. being able to fuck others is novel, it’s very hard for them to wrap their brains around, especially potential male playmates for her. Most would rather not meet or know me. That’s just too odd for them. It’s not the natural order of things. I should’t be okay with it, and she should be cheating. To them that is okay. Having permission is not a turn-on for them. In fact, I think they get-off on the “cheating wife” fantasy, where I’m not cutting it for her so she calls in the “stunt cock”: him. Maybe it’s a result of the portrayal of wives in porn as being sex-starved, or maybe it’s alpha-male gorilla competitive nature in them. Regardless, it seems more women than men find it novel, and more men than women find of odd or not right on my part.