It doesn’t happen often but every now and then a random stranger will pour their heart out to me via email. It’s usually either a response to a post I’ve written or an advice request. The email I received from Sarah (name has been changed) yesterday really made me think and want to virtually hug her.
I’m not going to share the email because a) it’s very personal and b) it’s too long, but I am going to give you the gist of it below, plus my response to her. I think that Sarah is an incredibly strong young woman and I hope everything works out for she and her husband.
Here are the main points of her letter to me:
- Sarah’s a small town girl living a city life now.
- She grew up with traditional family values, a strong belief in monogamy. She doesn’t feel that she has anyone to talk to.
- It’s been almost a decade that she and her husband have been together.
- In the beginning he expressed interest in an open relationship. Sarah wasn’t into it so the idea was shelved. He went along with this.
- A few months ago they hit a rough patch. He admitted that he didn’t think he could be happy as a monogamist but was torn because he loved her so much. They decided to think about it
- She found out very recently that he had been sleeping with someone else. Instead of getting mad about it, she (and he) were surprised her being quite supportive of his external desires.
- Sarah says she hated herself for keeping him in a monogamous relationship.
- Discussions have revolved around the two of them having threesomes with another woman. Perhaps something that could become a regular thing.
- It’s been mentioned that the woman that they sleep with could definitely be the woman he was cheating with.
- Her husband has admitted to caring about this woman, but not as much as he cares about his wife. He has also said that he would find someone else if this didn’t work.
- Sarah has been battling with what she feels is right and what’s she is used to thinking is wrong (open relationships). She is dealing with a bit of an internal struggle.
- Sarah and her husband love each other very much and now she just needs some time to figure out how to go about this properly.
My reply:
