When the doorbell rang, I could feel myself getting anxious. I was about to let somebody else into this very personal space that has belonged to Harvey and I for years. I . . . → Read More: Three’s Company; part 2]]> This is Part Two to this story. If you haven’t read that one, this likely will not make much sense. So please read it first!

When the doorbell rang, I could feel myself getting anxious. I was about to let somebody else into this very personal space that has belonged to Harvey and I for years. I was excited to be able to show someone else just how good I can be for him, as well as to give him the threesome that he’s never had.

As our guest is a friend of mine, it wasn’t too difficult to be able to relax and enjoy a glass of wine while he cooked dinner. There was something very calming about the two of us sitting there, watching as he prepared a meal. I was at once highly on edge and completely chilled. I could still feel the wetness between my legs from my alone time with him and wondered if I would feel ashamed that there was someone else in the room now. I didn’t.

As he cooked, we all chatted. She had yet to be put into the head space that I was in, and I felt alright taking the liberty to escape mine a little. For a few moments, we were just normal, knowing that once dinner was over things would get very interesting.When the two of them started to discuss my relationship with him, I couldn’t help but start to feel proud. All of you, curious readers, know about Harvey already. My husband knows, as do my friends. But on his side, no one knows. It’s his choice to not tell his wife but he has said that it’s his burden and he doesn’t want to give it to his friends. So to be in the same room and hear him talk not to me, but about me, was kinda’ thrilling. I recognize that it’s a bit lame, and of course unethical, but it felt good and that’s important here.

After dinner we took her on a tour of the house. It was obviously that transition period between “Ok, we’ve had dinner. Now let’s have sex.”. Walking around, nonchalantly looking at furniture was a good in between. She kissed me in the hallway and then we headed to the den area where I had been earlier shining his boots and caught up in being a good girl.

It’s hard to remember the order of everything, isn’t it? That time when everyone goes from fully clothed to completely or almost completely naked. I can still see how slow paced everything was still. Harvey was in a slight state of can I say, shock? Seeing two women in front of him, ready to do his bidding while being intimate with one another. It was porn come to life, which I suppose for any first time threesomer can be a bit unreal.

I had no idea how it was going to feel, watching him be with someone else. I was slightly worried that I was going to feel jealousy, since our relationship has been so private and intimate for five years, but watching him have his way with her; seeing him so very much enjoying the gift I had brought him, took away any fear of that. I knew that she was a good choice the moment she stopped talking. The fire in her eyes was replaced by a wonderful submissive longing and it was so sexy to be a spectator. Though she’s not a pain slut, he clothespinned her breasts as I helped. I couldn’t help feeling like I wanted him to push her. Put her in intense subspace. Break her.

For the first little while, we were simply abusing her, experimenting with how far she could go. He pushed her up against the ottoman and used his talented hands to make her his. We would pause occasionally, all feeling very relaxed in our den of sin, all naked and stuff. I really relished in the time when she and I were making out in front of him. Sometimes it was softer, more like two women on even ground. Other times I wanted to show him my dominant side with certain women, something we’ve talked about but he has never seen. I would hold her down, control the situation, pull her hair. All while he was watching, approving, taking it all in. Knowing I learned much of my skills from him.

Those moments were nice, when I felt the freedom to do whatever I wanted to. He wasn’t as dominant overall as we had discussed he would be, but his mind was slightly overloaded at the fact that the threesome we’d talked about for years was finally happening, so that’s fair. When he was though, I found it fascinating how I wouldn’t even move without knowing if it was ok with him. I wanted this to be his show. Whatever he needed or wanted, I would do. I’ve never felt so giving before. She didn’t know how to follow his rules though, was brattier and was punished for it.

I was really craving some more submission after a while as our three person hot mess had become less kink than I was hoping for and I needed to be dominated. My initial fantasy was for her to be tied up and told to watch as he abused me, his precious girl, while she was nothing but a slutty worthless visitor who had to wait her turn. Somehow knowing that she got off on being called names appealed to my own fantasies as well. It was obvious in reality that she wasn’t going to be tied up, but I was still begging for that attention. I needed him to hit me. I needed to show someone else how good I can be for him, so he obliged. He lay me on the floor and smacked my face until I cried. She interrupted to ask if I was ok as she was genuinely concerned. I nodded yes, and he told her I was. I knew that I was perfectly safe but I imagine it was hard for her to see. I liked that. I wanted it to be challenging to watch while sexy at the same time. I think we achieved that.

It wasn’t just me that he beat though. He took sometime and smacked her in the face as well despite the fact that she’s not into pain at all, but something made her stay there then. Something made her want to try, to see if she was up to the challenge, and after a few smacks, he broke her. She was crying and it was beautiful. Completely cathartic and wonderful. And really fucking hot.

We were there for hours but I felt and still feel like there was so much more that we could do. So many more fantasies that are still waiting to be fulfilled. I can only hope that it doesn’t take 5 more years to get to them.

My brain and heart are taking a bit of a beating right now. Some good, some bad and I’m in a funny place trying to piece it all together. It shouldn’t go unsaid that . . . → Read More: Where’s My Head At?]]> (Have you read the small world post yet? You should read that one first if you haven’t so that this one makes sense.)

My brain and heart are taking a bit of a beating right now. Some good, some bad and I’m in a funny place trying to piece it all together. It shouldn’t go unsaid that I am probably pms’ing right now so my logic filter – which I pride myself on – isn’t working at full capacity. Emotions are running high in Sam Camp and there’s probably things like winter and gloominess making everything seem that much larger than it really is.

Some biggish things have happened in the past week between Crush and I so I think I might as well just start with …

Tuesday

It’s a bit of an understatement if we said that I wasn’t excited for Tuesday night, except for the illness I was feeling in my tummy and head. Crush was coming over, I was going to cook dinner and we were gonna’ do it. It was slightly bittersweet to get to the doin’ it part, as I was somewhat “beaten to the punch” to be the first one there after a few months, but in the moment, I wasn’t bothered and have learned to let that silly competition go within myself.

I always enjoy having people in my house and this night was no exception. I was ridiculously nervous, doing silly girly things and being slightly neurotic. Like the other men in my life, Crush is great at being a calm place for my neurosis to rest. He says it’s just me being girly. I say he’s just being polite.

We ate dinner on the couch while I fretted over the quality of my meal (I do that a lot … must be because I don’t cook very often). I’m almost equally happy just chilling on the couch with him as I am in bed, but that didn’t mean we weren’t going to end up there. Our time together was very long overdue and it didn’t disappoint. I won’t go into details, because that’s private (yes, I can do private!) – but we both weren’t expecting it to go like it did and felt the effect of our time together for days to come.

Wednesday

I decided, after Crush left on Tuesday, to email Ava and ask if she wanted to get together. As it happened I was free the next night, and so was she. I knew that by getting involved with the woman that he was obviously smitten with I was opening up a whole can of worms, but if there is ever an example needed of a compelling woman to meet, she’s the one.

We met at a bar in the west end and I was quite nervous. Mainly because I hadn’t really given myself very much time to think about the situation and just dove right in. I was also nervous to tell her that I had been dating Crush since October. A fact that she didn’t know already. Within 5 minutes I think I blurted it out and I could tell she was taken aback. Here I sat in front of a woman, only open for a few weeks and I hit her with small world news like that. It was a lot for ME to take in, I can only imagine the mind-fuck it did on her.

Nevertheless we carried on. We talked very openly about our relationships, past and present. I find Ava to be a ridiculously easy person to know, a quality I find very important in a person. We laughed, we drank wine … a lot of wine, and eventually our flirtation took on a more obvious tone. Flirting with women can be very difficult as it is tough to know, especially with bi women, what they are thinking but it was easy with Ava. We evolved to hand and arm touching until eventually she was kissing me across the table, in front of the room.

I won’t share how the evening ended as again, that’s private, but it was undeniably hot and I was left wanting a lot more, very excited to see her again.

Since then

The days following have been interesting. Ava and I have gotten to know each other more via sweet, saucy chat and texts. I feel almost kindred spirit like with her and already, after only a week, could see us knowing each other ridiculously well and perhaps for a long time. Crush and I have been discussing our relationship with an intensity that didn’t exist prior to this past week. Or perhaps I didn’t allow it to happen in my own head. And instead of him telling me how he’s falling for a stranger that I’ll never meet, which is our usual, we find ourselves falling for the same gal.

It has been hard for me to come to terms with how I feel about him because I’m not used to having two, external male relationships. I haven’t wanted the feelings for one to affect the feelings for another, but it’s been tough. (Feelings for Steph are never affected.) I’ve been dealing with a whole mix of emotions from guilt to happiness. I know I can talk about caring for more than one guy as being part of polyamory, and it’s not that I can’t do it, but I don’t want to get swept up in one situation when another is often so fragile. And yet here I am, somewhat swept, being astutely aware of how things are with all the boys.

It’s not a bad thing though. In fact, because of my experiences with Crush on Tuesday night I have gained some amazing clarity about the good things in my other two male relationships. I have realized the things that make each relationship unique and precious as well as the similarities between the three that I really appreciate.

And then there’s the word “girlfriend”. Can a girl have a husband, a boyfriend and another boyfriend? In theory I suppose so. It’s something that my heart really wanted to hear but there’s a part of me that still fought it when Crush said it yesterday. I think I’ve been denying to myself how much the guy means to me because I haven’t wanted it to, or make Don think that it would, affect my relationship with him. And honestly, it hasn’t. One relationship doesn’t make another one less important. It just becomes more important itself. There’s probably a way to break it down mathematically in a fancy equation, I’m sure.

E = something something squared .. plus 2.

So what else did my head in a bit yesterday? Well, I’m acutely aware of how Crush feels about Ava. Not just because he finally told me but because he hasn’t said much and he’s usually keeping me up to date when it comes to women he’s dating and how he feels about them. In a moment of perhaps personal stupidity yesterday I let him confess something to me. I worry that putting it out here will affect the two of them but I have the sneaking suspicion that it was already discussed on their end anyway so I’m going with it.

If she weren’t married he would completely fall for her. I can’t disagree with the awesome logic behind this sentence. I’d say – and I don’t say this for ladies much – but I am in the same boat as he is. What stung me though was that I went from having all of these feelings swirling around my head, dealing with the guilt, the happiness, the confusion and the bliss all at once. Then I’m called a girlfriend, and my day is made and everything halts for a moment. A label has been put on something that I didn’t actually think, last Fall, would ever get labeled. And then just as quickly, another label was put on, that I didn’t hold as much stature as she did. In just a few short weeks she’s surpassed what I – guess you could say have been working on ?? – since October.

Now I know there’s a lot of logic to talk about in this situation that my heart is VERY obviously avoiding. (Remember .. PMS ….). To start with, I am very happily married and have no plans on changing that. Next, is Crush the person that *I* would fall for if I was single? Who can say? I am pretty sure that spot is already filled in my heart, but I really should ask myself this question … why does it need to be defined? Can’t we just enjoy what we have and not think about what we don’t? That’s the whole point of it all and really where our focus should be. I’d say that’s where Don and I went wrong for the first year of our relationship but it seems that we humans are conditioned to always see the neighbors grass before we see our own.

When I teased Crush yesterday saying that he had a married girlfriend, he replied with “Well, two.” and I was instantly annoyed. Just give me a minute to get used to the idea before you shove it down my throat, y’know, even if I also think she’s super fantastic. I’ll offer up all the compersion in the world if I can just have a little moment for me.

I think the weirdest part of all of it is that there’s a part of me that feels threatened by their relationship. It taps into my insecurities because it developed so fast, though he and I did as well just not to the same degree. Although he’s great at confirming with me how he feels and making sure that I know my place in a positive way, it’s not up to him to get me over this little speedbump.

So life is complicated and a lot to deal with right now. But if I focus on the good stuff, I’m surrounded by amazing people that want to be surrounded by me. How can this really ever be a bad thing? All of this heart shit is something we can handle. That’s why I blog about it, so that I can break it down and find out the reasons behind it all. And then sometimes I just feel things and that’s just the agenda for the day. It’s not so bad to feel confused once in a while.

Personally, I cannot wait to get my hands and eyes on Ava again. Talking to her is so enjoyable and we have so much in common, in terms of relationships and how we feel about ourselves and the world. So I’m going to push my weird, possibly PMS induced insecurities aside as much as possible and simply appreciate the people in my life and not question where we would all stand were we on a podium together.

Follow your gut when it comes to career moves or perhaps family politics, sure. Any area of life where your reaction to a situation is not going to . . . → Read More: Gut Feeling or Reaction?]]> In general, I’m a big believer in following your gut but since opening up my marriage I have learned that sometimes fighting that instinct can be the better option.

Follow your gut when it comes to career moves or perhaps family politics, sure. Any area of life where your reaction to a situation is not going to be clouded with envy, jealousy or anger. Being reserved and protective is ok as long as you don’t limit your life so much that you end up missing out on amazing experiences. Then again, what you don’t experience, perhaps you won’t miss?

Recently Steph told me that he received an email from a woman from his past. Apparently she’s single now and would like to start up a sexual relationship again. The situation is pretty perfect for him, minus the fact that she lives about an hour away, as he’s much more into physical interactions than his emotional wife over here.

When he told me about it, asking how I felt about reconnecting, my gut reaction was to say no. You see, we met this woman at a friends’ birthday party. It was February 2008, and we’d been open for a year and a half. We were drunk, as per often. Steph and she were talking and he told her about our situation. At some point in the evening, I couldn’t find him and wandered upstairs to check the bathroom. Next to the bathroom was a spare room and I heard some noise, opened the door and found the two of them making out, about to have sex, or at least with some clothes off.

Now I’m all about making out in private places, this I don’t have a problem with, but there was something very “crossing the line” with this situation. Steph and I were still relative newbs to non-monogamy and I didn’t appreciate his lack of control of the situation, so I fixed it.

We all ended up having sex, by my rules. I was very controlling of the situation. “What’s that? You want his cock? Then you ask my permission first.” Yeah … that kinda’ stuff. It was a bit much, and she wasn’t really that into it, but it was the only way I knew, in my drunken state, how to handle the situation without really blowing up about the fact that they had both disrespected me and broken many rules.

After that night, they saw each other a couple of times until she got a boyfriend. I was never really comfortable with it. Her name hadn’t been mentioned for almost three years until a few weeks ago and when it was my gut screamed at me: “NO FUCKING WAY!”

I wanted to veto this one because I was immediately brought back to 2008 when I felt total disrespect from both Steph and her, at that party. The fears I used to have about Steph not representing he and I as a team came flooding back.

I had to take myself aside for a minute and talk it through, um, with myself.

I know now that when Steph leaves this house he represents not only his desires but the two of us as a team very well. He is clear about our situation and will keep people up to date as it changes. Because he knows of my intense feelings from the past on this one, he will make sure that she is aware of the boundaries of their relationships as well as give her an understanding of where I’m coming from.

So my gut was actually wrong on this one. It was reacting to an old wound and pouring all sorts of unnecessary salt into it. I’m definitely still wary about the situation and, if he ends up seeing her, will make sure that we talk it through until I reach a good level of comfort, but my gut is telling me now to not go with my gut.

Let’s see if I’m right.

Um, hi ... have you seen this man?? Nom nom nom.

Actually, my . . . → Read More: I Can Haz Crush?]]> No really, can I? Well, it turns out I totally do. And not just on the amazingly dreamy Alex O’Loughlin from Hawaii 5.0, although he is still in the running for top daydream fodder spot in my brain by the way.

Um, hi ... have you seen this man?? Nom nom nom.

Actually, my crush is a guy I met on okC, though have not met in person yet. (Save that for next week.) It feels very strange to have a man crush again and I have been fighting with a little bit of guilt over it.

You may be wondering why? Well it’s a little complicated. For the past, almost two years, I have been dating Don. Besides Steph, and very rarely Harvey, he was the only other guy in my life. I was always hoping for more alone time with him so then when he had to leave the country for work on a few occasions I made sure that as many moments that I could make myself available upon his return, I did. In doing so, nobody else occupied my thoughts, except briefly a couple of girls. Even though I had been “dating??” Harvey for a few years, I still felt guilty when I was with him.

It’s weird, I know, but with intense feelings and conditions as they were, that’s what happened. Don said it recently that I have always been at the mercy of his schedule, and it’s true and is likely how it will probably continue. I would rather see someone I care about than not, so if I have to adjust my calendar to fit them in, well so be it. Life has gotten ridiculously busy in the past six months for everyone so that has definitely taken its toll as well.

Move forward to recently and you’ll get Don and I going through a very rough patch. Specifics aren’t needed but I was ready to walk away on a few occasions and it completely tore me up inside. Finally one day I realized that I had to start doing things for myself and stop being such a slave to the calendar and a new sense of self started to emerge. I’m happy to say that Don and I are ok again, in fact definitely better than we were, but man did we have to go through a lot of mud to get here.

This is the first October in two years that I haven’t been working at a job with a conference being planned right at the end of it. It’s letting me go apeshit for planning my Halloween party but also reminding me of how much I love fall / winter for my dating life. Which is why when Crush, or Keith as we’re calling him, sent me a message on okC I decided to respond. It wasn’t that memorable of a message, mainly a comment on him reading my blog and thanking me, which I get from someone new at least every few days, but there was something about him. Now a week later, he’s a bonafide crush and we’ve spent plenty of time chatting online and getting to know one another. And in this past week I have been dealing with strange guilt and worry that I will hurt Don’s feelings. Practicing what I preach is sometimes very difficult, but here’s what I know:

• Each outside relationship I have is not, and should not be affected by another.
• Nothing has changed for Don and I. He is still so important to me.
• I have always been nervous to hear from him that he’s dating somebody else as well, mainly due to our time constraints. Dating someone that’s already got other people on the go is much easier than dating someone that doesn’t, that then adds them. Weird, huh?
• We’ve talked about this and he knows that my schedule is more flexible than is.
• He encourages me to date others, but often does it when things are rough between us so it makes it a bit tougher for me to do so without the fear that he’s subconsciously trying to push me away because he feels guilty.
• I like the community aspect of dating multiple people and hope that this will happen here.
• I am strangely monogamous with my non-monogamous relationships
• I like Keith a lot and am looking forward to getting to know him.

This post probably reads a lot like I am justifying it to myself and really it has to be like that. When you spend a long time letting your heart lead you down one path, facts are the only thing that you can help navigate a new one.

Let’s just hope that no one is too … crushed.

(Oh come on, I couldn’t resist that!)

It’s been a while since I turned the mirror on myself for a little self-examination and I think I’m overdue so here goes.

Most of you already know. I’ve been in an open marriage for 3.5 years and it probably saved my relationship, or at the very least saved from a life of denying that I was . . . → Read More: Through My Looking Glass]]>

It’s been a while since I turned the mirror on myself for a little self-examination and I think I’m overdue so here goes.

Most of you already know. I’ve been in an open marriage for 3.5 years and it probably saved my relationship, or at the very least saved from a life of denying that I was unhappy when it truth I must have been when I think of how ridiculously happy I am now. (I mean it only makes sense!)I’ve gone from severe sluttery to love to brief BDSM relationships and back again. I’ve fallen in love at various levels on multiple occasions. I’ve drunkenly slept with friends, I’ve had strangers tie me up, I’ve been the crazy girl that’s been probably rightfully dumped and I’ve given so much of myself that I’ve lost focus and didn’t treat everyone as well as I could’ve. When I look back, it’s easy to skim over the memories, but holy shit it freaks me out when I really think about the past few years.

When I fell for the sous chef in 2007, I fell crazy hard. He was the first guy to affect me emotionally in a serious way. Looking back, it was the craziest lust I’d ever felt up to that point, but we were pushed into it … he didn’t own a couch. Lying down was the only option!! When he called things off, I went um, slightly off the deep end. In our relationship I had become the crazy one. My first official open marriage break-up and my brain imploded. I’d had no training for that, I was a total newb! It’s totally embarrassing when I look back on it.

Even after my first breakup the second big one with the Kids hit me really hard. There’s nothing like being helpless as someone tells you of their decision to change your life’s direction. Trying to hold it together at home as a wife while feeling like a freshly dumped single person is challenging beyond belief.

Luckily, there haven’t really been too many heartaches in our house. We’ve had some challenges, some situations that worked out not in our favor, and some people who have left our lives as quickly as they’ve come in but not with animosity. Or at least, not much.

Strangely, my longest relationship this entire time has been with Harvey. He’s cheating. I’m open. He’s a liar. I tell the truth so much I get myself in trouble. I have no excuse and neither does he, but I’m content with it because he means a lot to me.

And then there’s the current crew, and they’re not going anywhere. The Drapers are the “Forever” that the Kids never stood a chance at being. While it’s been an occasionally tumultuous year and a bit, my love for the two of them is constantly growing. And it seems that everyone’s individual relationships within the dynamic of the four of us are strengthening too, which is fantastic and lately we’ve had more individual dates. I don’t know if we’ll partake in any group nakedness again, or girl + girl, but I don’t worry about them not being around for a long time to come so who knows. As for other peeps, Kitty might not always be in my bedroom, but she’s a dear friend and kindred spirit for life. And the same goes for the rest of the crew. You know who you are.

Sadly there are some relationships that didn’t work out this year already. Some people I had hopes for getting closer with / sharing polyamory stories / sometime sharing beds with didn’t like me as I’d wished. Or did, but I fucked it up. Or maybe they do and I didn’t, but I’m too dumb to figure it all out so it’s gone in a completely different direction than I had hoped. I really don’t know, to be honest.

Such is life. I can only talk about it so much before I talk myself into a deep underground grave.

I think I’ve gotten a handle on it all now though, kind of. Steph and I are amazing. We deal with jealousy and time management with a lot more ease than when we first started. Our sex life has improved by a mile and we understand each other now. I mean, really understand each other.

When I look back at myself over the past few years, I know I’ve been the same person all the way through; I’m just so much more complete now. I’ve realized now how important it is to be with people who either aren’t newbs to the whole situation OR to have extra patience with those that are, if I want to be with them for any length of time.

If I look at my reflection in the looking glass now, I hope that it finally shows a woman who loves as much as she can, is one helluva dirty bitch, and is worth knowing, even if just a little or just for a while.

Met Another Frog is geared to urban women and offers stories, social commentary and ‘edutainment’ about:

My challenge? Explain the myths behind men cheating.

Read on, and let me know what . . . → Read More: Men Only Cheat When…]]> Recently I was asked to write a guest blog post for Met Another Frog, about the myths behind men cheating.

Met Another Frog is geared to urban women and offers stories, social commentary and ‘edutainment’ about:

• dating and relationships
• love
• sex
• achieving personal satisfaction on one’s own terms

My challenge? Explain the myths behind men cheating.

Read on, and let me know what you think.

Men only cheat when they’re unhappy partners, or with women who are better looking than you.

What you just read, is a partial myth. It’s an easy one to live with as the reasons are so easy to understand and therefore ignore. Not happy? Then of course he’ll stray. Better looking than you? Well honey, you just never stood a chance. Don’t blame yourself.

The fact is that men cheat for many other reasons, and today, I’m going to shed some light on the issue by breaking some of them down for you. Why am I qualified? Well I’ve been in an open relationship for three and a half years and for almost three of those I’ve had an “undefinable” relationship with a married man. He loves his wife dearly, and despite the unforgivable lies and deceit, he’s a very caring and respectable husband. It can happen.

Reason #1 – He Feels Ignored

I believe that a large percentage of everything that men do is guided by ego; not to say that’s a bad thing. Society grows our men up with the idea that they need to be tough and ready to handle anything; but when it comes to relationships – personal or business – men can be as sensitive as us girls. If a man feels he’s being ignored and another woman gives him a little attention; it’s a hard thing to resist. You might think that this is the same as being unhappy, but I believe that because there are so many layers to the word “unhappy”, we shouldn’t use it as a blanket statement.

Reason #2 – “I’m Proud Of You”

Without proper care a long-term relationship can sometimes wear a man down. Years of “Can you take out the garbage?”, “Did you pick up the milk?” and “I have a headache” can easily lead to two partners living as roommates, without much of a romantic connection. When all a man hears from his SO is nagging, nagging, and wait for it ladies…still more nagging, the appeal of another woman telling him that he’s doing something right is virtually irresistible.

Often times the ‘other women’ aren’t any better looking the partners of the men who cheat. These men aren’t with them for looks alone. They’re with them because they feed their egos. A man yearns to be praised by his woman, to sense and feel her admiration for him: so much so that he’ll chase the feeling – straight into another woman’s arms.

Reason #3 – He’s Not Built For Monogamy

Maybe I’m biased, but I don’t believe monogamy is natural for everyone. It certainly isn’t for me, though I do follow my own personalized version of it, and since opening up my relationship I’ve met many men who feel the same way. They love their partners deeply, but want to experience sex with many other people. Since non-monogamy is still not widely accepted by society, these men often have difficulty broaching the topic with their mates. The brave few who do raise the subject are usually shut down by wives or girlfriends, who are adamantly against it. So, many men who love their partners, don’t want to lose them, and also long to experience sex with others, find themselves stuck with only one option – cheating. The men who take this route aren’t necessarily falling out of love with their partners. They’re just selfish, scared and/or unwilling to disrupt their family lives.

Reason #4 – He’s a Little Kinky

Some men like to have a kinky secret that is set apart from their relationship – something their partners know nothing about. These men may have tried to share their kinky side with their SOs only to find that their female partners don’t want to be choked or see them wearing a collar and a leash.  But if a man’s kinky habit is a big part of who he is, he’ll have trouble denying it. For men like this, cheating will always appear to be the best option.

Reason # 5 – Cheating Is The Norm

Despite the fact that cheating is wrong and there’s isn’t really any good excuse for it, it really is the norm. We humans have been cheating since time immemorial. Also, with the media constantly bombarding us with celebrity sex scandals and tales of infidelity, I think many of us are starting to expect it. Few of these reports tackle the reasons why people cheat. Instead they spin something like Tiger Woods’ philandering into a sex addiction – one he can’t control without help – and avoid discussing the lack of honest communication or the weak emotional connection he probably faced in his marriage. Furthermore, the fact that in 2010 it’s still more acceptable to admit to being a cheater than to say you’re in a healthy and happy polyamorous/swinging relationship, is proof that infidelity is more accepted by society than we’d like to admit.

Sadly, if we ALL don’t make an effort to improve the way we communicate and behave in our relationships, people will continue to cheat and hurt the ones they love the most. We ALL need to take responsibility for opening up to our partners about what we’re really feeling. So, be honest with yourself and your mate about what you need to make your relationship work for you, and why you think you’re not getting it at home.

Read the post on the Met Another Frog site by clicking here.

Though it’s not always hard.

It can give you everything you’ve ever wanted.

Sometimes a whole lot less. Sometimes a whole lot more.

It can be about freedom and doing as you like, while on other days, hard compromise and sacrifice.

You’ll work your ass off to communicate your wants. Your needs. Your desires.

And along the way . . . → Read More: An Essay on Non-Monogamy]]> It’s not always easy.

Though it’s not always hard.

It can give you everything you’ve ever wanted.

Sometimes a whole lot less. Sometimes a whole lot more.

It can be about freedom and doing as you like, while on other days, hard compromise and sacrifice.

You’ll work your ass off to communicate your wants. Your needs. Your desires.

And along the way you might just want to stop talking and give up.

I know I have.

I know I will again.

You might wonder why it’s worth it.

The insecurities. The envy. The effort.

The heartaches. The anxieties. The grief.

And on another day you might be in a naked pile with people you’ve just met.

Or people you’d never want to lose.

Compliments might flow a little easier off your lips or into your ears.

And when you wake up in the morning you’ll feel more loved than ever before.

Your mouth might avoid compliments, and lash out at someone instead.

In anger. Or in fear.

If you’re lucky, you’ll realize early on that it’s not all flowers and bunnies.

That knowledge will eventually make you stronger.

Sometimes you’ll be home alone while everyone else has sparks flying around them.

And you might wonder “What’s wrong with me?”

But you know deep down the answer is Nothing. You are beautiful.

Maybe you’ll discover a new craving that only a certain man or woman can fulfill.

Or maybe you’ll realize how many people can do that thing, that oh so good thing.

That oh so very, very good thing.

You could be irrational when someone asks something of you today.

And tomorrow you’ll be offering what they want before they part their lips.

One day you might feel so small and insignificant.

The next you’ll be on top of the world.

It will be a roller coaster, of that there is no doubt.

If it all goes well, the best you’ll ever know.

Hey! You should start a blog!

Yes. It was that simple and un-thought out.

I don’t think that I . . . → Read More: I am not an expert.]]> Recently I’ve gotten a lot of varied feedback about my online presence. Sharing a lot of your life with the web leaves you open to input, good and bad, something I knew when starting this site at a friends’ suggestion:

Hey! You should start a blog!

Yes. It was that simple and un-thought out.

I don’t think that I am the be all and end all of polyamory / non-monogamy advice on the internet. In fact, I know and admire many other writers in the U.S. and across Canada that can do it perhaps better, or with more grace. I disagree 100 % with Steph’s ex who in one of her many recent oh-so-hateful emails said that I see myself as the ‘epitome of open relationship knowledge’ because I am SO not.

It just so happens that I know what works and what doesn’t work, for me. It’s my blog, after all. Sure I call it a guide, just like the book that I’m writing is also a guide, but lots of people write those based on their research and experience. When people commend me on my bravery for sharing my stories online I appreciate it, but I still don’t get the big deal. I mean I DO get it, it’s not that common, but it seems to me that it should be which is why it’s sometimes weird to get recognition for it. (I think there’s a chance I live on another dimension). Note, this isn’t me fishing for compliments. I am very lucky in that I’ve heard so many of them over the past few years. I’ve also heard many insults because when you expose yourself to so many people you invite criticism in. Such is the life I have chosen for myself.

Knowing that people read and enjoy my blog, I will admit, makes me happy. On the times when I’m not just verbally diarrhea-ing all over this site, I do try to put some thought into it. Sometimes blog posts take me days and days to write. Something which drives me crazy to no end and I’m working on changing. (If it takes that long to blog, how can I EVER expect to finish the book!?) I try to have my stories show both sides to make them more relatable for you, my curious readers. At the very least you can see that someone else is going through some of the same trials and tribulations that you are. Or that people in open relationships can be pretty normal (ish). I share my name and my life because it doesn’t make any sense to me not to. Where it came from, I don’t know as my mum is a pretty private person and my dad and I were never close enough while he was alive for me to determine how much he shared with the world and how much he kept close to his chest.

I share because I don’t know any other way. There’s a lovely guy on okC who’s recently read my blog from start to finish. He says he has a crush on me for my honesty and I’m flattered. Though when I’m on dates, that honesty makes me ramble like an absolute idiot, like when I went out recently on a first date with a new gal.

At the end of the day, I’m flattered to have helped some of you. As a relationship coach, I believe it’s not my purpose to be an expert on everything. I should be able to help others reach their potential if they want to, and hopefully NYMP is able to do that. But really, I’m just a girl like any other.

Me being very just a girl with smeared makeup and a messy bedroom.

I burp, I fart, I make mistakes. I forget my friends’ birthdays to make drink plans with others (sorry Tara!). I don’t put away my laundry and sometimes I blank out at work. I strive to be a great friend but sometimes I can be the worst. I have such a strong fear of rejection that I don’t know how to flirt with people I haven’t met online, or deal with friends when things become unfamiliar. Sometimes, I totally suck at polyamory and have no concept of how to follow my own advice. I’ve done bad things under the influence of hormones and dating intoxication that have hurt people. I watch porn and sometimes sneak orgasms without my husband around because I want to be lost in a daydream about someone else. I can be selfish and self absorbed or want things for myself that I have a hard time with Steph having. I’ve been friends with / dating a man whose wife doesn’t know I exist for almost three years. There are moments I expect the world to lay down at my feet, and other times I expect no one to notice me and wonder why they would. I suck big donkey balls when it comes to returning emails. I get embarrassed when people consider me a (very very minor) online celebrity or tell me that they read my blog even though that’s partially the point of this entire operation. I am sorry when I hurt people and it haunts me for a long, long time though I forgive those that hurt me far too easily.

In short, I am not an expert. My name is Samantha and I can’t be bothered to use a paper diary anymore so I type things here and hope they amuse you at least a little.

And if they don’t, I have to ask … Why’d you read so far??

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