2013: Life By Design

I was a bit of an idiot in 2012. I pulled that typical end of year shit where I told myself “Don’t worry, Self, 2012 will be awesome and everything will be shiny and new. Everything that was bad will magically become great and you won’t have to do any work because that’s just how the new year works!” and then I left it up to chance. What was THAT about? I don’t usually leave things up to chance, I take control of them, but I guess I was so beaten down by 2011 that I firmly believed 2012 really had nowhere to go but up.

Sure, it did for the most part. I said goodbye to some negative people in my life and welcomed some unbelievably great lovers and friends. I became closer with some awesome people and am still developing those relationships. I reconnected with some precious people whom I had lost in 2011. Steph and I grew even closer as we do every year. My self confidence that had been totally destroyed in 2011 slowly started to come back. My own personal conference doubled its success from last year. I raised $3500 in community support to help me print my book.

Those things, plus more, made sure that 2012 wasn’t a total loss. I would never be so negative to not include the good moments; every dark moment has a light reflection occasionally.

However, what the bulk of 2012 really was, was a disappointment. I was so excited at the new relationships I was forming that I wasn’t able to see that they weren’t actually moving along as I had hoped. I resigned myself to biding my time at my jobs I no longer enjoyed when I had been really happy at them the year prior. I allowed other people’s problems to become my own because it was too tiring to fight them. I was sick for 2 months in and out of hospital for stupid things this summer. I existed on auto-pilot because I just couldn’t be bothered anymore.

It really was the year of “meh”. By the time I realized that I was going full into a depression this fall, it was too late. I was too busy with work to take care of myself and just had to ride it out.

And then everything stopped. I left my job. We went to Mexico. I suddenly started listening to people around me and realizing that I was, and always had been, in control of my own destiny. I finally reconnected with the person I had missed the most and had spent a lot of time ignoring and neglecting, myself.

Something happened this October / November and I know I’m not the only one to have felt it. A year that started with a bang and then became months of confusion and disappointment started to redeem itself and become clear. It’s as if the weights of my life became nothing but air and I finally started to move freely again, especially in my own mind. I now look at 2013 as a great opportunity for personal growth and success. Instead of relying on *the stars* to make 2013 a new year, I firmly believe in “Life By Design” and plan on doing everything in my power to bring as much joy, health and happiness to my life as possible.

Stay tuned for more info on what exactly that entails for me. I hope that you will also choose this time to take control of your own life and make each day worth waking up for. Now here’s the song that brings me into 2013 with my head held high and my heart filled with so much love and happiness.