I’ve been holding off on writing anything lately because I’ve had a bit of a chip on my blog’s shoulder that I’ve needed to remove. I told myself that I can’t write about anything sexy or otherwise until I am finally honest with myself about something that is really eating at my core. I’m afraid to . . . → Read More: Confessions of a Fat Kid: How “I’m lazy” destroys self-worth
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Recently a conversation with my friend, Bobby Arthur, about video games, specifically Skyrim, and slut-shaming caused me to request he write a full guest post for you, here. Below is that post which I am excited to share on NYMP. I hope it causes you to take pause and think about the influence of media when it comes to female sexuality. Odds are there is someone in your life who is spending their evenings slaying Dragons and amassing treasure in the most played game of 2011, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Skyrim is an open world role playing game (RPG) created by Bethesda Softworks and is set in a fictional, mostly medieval, swords and sorcery land called, Tamriel. It is a game where I expected to be killing and looting, but never expected to be slut-shaming. Read more » If I “meet” you on an online dating site – probably okCupid since it’s the only one I’m on – there’s a few things you should know about how we will interact with one another. Online dating can be an absolute minefield. My girlfriends and I have long email threads dedicated to the disgusting, crass and ridiculous emails that some people send, but there are many gems underneath that outer layer of human crap, which is why I’m about to tell you this. On favorites: Unless you show absolutely no interests outside of Creed, Two and a Half Men, Star Wars, pizza and beer, I will not judge you for your taste in music, movies, food and TV. I have some strange tastes in all of these things and know that your life’s path may have led you to an interest in death metal, country, indie or even Gaga. Our time together doesn’t have to involve seeing the same bands in concert or bonding over True Blood or Dexter, though I certainly agree it would be fun if it did. I don’t expect us to like all of the same foods. You will probably like something that I find disgusting and horrific and you might not be able to see past my love of Branston pickle but as long as you don’t try to kiss me with onion or olive breath though, I think we will make it through. I will not judge you for your (lack of) knowledge of wine. Nor for your favorite travel destinations or choices of art on your walls. If life has taken you on a path where you cannot afford to live on your own, I won’t mind. Though it will certainly make it difficult should we choose to take our clothes off. If you like to partake in recreational drugs that I am not involved in, I will not be scared away. My body has my own thoughts on these things, but as long as you are respectful, not creepy and still nice to me, it is not my place to judge your chosen form of relaxation. I only ask that you understand and respect my personal choices or limits. I will not judge you for driving a car or being a cyclist. I will however, take issue with you placing all blame for road problems on one or the other. As someone who partakes in both forms of transportation I see the problems on either side of the coin. I won’t not date you because of your chosen profession(s) – or lack of one – and in fact will be curious to learn about your passions. It’s completely stating the obvious to say that we as a people are complex. There are too many idiosyncrasies out there to make any one person truly “normal” and most of us experience some sort of pain and suffering at any given point in the day. Whatever that pain might be is relative as the end of my world may seem like nothing more than a hangnail to you. There are times when selfishness shuts off and we remember that there are many out there in worse spots than we are, and then there are those other times that we have to allow ourselves to just be in our own worlds, and that’s ok. Accept that while on paper our problems might seem insignificant next to others, we are still allowed to feel what we feel. It’s how we choose to act on those feelings that matters, not their existence. Looking further for a moment than our own reflection, we can see that the world as a whole is full of suffering and pain. Today’s news in Norway is a grim reminder that the human spirit can be corrupted so far that right, wrong, moral and immoral become blurry and self-motivation, greed and craziness can take over the mind. Most of us will never have to deal with picking up the pieces after that kind of trauma but yet we still cannot seem to do without personal trauma on some level. This is not at ALL to belittle anyone or say that their feelings are invalid, silly or worthless – especially when dealing with outside circumstances – but I ask you how much of our own personal suffering is self-induced? Read more » I’m a big believer in the power of people and unlocking our capabilities. So many of us are wasting ourselves, not giving our minds and hearts the chance to be happy. Thinking about this, I decided to write ten things that you can do to start making your life more content, beginning right now. Enjoy! Acknowledge your . . . → Read More: 10 Simple Things to Make Life Better Unlike riding a bike, dating for me, is quite … unlike riding a bike. It’s not something I can just pick up again because there are so many factors like state of being, state of relationships and state of confidence that come into play each time. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe I should start at least consider dating again; men that is. I am really missing having another man in my life. As much as I lust and love after my husband, I cannot deny that other men bring a new emotional and / or sexual energy to my being that I haven’t connected with in a long time. To be honest though, I am pretty sure that the idea of dating again completely terrifies me. I don’t remember how to flirt with someone new and I’m pretty convinced that I don’t think I can be bothered with the whole “getting to know you” stage … again. Read more » I really like the concept of ‘community’ in theory. I know there are countless people out there who have felt lost, alone, strange, weird, etc. until they stumbled upon a group of like-minded souls. Kindred spirits who would embrace them into their circle with open arms. “You no longer have to feel alone”, they might say to one another. For many, the fight against oppression, prejudice, sexism, suffering and homophobia gives the individual an extra sense of “home” plus instant allies in the war against ignorance. These alliances are valuable and certainly something to hold dear. Communities pop up for many reasons and in the sexuality sphere one exists for pretty much everything. If you can think it, a group has formed around it somewhere. For those with specific interests like kink for example, it makes sense that a movement is created around events, similar fetishes and social interaction. People of like minds come together to share life experiences in a safe, hopefully non judgmental environment. It’s human nature to want this. Read more » “I don’t care which way you swing, Samantha, as long as you’re honest.” I will always remember my mum telling me those words in our kitchen when I was about 15. I don’t think we were talking about anything serious at the time but for some reason I held onto that knowledge – that my mum would . . . → Read More: I’m Here. I’m … ? (Thanks GI Joe!) Seeing is believing, right? If only that could be the case all the time. I used to have a huge problem with knowing something about myself and still believing the exact opposite. This often affected my self-image. In fact, it was mainly ONLY related to my self-image. No matter what I knew, whatever I believed was always the thought that possessed the most control over me. You see, as a bigger girl, I never believed that I was worthy of a love as a teenager and as I became an adult. I also knew at the same time that thinking those thoughts was ridiculous. I was completely worthy of love and eventually one or many would come along, but at the same time I knew it, I also did not believe it one bit. Confusing, yes? Read more » Since Don and I have broken up / taken a break / changed our relationship / WHATEVER the fuck you want to call this state we’re in now, my sex drive has picked up and jumped out the window. It’s not just that situation, though that’s the main contributor. Crush and I haven’t spoken in over a week. I think it’s just because he’s busy but I have a feeling it’s something more. Add Steph being sick, and everything has pretty much fizzled out down below. What all of these life changes have caused me to realize is that – while it’s not the prettiest comparison – my sex drive works like a compost bin. It needs interaction – whether it’s in chat, in person or through touch – to keep it well fed and thriving. Because so much of my drive is fueled by my sexuality and not just my physical bits, if said sexuality is threatened, thirsty or sad … I lose interest in basically bothering. I need that interaction, the flirting, the teasing … dare I say it … the compliments. |
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