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By samantha, on April 14th, 2012%
The word boundaries has come up so much in my recent conversations that I’ve started to almost say it daily. On top of noticing that it’s been making such a regular appearance with both friends AND lovers, I’ve realized that it’s not something that we – and by we, I mean mainstream society – encourage much discussion about.
You may be different but when I look at the majority of my friends, a discussion about personal boundaries never comes up. We fall into routines with the people around us and base our future decisions on past behaviour. It might not be that the friends you usually only grab monthly weekend drinks with aren’t into spontaneous fun on a weekday; maybe you’ve just never asked them. Shit, maybe they’re wondering the same thing about you!
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and asking myself how many of my relationships are defined by true boundaries compared to expectations and assumptions? Maybe I’m not giving my friends or lovers a chance by putting them into a certain category in my mind. Maybe they’re not giving me the same chance. Maybe I’m restricting myself without even realizing it.
 What are the fences I'm putting up, and are they as obvious as this? Read more »
By samantha, on April 11th, 2012%
Please note: This post may be triggering for some as it deals with sexual assault.
I’ve had a post floating around in my head lately that revolves around a situation I had put out of my mind; a time when a partner pushed past my limits and took advantage of my submission and because I lack any . . . → Read More: Confession: I did not consent
By samantha, on March 27th, 2012%
If it’s possible that a year can have a theme, this was it for 2011. Last year was all about me giving absolutely every last drop of energy I could to other people, putting myself last. But it didn’t matter. In the end, there was nothing I could do to change the situations that surrounded me. . . . → Read More: It’s Not You, It’s Me
By samantha, on February 20th, 2012%
It doesn’t happen often but every now and then a random stranger will pour their heart out to me via email. It’s usually either a response to a post I’ve written or an advice request. The email I received from Sarah (name has been changed) yesterday really made me think and want to virtually hug her.
I’m not going to share the email because a) it’s very personal and b) it’s too long, but I am going to give you the gist of it below, plus my response to her. I think that Sarah is an incredibly strong young woman and I hope everything works out for she and her husband.
Here are the main points of her letter to me:
- Sarah’s a small town girl living a city life now.
- She grew up with traditional family values, a strong belief in monogamy. She doesn’t feel that she has anyone to talk to.
- It’s been almost a decade that she and her husband have been together.
- In the beginning he expressed interest in an open relationship. Sarah wasn’t into it so the idea was shelved. He went along with this.
- A few months ago they hit a rough patch. He admitted that he didn’t think he could be happy as a monogamist but was torn because he loved her so much. They decided to think about it
- She found out very recently that he had been sleeping with someone else. Instead of getting mad about it, she (and he) were surprised her being quite supportive of his external desires.
- Sarah says she hated herself for keeping him in a monogamous relationship.
- Discussions have revolved around the two of them having threesomes with another woman. Perhaps something that could become a regular thing.
- It’s been mentioned that the woman that they sleep with could definitely be the woman he was cheating with.
- Her husband has admitted to caring about this woman, but not as much as he cares about his wife. He has also said that he would find someone else if this didn’t work.
- Sarah has been battling with what she feels is right and what’s she is used to thinking is wrong (open relationships). She is dealing with a bit of an internal struggle.
- Sarah and her husband love each other very much and now she just needs some time to figure out how to go about this properly.
My reply:
By samantha, on January 26th, 2012%
I’ve been holding off on writing anything lately because I’ve had a bit of a chip on my blog’s shoulder that I’ve needed to remove. I told myself that I can’t write about anything sexy or otherwise until I am finally honest with myself about something that is really eating at my core. I’m afraid to . . . → Read More: Confessions of a Fat Kid: How “I’m lazy” destroys self-worth
By samantha, on December 9th, 2011%
Recently a conversation with my friend, Bobby Arthur, about video games, specifically Skyrim, and slut-shaming caused me to request he write a full guest post for you, here. Below is that post which I am excited to share on NYMP. I hope it causes you to take pause and think about the influence of media when it comes to female sexuality.
Odds are there is someone in your life who is spending their evenings slaying Dragons and amassing treasure in the most played game of 2011, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Skyrim is an open world role playing game (RPG) created by Bethesda Softworks and is set in a fictional, mostly medieval, swords and sorcery land called, Tamriel. It is a game where I expected to be killing and looting, but never expected to be slut-shaming. Read more »
By samantha, on August 20th, 2011%
If I “meet” you on an online dating site – probably okCupid since it’s the only one I’m on – there’s a few things you should know about how we will interact with one another. Online dating can be an absolute minefield. My girlfriends and I have long email threads dedicated to the disgusting, crass and ridiculous emails that some people send, but there are many gems underneath that outer layer of human crap, which is why I’m about to tell you this.
On favorites:
Unless you show absolutely no interests outside of Creed, Two and a Half Men, Star Wars, pizza and beer, I will not judge you for your taste in music, movies, food and TV. I have some strange tastes in all of these things and know that your life’s path may have led you to an interest in death metal, country, indie or even Gaga. Our time together doesn’t have to involve seeing the same bands in concert or bonding over True Blood or Dexter, though I certainly agree it would be fun if it did. I don’t expect us to like all of the same foods. You will probably like something that I find disgusting and horrific and you might not be able to see past my love of Branston pickle but as long as you don’t try to kiss me with onion or olive breath though, I think we will make it through.
I will not judge you for your (lack of) knowledge of wine. Nor for your favorite travel destinations or choices of art on your walls. If life has taken you on a path where you cannot afford to live on your own, I won’t mind. Though it will certainly make it difficult should we choose to take our clothes off.
If you like to partake in recreational drugs that I am not involved in, I will not be scared away. My body has my own thoughts on these things, but as long as you are respectful, not creepy and still nice to me, it is not my place to judge your chosen form of relaxation. I only ask that you understand and respect my personal choices or limits.
I will not judge you for driving a car or being a cyclist. I will however, take issue with you placing all blame for road problems on one or the other. As someone who partakes in both forms of transportation I see the problems on either side of the coin. I won’t not date you because of your chosen profession(s) – or lack of one – and in fact will be curious to learn about your passions.
Read more »
By samantha, on July 23rd, 2011%
It’s completely stating the obvious to say that we as a people are complex. There are too many idiosyncrasies out there to make any one person truly “normal” and most of us experience some sort of pain and suffering at any given point in the day. Whatever that pain might be is relative as the end of my world may seem like nothing more than a hangnail to you. There are times when selfishness shuts off and we remember that there are many out there in worse spots than we are, and then there are those other times that we have to allow ourselves to just be in our own worlds, and that’s ok. Accept that while on paper our problems might seem insignificant next to others, we are still allowed to feel what we feel. It’s how we choose to act on those feelings that matters, not their existence.
Looking further for a moment than our own reflection, we can see that the world as a whole is full of suffering and pain. Today’s news in Norway is a grim reminder that the human spirit can be corrupted so far that right, wrong, moral and immoral become blurry and self-motivation, greed and craziness can take over the mind.
Most of us will never have to deal with picking up the pieces after that kind of trauma but yet we still cannot seem to do without personal trauma on some level. This is not at ALL to belittle anyone or say that their feelings are invalid, silly or worthless – especially when dealing with outside circumstances – but I ask you how much of our own personal suffering is self-induced? Read more »
By samantha, on June 8th, 2011%
I’m a big believer in the power of people and unlocking our capabilities. So many of us are wasting ourselves, not giving our minds and hearts the chance to be happy. Thinking about this, I decided to write ten things that you can do to start making your life more content, beginning right now. Enjoy!
Acknowledge your . . . → Read More: 10 Simple Things to Make Life Better
By samantha, on May 18th, 2011%
Unlike riding a bike, dating for me, is quite … unlike riding a bike. It’s not something I can just pick up again because there are so many factors like state of being, state of relationships and state of confidence that come into play each time.
However, I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe I should start at least consider dating again; men that is. I am really missing having another man in my life. As much as I lust and love after my husband, I cannot deny that other men bring a new emotional and / or sexual energy to my being that I haven’t connected with in a long time. To be honest though, I am pretty sure that the idea of dating again completely terrifies me. I don’t remember how to flirt with someone new and I’m pretty convinced that I don’t think I can be bothered with the whole “getting to know you” stage … again. Read more »
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