It’s a Friday today which means date time for a lot of you this weekend and a Twitter conversation had me thinking about it so here’s some weekend, or whenever, dating advice from yours truly.
Before you take this advice you should understand my dating history and take everything with a grain of salt. Remembering though, that at the end of the day I’m happy so don’t suck on the salt for too long.
- When I was in high school I never dated. I didn’t believe anyone would like me. I wanted to, but I was also living in Parry Sound, not the best place to get a boyfriend.
- When I was in college I slept with people but didn’t really date anyone. I still had a freaking blast.
- After college I was kind of seeing this guy; even called him my boyfriend, but we never actually dated because we’d always end up at his place. He didn’t like to leave the house. In return, I never let him eat my vagina. If he wasn’t going to buy me dinner, he didn’t get dessert.
- At the same time as “dating” no leave house guy, I was involved with a friend of mine doing all the platonic things that couples do, minus the fucking. (Oh wait, that’s ‘cos it turns out he was married at the time and conflicted. Something I found out 7 years later.)
- I met Steph at 20. We dated-ish but totally not in a traditional sense as our first date was 2.5 days long and I said “I love you” in 5 languages to him two weeks later.
- We opened up and I started actually dating people. At 26 years old. Sheesh.
Now that you’ve gotten the history, here’s some of my dating thoughts. I don’t profess to be an expert at dating myself, but after years of societal observations it doesn’t take a genius to see what works and what doesn’t.
First things first. Get rid of “rules”.
This male to female “call her in three days” thing is bullshit. It’s 2010 people. It’s highly likely that you’re on Facebook or Twitter or at least have an email address and more than likely a cell phone you can text from. Sending a text the next morning is not going to be the wrong move, unless she’s living in a rom-com fantasy world in which case you should stay away as it’s likely she’s expecting 2.5 kids from you and a white picket fence by Date 17.
On second thought, don’t Facebook each other after the first date. The interest might not be mutual and then you look like a dumdum and it’s aaaawkward.
Other rules include the no sleeping together on the first date nonsense. We really as a society need to get over ourselves and accept the fact that some of us like fucking. We really like fucking. Yes, I’m not denying that fucking on the first date can make things a bit weird after that. You’ve already been SO intimate with someone and yet you barely know them. The second date becomes an odd mix of “Are we together?” and “You’re a stranger.”
Isn’t dating on its own weird anyway? If you DON’T kiss, make out or sleep with the person on the 1st or 2nd date, you spend the next however many dates wondering when you will. You both know that you’re thinking it. It’s awkward and exciting but also weird! One way isn’t better than the other. One just pleases your genitals more. It’s your choice.
And if the person doesn’t call you after you’ve gotten naked, yes it can be hard but try to look at the bright side of things. You had a little romp and you didn’t have to spend too much money or get dressed up six times to do it. Who’s next?
Next, as nice as it is to be traditional and have the guy chase girl scenario, why not try something different? If you get past the macho exterior – which some guys don’t even have and that’s a-ok – guys can have just as many insecurities about approaching women as girls do about not being approached. Do you think walking up to a cute chick at the bar is easy? What if you’re there with all of your friends and you fail miserably in front of them? That doesn’t sound fun at all and I’m pretty sure if I was a dude I wouldn’t try it. I would, (if I knew who she was online), send that girl a message or maybe @ reply suggesting she check out the latest “insert whatever I found out she likes on Twitter here” and hope to check it out with her.
As humans we’re all insecure for some reason. It’s highly likely that it’s not that people don’t want to talk to you, but that they don’t know how or are scared or SOMEthing that has absolutely nothing to do with you. The Mad Men era of man meeting woman, taking woman out because man said so .. sadly is over, ladies.
Third, I highly recommend being yourself as much as possible. If you don’t usually wear a lot of makeup or fancy clothes, don’t do so on your dates – unless the location calls for it. If your goal is potentially long term, selling yourself as something you’re not can get you into trouble down the road. The temptation is always there to completely agree with the things your date likes but doing so might get you invited to a concert you reeeeally don’t want to go to or sitting in a theatre watching Twilight. Save yourself while you still can!
Here’s a quick little list of random dating tips for you:
- If you meet online, make sure you discuss the possibility that maybe you’ll have no chemistry in person. It’ll be awkward but at least you can maybe move on as friends if you want to.
- On the above note, from experience, try to meet as soon as possible in person, if you’ve met online. You don’t want to fall head over heels for an idea that might not exist in person. Use the internet to establish a lack of crazy, some common interests and a place to meet.
- Movies are a terrible first date option. You can’t get to know one another and you’re too foreign to really take advantage of the sexual tension between you. Save movies for the third or fourth date if you like.
- Try something like mini golf or a fancy restaurant, but activities or caviar on a first date aren’t always necessary despite what reality TV tries to tell us. If you’re picking the place why not take your date to your favorite restaurant or café or spot in the city? Give them a taste of who you are as a person not the person you think they want you to be.
And finally remember that as unsure and worried about how the other person sees you is likely how they’re feeling about you too. Be confident. Be vulnerable. Be open to the fact that it might be a horrible time, but you’ll get a great story out of it and maybe next time it’ll be pure perfection.
Good luck!
