If it’s possible that a year can have a theme, this was it for 2011. Last year was all about me giving absolutely every last drop of energy I could to other people, putting myself last. But it didn’t matter. In the end, there was nothing I could do to change the situations that surrounded me. . . . → Read More: It’s Not You, It’s Me
     
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Big cat says "Me-ow" I wasted a lot of energy in 2011 on other people. Any of it that wasn’t going to my job went to other people, with a teensy tiny bit of leftovers coming to me. (And of course, I always have a permanent chunk for my lovely husband. That doesn’t change.) I lay . . . → Read More: Becoming the Hunted When I first had the idea for Playground around the end of last summer, I had a lot more time on my hands. I had quit my job a few months prior to finish working on my non-monogamy guide book – which I promise to finish sooooon – and had seemingly all the time in the . . . → Read More: Why Playground? Why Now? If I “meet” you on an online dating site – probably okCupid since it’s the only one I’m on – there’s a few things you should know about how we will interact with one another. Online dating can be an absolute minefield. My girlfriends and I have long email threads dedicated to the disgusting, crass and ridiculous emails that some people send, but there are many gems underneath that outer layer of human crap, which is why I’m about to tell you this. On favorites: Unless you show absolutely no interests outside of Creed, Two and a Half Men, Star Wars, pizza and beer, I will not judge you for your taste in music, movies, food and TV. I have some strange tastes in all of these things and know that your life’s path may have led you to an interest in death metal, country, indie or even Gaga. Our time together doesn’t have to involve seeing the same bands in concert or bonding over True Blood or Dexter, though I certainly agree it would be fun if it did. I don’t expect us to like all of the same foods. You will probably like something that I find disgusting and horrific and you might not be able to see past my love of Branston pickle but as long as you don’t try to kiss me with onion or olive breath though, I think we will make it through. I will not judge you for your (lack of) knowledge of wine. Nor for your favorite travel destinations or choices of art on your walls. If life has taken you on a path where you cannot afford to live on your own, I won’t mind. Though it will certainly make it difficult should we choose to take our clothes off. If you like to partake in recreational drugs that I am not involved in, I will not be scared away. My body has my own thoughts on these things, but as long as you are respectful, not creepy and still nice to me, it is not my place to judge your chosen form of relaxation. I only ask that you understand and respect my personal choices or limits. I will not judge you for driving a car or being a cyclist. I will however, take issue with you placing all blame for road problems on one or the other. As someone who partakes in both forms of transportation I see the problems on either side of the coin. I won’t not date you because of your chosen profession(s) – or lack of one – and in fact will be curious to learn about your passions.
My wedding ring and I have a strange relationship. When I’m at home, I often pay it no attention, abandoning it on a random shelf as soon as I walk in the door. It never sleeps with me or sees me naked. I won’t let it eat at the dinner table and it certainly never gets to hang out during sex. However when it’s time to leave the house and go out in public, I am absolutely lost without it. On those days where I cannot remember which one of five random shelves has been graced with my white-gold, sad excuse for bling band, I find myself sometimes hiding my ring finger when surrounded by strangers, lest someone see me as not married or worse … with a wedding ring tan line (a sure sign of cheating, some would say). Unlike riding a bike, dating for me, is quite … unlike riding a bike. It’s not something I can just pick up again because there are so many factors like state of being, state of relationships and state of confidence that come into play each time. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe I should start at least consider dating again; men that is. I am really missing having another man in my life. As much as I lust and love after my husband, I cannot deny that other men bring a new emotional and / or sexual energy to my being that I haven’t connected with in a long time. To be honest though, I am pretty sure that the idea of dating again completely terrifies me. I don’t remember how to flirt with someone new and I’m pretty convinced that I don’t think I can be bothered with the whole “getting to know you” stage … again. Read more » Life hasn’t been my favorite thing lately. Professionally speaking it’s been wonderful though; I have a new part time job planning a 5 day digital media festival (Digifest) and a week after that my passion project, self funded sexuality conference Playground comes to life this November. Having my work brain so preoccupied . . . → Read More: Cake (Thanks GI Joe!) Seeing is believing, right? If only that could be the case all the time. I used to have a huge problem with knowing something about myself and still believing the exact opposite. This often affected my self-image. In fact, it was mainly ONLY related to my self-image. No matter what I knew, whatever I believed was always the thought that possessed the most control over me. You see, as a bigger girl, I never believed that I was worthy of a love as a teenager and as I became an adult. I also knew at the same time that thinking those thoughts was ridiculous. I was completely worthy of love and eventually one or many would come along, but at the same time I knew it, I also did not believe it one bit. Confusing, yes? Read more » Having one lover end relationship while things with other lovers are good is strange. My brain can be distracted and think about the other people in my life and be happy and then it thinks of this and feels pretty bummed and sad. It’s a lot of emotions at once and I’m not used to having . . . → Read More: Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes Lately I’ve become involved in more relationships happening at once than I’ve ever been used to. There are more people on the scene than my brain can sometimes process and it’s all a little … complicated. Putting all of the logistics, heavy chats, fears and overwhelming-y-ness aside for a second, one of the awesome things that I’m gaining from two boyfriends, some lovely ladies and a few connection lines back and forth is clear and defined perspective.  Perspective. It's a beautiful thing. |
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