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By samantha, on February 20th, 2012%
It doesn’t happen often but every now and then a random stranger will pour their heart out to me via email. It’s usually either a response to a post I’ve written or an advice request. The email I received from Sarah (name has been changed) yesterday really made me think and want to virtually hug her.
I’m not going to share the email because a) it’s very personal and b) it’s too long, but I am going to give you the gist of it below, plus my response to her. I think that Sarah is an incredibly strong young woman and I hope everything works out for she and her husband.
Here are the main points of her letter to me:
- Sarah’s a small town girl living a city life now.
- She grew up with traditional family values, a strong belief in monogamy. She doesn’t feel that she has anyone to talk to.
- It’s been almost a decade that she and her husband have been together.
- In the beginning he expressed interest in an open relationship. Sarah wasn’t into it so the idea was shelved. He went along with this.
- A few months ago they hit a rough patch. He admitted that he didn’t think he could be happy as a monogamist but was torn because he loved her so much. They decided to think about it
- She found out very recently that he had been sleeping with someone else. Instead of getting mad about it, she (and he) were surprised her being quite supportive of his external desires.
- Sarah says she hated herself for keeping him in a monogamous relationship.
- Discussions have revolved around the two of them having threesomes with another woman. Perhaps something that could become a regular thing.
- It’s been mentioned that the woman that they sleep with could definitely be the woman he was cheating with.
- Her husband has admitted to caring about this woman, but not as much as he cares about his wife. He has also said that he would find someone else if this didn’t work.
- Sarah has been battling with what she feels is right and what’s she is used to thinking is wrong (open relationships). She is dealing with a bit of an internal struggle.
- Sarah and her husband love each other very much and now she just needs some time to figure out how to go about this properly.
My reply:
By samantha, on December 5th, 2011%
This is Part Two to this story. If you haven’t read that one, this likely will not make much sense. So please read it first!
When the doorbell rang, I could feel myself getting anxious. I was about to let somebody else into this very personal space that has belonged to Harvey and I for years. I was excited to be able to show someone else just how good I can be for him, as well as to give him the threesome that he’s never had.
As our guest is a friend of mine, it wasn’t too difficult to be able to relax and enjoy a glass of wine while he cooked dinner. There was something very calming about the two of us sitting there, watching as he prepared a meal. I was at once highly on edge and completely chilled. I could still feel the wetness between my legs from my alone time with him and wondered if I would feel ashamed that there was someone else in the room now. I didn’t.
Read more »
By samantha, on January 26th, 2011%
(Have you read the small world post yet? You should read that one first if you haven’t so that this one makes sense.)
My brain and heart are taking a bit of a beating right now. Some good, some bad and I’m in a funny place trying to piece it all together. It shouldn’t go unsaid that I am probably pms’ing right now so my logic filter – which I pride myself on – isn’t working at full capacity. Emotions are running high in Sam Camp and there’s probably things like winter and gloominess making everything seem that much larger than it really is.
Some biggish things have happened in the past week between Crush and I so I think I might as well just start with …
Tuesday
Read more »
By samantha, on January 4th, 2011%
In general, I’m a big believer in following your gut but since opening up my marriage I have learned that sometimes fighting that instinct can be the better option.
Follow your gut when it comes to career moves or perhaps family politics, sure. Any area of life where your reaction to a situation is not going to be clouded with envy, jealousy or anger. Being reserved and protective is ok as long as you don’t limit your life so much that you end up missing out on amazing experiences. Then again, what you don’t experience, perhaps you won’t miss?
Recently Steph told me that he received an email from a woman from his past. Apparently she’s single now and would like to start up a sexual relationship again. The situation is pretty perfect for him, minus the fact that she lives about an hour away, as he’s much more into physical interactions than his emotional wife over here.
When he told me about it, asking how I felt about reconnecting, my gut reaction was to say no. You see, we met this woman at a friends’ birthday party. It was February 2008, and we’d been open for a year and a half. We were drunk, as per often. Steph and she were talking and he told her about our situation. At some point in the evening, I couldn’t find him and wandered upstairs to check the bathroom. Next to the bathroom was a spare room and I heard some noise, opened the door and found the two of them making out, about to have sex, or at least with some clothes off.
Now I’m all about making out in private places, this I don’t have a problem with, but there was something very “crossing the line” with this situation. Steph and I were still relative newbs to non-monogamy and I didn’t appreciate his lack of control of the situation, so I fixed it.
We all ended up having sex, by my rules. I was very controlling of the situation. “What’s that? You want his cock? Then you ask my permission first.” Yeah … that kinda’ stuff. It was a bit much, and she wasn’t really that into it, but it was the only way I knew, in my drunken state, how to handle the situation without really blowing up about the fact that they had both disrespected me and broken many rules.
After that night, they saw each other a couple of times until she got a boyfriend. I was never really comfortable with it. Her name hadn’t been mentioned for almost three years until a few weeks ago and when it was my gut screamed at me: “NO FUCKING WAY!”
Read more »
By samantha, on November 20th, 2010%
It sucks knowing that it’s hard for Don to know about the existence of Crush. I feel bad for hurting him because I know it must be strange. For the longest time I haven’t dated any other guys; it’s only been him (and my husband, of course!). But I’ve come to a realization lately (translation, just now) which might not make him feel any better, but it does seem to fit, so fingers crossed.
 Bye bye, anxiety Read more »
By samantha, on October 29th, 2010%
No really, can I? Well, it turns out I totally do. And not just on the amazingly dreamy Alex O’Loughlin from Hawaii 5.0, although he is still in the running for top daydream fodder spot in my brain by the way.
 Um, hi ... have you seen this man?? Nom nom nom. Actually, my crush is a guy I met on okC, though have not met in person yet. (Save that for next week.) It feels very strange to have a man crush again and I have been fighting with a little bit of guilt over it.
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By samantha, on April 26th, 2010%
It’s been a while since I turned the mirror on myself for a little self-examination and I think I’m overdue so here goes.
Most of you already know. I’ve been in an open marriage for 3.5 years and it probably saved my relationship, or at the very least saved from a life of denying that I was unhappy when it truth I must have been when I think of how ridiculously happy I am now. (I mean it only makes sense!) Read more »
By samantha, on March 26th, 2010%
Recently I was asked to write a guest blog post for Met Another Frog, about the myths behind men cheating.
Met Another Frog is geared to urban women and offers stories, social commentary and ‘edutainment’ about:
- dating and relationships
- love
- sex
- achieving personal satisfaction on one’s own terms
My challenge? Explain the myths behind men cheating.
Read on, and let me know what you think.
Read more »
By samantha, on March 2nd, 2010%
It’s not always easy.
Though it’s not always hard.
It can give you everything you’ve ever wanted.
Sometimes a whole lot less. Sometimes a whole lot more.
It can be about freedom and doing as you like, while on other days, hard compromise and sacrifice.
You’ll work your ass off to communicate your wants. Your needs. Your desires.
And along the way . . . → Read More: An Essay on Non-Monogamy
By samantha, on November 23rd, 2009%
Recently I’ve gotten a lot of varied feedback about my online presence. Sharing a lot of your life with the web leaves you open to input, good and bad, something I knew when starting this site at a friends’ suggestion:
Hey! You should start a blog!
Yes. It was that simple and un-thought out.
I don’t think that I . . . → Read More: I am not an expert.
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