Since 2012, my birthday has always been marked by bum smacks. At every birthday party I have, the faithful and heavy dark wood paddle that I bought at Playground 2011 comes out. It’s definitely a beast and it can leave some beastly bum bruises, that I’ve always been quite proud of.
And then I got the news that I’m not allowed any “contact sports” for at least three months after my pulmonary embolisms were discovered. Which of course, to me, means no kinky stuff. Not that my life is really kinky at all lately (sadface), but this even meant that birthday smacks were off the table.
So what’s a girl to do when she can’t show off her bruises from 34 paddle smacks? (One for every year of being fabulous, of course.) Well, she notices that Ohhh Canada has a lovely selection of less intense paddles that may just work perfectly for her needs. Like this one from Sportsheets.
It’s beautiful, simple, and just what I need. The three star design automatically attracts me because I love stars (??), but it’s also light and makes a great slappy sound when you smack it. It’s fun to use softly, can be used with more force if you like – not for me though; have to avoid those darn bruises that might clot – and it’s also pretty to look at.
The only thing I wish was different is that the pink layer underneath wasn’t made of paper, and a fabric instead. But perhaps that’s what gives it the wonderful slappy sound, and obviously they wouldn’t be using paper if it would break.
If you’re looking for a less thuddy paddle, and want something fun, sassy, and light, buy this one.
ALSO IT’S SOOOOO PRETTY.