Continuing the theme of sharing with you stories of the people in my life, here is Bella. She’s been in my life for many months, but as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve wanted to keep everything very close to my chest for a while. I finally feel ready to share, and it feels wonderful.
Last November at Playground, I met a beautiful girl named Bella who was speaking about her friend Wendy Babcock’s legacy in the field of sex work, along with her own experiences as a sex worker. I had no idea while emailing her before the event that she was the same hot chick I had crushed on at the 2011 Feminist Porn Awards; I was just looking for speakers to discuss local activism efforts. When she walked in, I was stunned and taken aback that she and hot leopard print gal from April were one and the same.
After Playground we became Facebook friends and started to chat a little bit. It didn’t take her very long to make her intentions known about wanting to get with me, and of course I was pretty excited about the possibilities. A beautiful, sexy woman was throwing herself and her compliments my way; 2012 was turning around.
On our first date, I think she out nervoused me. It was pretty evident early on that our relationship was going to take an interesting turn – probably when she told me that she wanted to be my sexy fuck doll – and it was neat to be on the other side of adoration and worship as the more dominant personality.
She took me back to her work condo, promising tales of a massage. The massage *sort of* happened, but I’m convinced that she just used it as an excuse to smoosh up against me, haha. That evening she said that she would be happy if we only got to sex that one time, but lucky for both of us things have been going strong since then – AND I’ve had plenty of massages in between as well, though they do often turn to naked smooshathons!
At first our relationship had a domme sub twist. Bella proclaimed to me that she was my doll, for me to use as I wanted and I went with it. It was nice to see someone in a somewhat submissive role to me and I liked the person I was when I was around her. The normal flaily girl that is very much me became calm. She could talk my ear off with enthusiasm and I could relax and just listen. This was new to me, but eventually it needed adjusting.
As much as I love the adoration, I needed to function in a relationship with an adult and not a doll. I’m used to working for my compliments and being on an equal footing with someone, at least in our non-play times. I was being given many gifts of worship that I simply wasn’t used to handling. There was talk of her making lots of money and taking care of me because I shouldn’t have to work, ever. And while I think that’s a glorious idea, I’m not so sure how likely it really is.
So now we’ve adjusted. Now Bella and I can be adults together. We share our feelings and talk about amazingly intense things and sometimes dirty things. She’s one of the brightest, most self aware girls that I know and I love when we can chat about sex and love and life. She’s now seen me with Harvey in a submissive play setting, with Andrew (more on him to come) in another group submissive setting and a few times with Steph, like when we went to Momentum in Washington together. Over the past month and a bit we’ve gotten closer as she’s gone through some serious emotional trauma. I wasn’t sure how to handle it, but I love the girl and have been there for her as much as possible.
Our relationship is intense at times and then other times completely playful. Steph actually credits Bella in introducing him to the concept that play for play’s sake can be amazing and fun, which is a HUGE place for him to get to. When she and I played with Harvey, it was possibly the first time in 5 years that he and I actually laughed that much in the bedroom and most recently she hosted Andrew, his girl and I for a semi-impromptu foursome in her own bed which was such a sexy, fun and wonderful gift.
So the people that we are today are not the people that I think I was expecting us to be when we first hooked up. We’re more than just two girls that think each other is hot and want to touch each other. We’ve shared many laughs, tears and scary moments. She’s taught me inadvertently to remember the things I love about submission as well as dominance. I’ve grown to love things about my body and my soul that I didn’t realize I was hating on as a result of her attentiveness. I’ve also learned how to deal with saying yes AND no when someone is wanting one or the other; to stand up for my own self while still being aware of others.
I consider myself lucky to have such a beautiful, giving and sexy woman in my life to call my girl.