Threesome tonight? No thanks. Wait, what??

Tonight I refused a threesome.

We'd be sexier than this. Faster too!

Me. Samantha. *Slut of the North with a love for both the boy and the girl parts said no to fucking Steph and Ruby.

And how I handled it was interesting to me:

It was a long day at work. Every day is  a long day at work, really. I end the day with a head and back ache, cranky and wanting to be just about anywhere else but mainly at home. Steph had plans to go to the ‘rippers with Ruby, and I was going home to blog (oops) and open some bills. Instead of blogging I hung out with the Drapers, which was nice, but by the time they left I just wanted needed alone time.

It’s very rare that I actually need alone time, away from people besides Steph. Usually, I can handle being with people I love for every hour of the day taking time to myself when I have to (ie: for blogging), but not just because. Tonight though, I was just done with the day, so I let him know, apologizing to the two of them for the lack of shenanigans as we had previously planned on.

He said there wasn’t any pressure and that she really wanted to come over. I totally wanted her to; I mean I do dig on this girl, but the idea of having to clean up, fix my very tired looking face and be “on” wasn’t working for me. And my lovely husband being his lovely self said that was totally ok, and no pressure at all.

And then he texted asking if I’d mind them fooling around in another room.

It took everything I had not to murder him through the phone. First of all, we only do things with other people when one of us is drunk and / or passed out, and / or it’s approved as ok much more ahead of time. NOT when one person had a bad day and would rather get a hug than have to pretend things aren’t happening in the other room. It’s just how we work being poly in this house, at this time.

But I held my tongu … texting finger. I said that I would indeed mind and then he suggested they go to her place. (Not an option, earlier in the eve.) Instead of being the super bitch that I sometimes can turn into when he says something to hurt my feelings, I put it aside. I said we would talk about it later and I told him to enjoy himself, meaning it. He agreed.

To make sure there was no misunderstanding about how I was feeling I let him know that, while I’d like him to be here to snuggle with, I was also perfectly ok with him being out having fun. And if logistically it made sense for him to spend the night, I’m ok with that. He said he might take a cab or try for the last subway, so if he does come home I still don’t expect him home for at least an hour and that’s alright with me.

All of this got me suddenly noticing how easy it had become. Maybe it’s because we’re both dating Ruby and there’s no question to me about the fact that I’m included, should I want to be. Or maybe it’s that both Steph and I have matured. We’ve finally figured out poly after 3 and a half years. I’m ok with him being out because I trust that we’ll be able to talk about any of the little details that sometimes fuck it all up, should that be necessary.

I always say that jealousy is an onion and when you peel mine down what you’ll find, besides a little standard insecurity, envy and possessiveness is a strong desire to be respected, emotionally and logistically. It’s always been the little details that have fucked us up and we both know it.

So for now, I’m just glad he’s having fun and that I’ve been able to do my own thing tonight.

(I suspect this new feeling of calm may stem from the chat we had last night about our sex life and how we’re going to fix some things that are missing. That was meant to be the blog post tonight but … well it wasn’t. It’ll come soon and then you’ll get the whole picture. I promise or you can have my favorite pair of socks.)

*Ok, so Slut of the North; that’s an exaggeration. It was just fun to type.

Enjoy this prehistoric threesome now.