This blog is written for the 21st century modern man or woman. Sure, there are lots of people of all walks of life in open relationships, but one thing I have found from experience is that there aren’t that many resources for folks like me, and maybe like you. Regular folks, who may or may not be in a relationship, but who might not participate in drum circles; cuddle fests or other (considered) hippy activities, at least not all the time anyways. Folks who might work office jobs. Go home to their cats, their kids, or their primary partners. Folks who might sometimes like going to IKEA, and Home Depot. Hang out with their “normal” friends. Folks who can relate to more than one type of person in social situations. Folks like me. And maybe folks like you.
This blog, and it’s accompanying book are not intended to be a bash on anyone who might identify a little more with a non-traditional view of the world. Certainly if you are in, or considering, an open relationship or customized fidelity, chances are your views are just a tad non-traditional to start with. This blog is for those of us who just might not list renaissance fares, clothing optional triad relationships, and LARPing as our favorite activities when filling in our Facebook profiles. This isn’t to say that this book is meant for a limited audience, more specifically it’s meant for a larger percentage of society than many other books on the same subject.
Society today appears to be trying slowly to get over its qualms with sex and gender politics, while at the same time it embraces raunch culture while telling kids not to take part in the activities that said culture promotes. For twenty years, the news about sex has all been bad. How can we then, as responsible adults even begin to consider alternative views to love, sex and relating with others?
By recognizing that we, and not society, are in control of our brains, hearts and bodies. By breaking down the social conditioning that has caused so much infidelity, heartache and divorce for those around us. By understanding that we are valued, respected, loved and thought of as all kinds of awesome, even if our partners may enjoy the company of another occasionally.
I invite you into my ongoing journey. To experience the ups and downs that have helped me grow and become who I am today, and will continue to change and challenge who I am tomorrow.
Using This Blog
This blog is not meant as an instruction manual for your life. There may be ideas in here that you agree with, and some you find preposterous. Isn’t that the beauty of the world we live in? Just like all the other materials you might find on the subject, what you get out of the words written here is completely up to your own interpretation. Use what you find to discover things about yourselves, your friends, partners and lovers that you may not have known or been able to articulate in the past. Use it to create conversation, private thoughts, or inspiration for your next journal entry or short story. Comment on it positively. Comment on it negatively. It’s completely up to you.
I am not here to push non-monogamy as the be-all and end-all of relationship styles. Until recently, I was known among my friends as a monogamous wife, existing quite happily in that situation. A large majority of my friends and family choose to live in monogamous relationships, and if it works for them or for you, I think that’s fantastic.
Personally, I can see so much value in opening up a relationship, removing boundaries, opening up our minds to love and be loved like our conditioning may not always allow. Even those with “perfect” relationships can still be affected by belief systems that are so deeply ingrained and beaten into our thought processes that we often aren’t aware of their existence. Thinking outside the concept of a normal relationship can be an amazing journey of self-discovery, as you learn things about yourself and your partner you may have never been aware of until you stepped out of that initial comfort zone.
If you strongly believe that your partner belongs to you, that the idea of them looking at another person or sharing something intimate, sexually or not with someone else, is an absolute deal breaker, I invite you to consider that expecting yourself to meet all of your partners needs, emotionally, mentally and physically, is an exhausting and high expectation to have. Many of us have lots of different friends that each adds something rich and valuable to our lives. We may like to party with Joe, but just chill in the coffee shop with Sarah. Chances are you and your partner share some of the same friends, but also have some that are unique to you alone. Expanding that thinking into possible lovers can free you more and harm you less than you might have ever thought possible.
For the sake of both the blog and book, I will be mainly addressing people already in relationships, open or not. I strongly believe that single people can date multiple partners and get the same value out of their time with them as those of us in existing primary relationships. I do, however, want to offer my words to you based on my relationship experiences, and the observations of those I know. When possible, I will add the open single persons perspective, but only if I feel I truly know what I’m talking about.
Please use this information wisely. Read it. Question it. Agree or disagree with it. Interpret it how you will. At the end of the day, your choices are your own but remember to be aware of those decisions that you make and how they affect those you care about. They are too important not to consider.
Here’s to love and life and everything in between.
~ Samantha
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