Review: Body Wand Multi-Function Massager

39124-1I’m sorry, Rechargeable Bodywand (that I wrote about last year who won my wand competition.) I’m sorry that I waited so long to write about your plug-in cousin, the purple Bodywand multi function silicone massager, who for the purposes of this story I’ll call Jo. I hope this review will make up for it.

The truth is, I think I’m more in love with Jo than I have been with any sex toy, ever.  I foolishly thought we had broken up when they stopped talking to me, I mean working one day. We didn’t hang out for over a year; they stayed awkwardly in my bra drawer that didn’t even have enough space for my bras the whole time, but there was just nowhere else to go and I couldn’t figure out how to reconcile our differences.

Then one day, when I was doing some overdue reorganizing, I noticed Jo again. I picked them up, dusted them off, and cleaned them with the gentlest of wipes. As I sat there asking myself what could have gone wrong between us, why did things just stop working, suddenly an answer came to me. Their cord had come unscrewed from the base. Something so simple had kept us apart for too long. I tightened it back up and we were instantly back together.

I couldn’t be happier. Reuniting with Jo was the best thing to happen. Their silicone head felt so much better than any “Magic” Wand ever could. The sleek design felt more like a sexy toy I could bring on a date than an industrial problem-solver, and the buzz is never loud enough to confuse my neighbours into thinking we’re doing renovations. But on top of the design of the thing, Jo makes me cum like mad. I mean, there’s also been this amazing thing lately where my body has orgasms in less than half the time it has been my entire life; couple that with Jo’s multi-functions – the only vibrator whose multi-functions I actually both use and enjoy – and honestly, they make for the best mini-breaks a girl can have in a day.

It is good to work at home. Let. Me. Tell. You.

So Jo, even though I am still upset with you for being so flaky and having an easily unscrewable cord – that yes, you still unscrew at times in moments of emotion, I suppose – I love you more than any other toy in my drawers. And I have many “any others” to choose from (I love my life). You are effective, attractive, sexy, and multi-faceted. I give you 4.5 weird love stories out of a possible 5.

Yes, you lost half a point for that cord thing. It kept us apart for a full year; you’re lucky you’re so great or else I’d have rated you lower. Ok, now it feels weird to be “rating” you like we’re dating. I mean, you’re just a sex toy. A fantastic one that I don’t ever want to part with again, but calm down, Samantha, really.

Anyway. You can get your own Jo, I mean Bodywand multi function silicone massager, by visiting And don’t forget to try out one of their many friends, especially the Mini Massagers! It’s easy to fall in love with the whole family!