Samantha Fraser: Author. Educator. Life Coach.
Samantha Fraser is an author, educator and life/relationship coach from Toronto, Canada. She shares her open marriage experiences & lessons on this blog and is currently finishing up her book “Not Your Mother’s Playground: Open Relationships for Everyday Folk”. She loves giving people insight into their own relationships by discussing taboo subjects openly, with wit and a side of naughty, personal experience.
Samantha also teaches polyamory and sexuality workshops in Toronto and is planning a Toronto conference on modern sexuality & relationships called Playground, happening in Toronto on November 5-6, 2011. Never a preacher that non-monogamy is the only way, she remains open to learning about relationship structures and what works for every individual she comes into contact with.
Join in on Facebook or on Twitter at www.twitter.com/nympsam. Visit her life coaching site at www.samanthafraser.com.
This blog is not meant as an instruction manual for your life. There may be ideas in here that you agree with, and some you find preposterous. Isn’t that the beauty of the world we live in? Just like all the other materials you might find on the subject of non-monogamy, what you get out of the words written here is completely up to your own interpretation. Use what you find to discover things about yourselves, your friends, partners and lovers that you may not have known or been able to articulate in the past. Use it to create conversation, private thoughts, or inspiration for your next journal entry or short story. Comment on it positively. Comment on it negatively. It’s completely up to you.
I am not here to push non-monogamy as the be-all and end-all of relationship styles. Until 2006, I was known among my friends as a monogamous wife, existing quite happily in that situation. A large majority of my friends and family choose to live in monogamous relationships, and if it works for them or for you, I think that’s fantastic.
Personally, I can see so much value in opening up a relationship, removing boundaries, opening up our minds to love and be loved like our conditioning may not always allow. Even those with “perfect” relationships can still be affected by belief systems that are so deeply ingrained and beaten into our thought processes that we often aren’t aware of their existence. Thinking outside the concept of a normal relationship can be an amazing journey of self-discovery, as you learn things about yourself and your partner you may have never been aware of until you stepped out of that initial comfort zone.
If you strongly believe that your partner belongs to you, that the idea of them looking at another person or sharing something intimate, sexually or not with someone else, is an absolute deal breaker, I invite you to consider that expecting yourself to meet all of your partners needs, emotionally, mentally and physically, is an exhausting and high expectation to have. Many of us have lots of different friends that each adds something rich and valuable to our lives. We may like to party with Joe, but just chill in the coffee shop with Sarah. Chances are you and your partner share some of the same friends, but also have some that are unique to you alone. Expanding that thinking into possible lovers can free you more and harm you less than you might have ever thought possible.
For the sake of both the blog and book, I will be mainly addressing people already in relationships, open or not. I strongly believe that single people can date multiple partners and get the same value out of their time with them as those of us in existing primary relationships. I do, however, want to offer my words to you based on my relationship experiences, and the observations of those I know. When possible, I will add the open single persons perspective, but only if I feel I truly know what I’m talking about.
Please use this information wisely. Read it. Question it. Agree or disagree with it. Interpret it how you will. At the end of the day, your choices are your own but remember to be aware of those decisions that you make and how they affect those you care about. They are too important not to consider.
Here’s to love and life and everything in between.
~ Samantha
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