Radical, Dude. A #FatShamingWeek followup

If by suggesting that it’s not anybody else’s place to police someone else’s body, that makes me a radical, I’m ok with that.

If my existence on the planet makes other people angry because they can’t bear to look at me or accept their own personal demons, I’m ok with that.

If I make moderate people who aren’t interested in speaking up against hate, bored or annoyed by my insistence on fighting the fights I choose to fight, I’m ok with that.

If you don’t want to date me because of how I look or things that I say, I’m ok with that.

If you insist that no one wants to be with me, despite my happy 13 year relationship and multiple side relationships with wonderful men and women, I’m ok with that.

If you want to judge me for taking a break from my actually very healthy lifestyle, thank you very much, to eat something oh so deliciously bad for me, I’m ok with that.

If I’m not exercising enough to meet your “standards of beauty”, I’m ok with that.

Because here’s what I know.

  • At the end of the day, you think that being mean makes you fun to be around;
  • You confuse genuine help that people ask for with horrible cruelty;
  • You know nothing of the people who love me and lust us; what size they are, how attractive or not you might find them;
  • Your voice is being met with a thousand other voices, that don’t have to hide behind new fake accounts, that are all standing up against you and the vitriol you speak.

Here’s what we both don’t know:

  • I don’t know what happened in your life to make you such an asshole;
  • You don’t know that I already exercise and eat well and am very informed about the choices that I make and what I need to do to feel stronger for ME;
  • I don’t know if you have a small penis, and honestly I don’t think it’s right to assume that because I know plenty of nice guys who do;
  • You don’t know that people you’re attacking are not suicidal, and that your words might’ve been the last ones they read before giving up;
  • I don’t know how to change your mind, but I do know that I can change the mind of the bandwagon jumpers;
  • You don’t know anything about people’s personal struggles, nor do you have the right to suggest they are having one.

What we both do know is simple:

Yours is a message of hate, and in reality, your life isn’t actually affected by fat people. You try to believe that it is to make up for whatever wrongs you feel you’ve been served. But those are your issues, and yours alone. You may have a lot of friends and buddies who support the message you’re trying to get out there, but they could turn on you should fat become your next descriptor. You may even genuinely believe that you’re helping by being as cruel as you are.

Our message is a message of love, support, and acceptance. We don’t want to shame people for making healthy OR unhealthy choices. If they want to ask for help and we might know the answer, then by all means, we will give it to them. And if they don’t want to, then keep on keeping on.

We will fight this fight. We will wear our battle wounds proudly. And we will win.

  • Melody

    As a BBW I soooo had to say something. I have been called everything under the sun..most recently on Facebook I was called a fat cow(aren’t all cows fat?)and every time I’ve been called such names I laugh..because its funny how miserable some people are in life to have to call people names. The people that do this will call a skinny Minnie a anorexic,a black person a N…and so on as they are so self conscience that putting people down is the only thing to make them feel better….so sick, I eat a very healthy diet…I grew up on vegetables and good food.could I lose weight…yup…do I want to…nope, as a 13 year old I was small…and I felt huge…I had babies and gained weight and then after all of that…now is when I like my body..I would never change being a big woman!..when I had surgery I lost 50 pounds and getting home my husband was like,..I hope it doesn’t take long to get back to that sexy weight…at first I thought he was talking about getting smaller…so I said we’ll how much do you think I should lose as Im comfy the way I am..he said lose?…no..To gain it back!I should have known better as he has never seen me skinny.But If I love my weight and my husband adores me, Im taking care of myself making sure I’m healthy, looking sexy, and being a great wife and Mumzi…that’s all in are about, The guy is probably a inner chubby chaser or has a rotten soul.We are beautiful and they need to move on.