In 2010 Steph and I took part in filming for a documentary all about modern marriage. It took a while to convince him to join in and I think he finally gave in so that I could use the opportunity to (hopefully) further my career by getting our names out there.
We filmed a few times last year and eventually got used to the idea of having a camera crew with big lights in our faces while we pretended to pour coffee and make pasta. It was a blast to be able to share our pretty normal to us life with the Dreamfilm crew and, next Thursday, January 20th at 9 pm, all of you!
I will admit, I’m apprehensive to see what happens after the documentary airs. Maybe nothing will change and maybe everything will. Who knows!? I’m also apprehensive to see the documentary on television. I have no doubt that it will edited fairly and honestly and that the only people that might make Steph and I look like asses will be ourselves. Finally, I hate the fact that my hips and ugly green jacket made it onto the show. Someone should’ve told me to grab my longer winter coat and fix my hair that day. Ugh!
Anyway, I hope that you check out the show and come back to give me your feedback, not just on our appearance but on modern marriage in general. If you aren’t able to watch the show on CBC, there’s a link to check it out online after it airs on the CBC Doc Zone page. Hopefully that’s for everyone, not just Canadians!
Each of us has many layers to who we are. There is the person that we show our friends, our family, our lovers and our coworkers. For some, they are one and the same. For others, each persona is a different representative of our reality where we can pick and choose which of our features to highlight at any given moment.
And then there are the people we are when we are alone. I say people because many times we keep secrets even from ourselves. We have breakfast. We watch television. We read books. We work out. We take ourselves for walks in the park. To the bakery for an afternoon treat. Into the bath for a relaxing soak after a hard day at work. And at certain moments we catch a glance in the mirror and see our true self. I’m not saying that who we are the rest of the time isn’t real or true, but underneath it all exists our core, our base, our private self. The part of us that feels emotions more intensely than we allow our own minds to admit most of the time.
(Note: A comment discussion has led me to realize I should have been more specific and mention the fact that I’m talking about naked, sexy times only in this post. Those moments when you lose yourself in the sweat, the moans and the feel of skin against skin. Hopefully this clears things up a bit.)
I admit it. There are some top 40 songs this year that have caught the attention of my hips; more so than usual. While my musical tastes are usually really varied, there’s something about 2010 club music that has my ass shaking. And while most of the time the messages are empty and the lyrics ridiculous, one song has me thinking and applying it to non-monogamy.
The song? Rihanna’s “Only Girl In The World”. When I first heard it I found something entrancing about the way she was singing, well belting really. After a while though, I started listening to the words and felt a connection to the sentiment.
“I want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world.” Read more »
The other night when Steph and I got to the park, I pulled out my phone and checked in via Facebook Places and Foursquare.
“Who do you check in for?” he asked.
Sheepishly, I replied … “Um, me I guess? I like having a record.”
To tell the truth, I’m not 100% sure what drives the need to stay connected through social media and tell the world what I’m doing instead of remaining anonymous which is the much easier choice. I’m guilty of many of the crimes that sites like The Oatmeal would say is social / information faux pas and then I make fun of others for doing them as well.
It’s just what you do, I tell myself.
But is it? Why do I feel this incessant need to tweet all the time or share my life via my blog? Why the push to be more honest than sometimes necessary, to expose myself and my wounds?
A few months after opening up our marriage in 2006 I started a blog. It was an anonymous blog, whose address I don’t think I even remember, that I used as a diary to share graphic details about the dates I was going on. Sex with others, while married, was new and it felt great hitting publish on a dirty post that was going out into cyberspace, as we called it back then. #old
This was back before the days of Twitter or me being on Facebook so there wasn’t really an easy way for me to inform people about this dirty diary. I told a few friends and *Harvey knew – which was really weird as I’d write about our BDSM times together, knowing he’d read it, automatically giving him insight into my thoughts. *See: Glutton for punishment.
I stopped writing in the blog after a while, even though I’d developed a small group of devoted, anonymous pervy followers. In March of 2008 I started this blog and realized immediately that I had to view posting very differently. No longer was I anonymous open marriage girl, I was Samantha Fraser and everybody knew it. If I had a bad date or sexual encounter, I couldn’t very well share it without fearing some dating drama wrath to come down on me.
So hard that I’m even stealing titles from my own blog because my brain is feeling tapped.
Well not really. In actuality my brain is feeling fuzzy. I’m stuck in a weird place trying to kick my own ass into writing and I keep being distracted. Fighting distractions is one of my biggest problems.
Ooh look! There’s a kitty! There’s Twitter! OkC! There’s an orgasm waiting to be had!
I don’t know how to reward myself with fun social media time and instead just spend my time on it. Rather than save a friends’ holiday photos for after I’m done my work, I’ll interrupt my writing – mid sentence – to travel to a distant land, virtually.
I am a virtual tourist stalker with undiagnosed ADD.
This afternoon U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker ruled in the case brought before him by lawyers Ted Olson and David Boies, which argued that the Proposition 8 ballot initiative denying marriage rights to same-sex couples in California was unconstitutional.
When sitting up here in Toronto, Canada, looking at my wedding cake figurines that I bought for my first paid wedding planning gig WAY back in 2005, that just so happened to be for two lovely men from Bermuda … it’s hard to wrap my brain around the idea that these rights haven’t already been given to same-sex couples at least in somewhere like California.
It has been a busy week and a half for Steph and I. On Sunday, May 30th we did an extra bit of filming for the documentary on modern marriage that we’re going to be in, I believe airing on CBC’s Doc Zone (next year sometime?), and last night we were interviewed for local sex show, Sex Matters.
Yes, that’s soon what I will be saying as June 2nd is my last official day at Interactive Ontario. 8 months ago I would have been over the moon to be leaving, regardless of having any other plans, but now this departure is bitter sweet. The organization has improved, and I have realized where my talents . . . → Read More: I’m Not Unemployed … I’m a "Writer"
