It doesn’t happen often but every now and then a random stranger will pour their heart out to me via email. It’s usually either a response to a post I’ve written or an advice request. The email I received from Sarah (name has been changed) yesterday really made me think and want to virtually hug her.
I’m not going to share the email because a) it’s very personal and b) it’s too long, but I am going to give you the gist of it below, plus my response to her. I think that Sarah is an incredibly strong young woman and I hope everything works out for she and her husband.
Here are the main points of her letter to me:
Sarah’s a small town girl living a city life now.
She grew up with traditional family values, a strong belief in monogamy. She doesn’t feel that she has anyone to talk to.
It’s been almost a decade that she and her husband have been together.
In the beginning he expressed interest in an open relationship. Sarah wasn’t into it so the idea was shelved. He went along with this.
A few months ago they hit a rough patch. He admitted that he didn’t think he could be happy as a monogamist but was torn because he loved her so much. They decided to think about it
She found out very recently that he had been sleeping with someone else. Instead of getting mad about it, she (and he) were surprised her being quite supportive of his external desires.
Sarah says she hated herself for keeping him in a monogamous relationship.
Discussions have revolved around the two of them having threesomes with another woman. Perhaps something that could become a regular thing.
It’s been mentioned that the woman that they sleep with could definitely be the woman he was cheating with.
Her husband has admitted to caring about this woman, but not as much as he cares about his wife. He has also said that he would find someone else if this didn’t work.
Sarah has been battling with what she feels is right and what’s she is used to thinking is wrong (open relationships). She is dealing with a bit of an internal struggle.
Sarah and her husband love each other very much and now she just needs some time to figure out how to go about this properly.
When I first started this blog I never wanted to be a poster child for non-monogamy. Sure, I’ve enjoyed what limited “fame” I’ve achieved (if you can call it that), but I don’t aspire to be the go to person when the media needs someone to talk to. That being said, I’m always happy to share . . . → Read More: I Ain’t No Poster Child
When I first had the idea for Playground around the end of last summer, I had a lot more time on my hands. I had quit my job a few months prior to finish working on my non-monogamy guide book – which I promise to finish sooooon – and had seemingly all the time in the . . . → Read More: Why Playground? Why Now?
My wedding ring and I have a strange relationship. When I’m at home, I often pay it no attention, abandoning it on a random shelf as soon as I walk in the door. It never sleeps with me or sees me naked. I won’t let it eat at the dinner table and it certainly never gets to hang out during sex.
However when it’s time to leave the house and go out in public, I am absolutely lost without it. On those days where I cannot remember which one of five random shelves has been graced with my white-gold, sad excuse for bling band, I find myself sometimes hiding my ring finger when surrounded by strangers, lest someone see me as not married or worse … with a wedding ring tan line (a sure sign of cheating, some would say).
For whatever reason, there’s been a lot of chat lately between friends, strangers and I about my relationship with my husband and I’ve been doing some thinking about things I’ve known for years. Questions that I’ve been asked have caused me to reflect on where we are now.
I’ve been thinking about he and I, and he . . . → Read More: Gooooooo Team!
Today Steph and I are celebrating ten years of being together. I’d say to start with that our relationship is a testament to non-monogamy being able to be successful just as much as any other relationship with hard work and communication.
Over the past 10 years Steph and I have changed so much. We’ve gone through a . . . → Read More: Happy 10 Year Anniversary!
In 2010 Steph and I took part in filming for a documentary all about modern marriage. It took a while to convince him to join in and I think he finally gave in so that I could use the opportunity to (hopefully) further my career by getting our names out there.
We filmed a few times last year and eventually got used to the idea of having a camera crew with big lights in our faces while we pretended to pour coffee and make pasta. It was a blast to be able to share our pretty normal to us life with the Dreamfilm crew and, next Thursday, January 20th at 9 pm, all of you!
I will admit, I’m apprehensive to see what happens after the documentary airs. Maybe nothing will change and maybe everything will. Who knows!? I’m also apprehensive to see the documentary on television. I have no doubt that it will edited fairly and honestly and that the only people that might make Steph and I look like asses will be ourselves. Finally, I hate the fact that my hips and ugly green jacket made it onto the show. Someone should’ve told me to grab my longer winter coat and fix my hair that day. Ugh!
Anyway, I hope that you check out the show and come back to give me your feedback, not just on our appearance but on modern marriage in general. If you aren’t able to watch the show on CBC, there’s a link to check it out online after it airs on the CBC Doc Zone page. Hopefully that’s for everyone, not just Canadians!
(Note: A comment discussion has led me to realize I should have been more specific and mention the fact that I’m talking about naked, sexy times only in this post. Those moments when you lose yourself in the sweat, the moans and the feel of skin against skin. Hopefully this clears things up a bit.)
I admit it. There are some top 40 songs this year that have caught the attention of my hips; more so than usual. While my musical tastes are usually really varied, there’s something about 2010 club music that has my ass shaking. And while most of the time the messages are empty and the lyrics ridiculous, one song has me thinking and applying it to non-monogamy.
The song? Rihanna’s “Only Girl In The World”. When I first heard it I found something entrancing about the way she was singing, well belting really. After a while though, I started listening to the words and felt a connection to the sentiment.
“I want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world.” Read more »
Last week Steph and I took our first real relaxing vacation, ever. We’ve been together for just under ten years and it took my brothers’ wedding in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico before we decided to go anywhere that wasn’t a quick 3 day stint, road trip or home to England to visit my family.
Because the idea of not being part of the culture and just staying on a resort ground for 9 days was scary to us we booked 4 days in town first and then 5 at the resort. This was definitely the best way to do it, for us. Being able to explore the town from day to night, from the tourist zone to the outskirts was amazing. We knew all the drug dealers, all the best happy hours, and had a great conversation about sex with a hot bartender on the beach which was a plus for Samantha.
Recently, while hanging in Mexico on holiday, Steph and I were having some sort of light relationship chat. I don’t remember at all what sparked it, but he suddenly said “I love the fact that Don feels about you like he does.”
When I asked him to explain he was talking about how it was nice for . . . → Read More: Reassurance Win
