I’ve realized something about myself lately – and it’s not that I don’t mind the taste of seaweed as much as I once thought – though this is also true. It’s that my submissive side is so much more than an occasional stress reliever or playtime. It’s become what I need and what I crave most . . . → Read More: It Felt Like a Kiss: What Submission Means to Me
     
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If it’s possible that a year can have a theme, this was it for 2011. Last year was all about me giving absolutely every last drop of energy I could to other people, putting myself last. But it didn’t matter. In the end, there was nothing I could do to change the situations that surrounded me. . . . → Read More: It’s Not You, It’s Me It doesn’t happen often but every now and then a random stranger will pour their heart out to me via email. It’s usually either a response to a post I’ve written or an advice request. The email I received from Sarah (name has been changed) yesterday really made me think and want to virtually hug her.
I’m not going to share the email because a) it’s very personal and b) it’s too long, but I am going to give you the gist of it below, plus my response to her. I think that Sarah is an incredibly strong young woman and I hope everything works out for she and her husband.
Here are the main points of her letter to me:
My reply:
Big cat says "Me-ow" I wasted a lot of energy in 2011 on other people. Any of it that wasn’t going to my job went to other people, with a teensy tiny bit of leftovers coming to me. (And of course, I always have a permanent chunk for my lovely husband. That doesn’t change.) I lay . . . → Read More: Becoming the Hunted I was interviewed recently by Sexy Typewriter about my open relationship. Or so I thought. If you’re reading this and you’re not a Facebook or Twitter friendly, it’s highly likely that you linked to me from the Toronto Sun’s website. Or the Edmonton Sun … or one of the many Suns across Canada (apparently what they . . . → Read More: Ohai Stake Burners … When I first started this blog I never wanted to be a poster child for non-monogamy. Sure, I’ve enjoyed what limited “fame” I’ve achieved (if you can call it that), but I don’t aspire to be the go to person when the media needs someone to talk to. That being said, I’m always happy to share . . . → Read More: I Ain’t No Poster Child I believe pretty strongly that every man and woman deserves to be presented with the opportunity for group sex. It might not be their thing and it’s ok to say no, but with only one life to live on this earth, why do so many spend theirs not working harder on their bucket lists? I suppose for some, it’s a matter of circumstance. Which is why I’ve been hoping for years to be able to offer Harvey a threesome. People in my life that are nice should have nice things. And what’s nicer than two gals willing to do what you say, all nekkid and stuff? So I kept it in the back of my mind for years. Relationships with others came and went; Harvey was always around. While our level of interaction has changed over the years, the idea was never shelved. Though I don’t think he really expected it would happen; and who can blame him considering we’ve known each other for 4.5 years already, sans group sex. Read more » Ah dear NYMP. How I have neglected you so much this year. You understand though, don’t you? I have been so busy planning Digifest and Playground that a) my personal life has not been very exciting; in fact mostly sad and tragic and b) fuck it, I’m tiiiired. However, don’t fret. My worn out little brain has many posts for you to share with the world eventually, and one by one we will make it through. For now I’m going to treat you to a little revelation I had last night. Before I get to said revelation, I will give you a bit of back story so we’re all on the same page. You know about my relationship with Harvey. It’s been almost five years and we’ve gone through many different phases. From curious to friends, to kinksters who need to learn more, to backburner friends. And now we’ve arrived at this nice, happy place where we’re further evolving our dom/sub relationship. Gone are the days of me trying desperately to get him to validate my existence when in subspace. They have now been replaced by more responsible and respectful lines of communication; a sense of feeling very special and wanting to please him as a result, instead of wanting to please him to prove that I’m special. Lately, as a result of this new found closeness, I have been thinking a lot about our relationship. Why does it work? What are my thoughts on his “situation”? What do I get out of it? What does he get out of it? Why do we like each other? And so on … Then I realized something last night. When I first had the idea for Playground around the end of last summer, I had a lot more time on my hands. I had quit my job a few months prior to finish working on my non-monogamy guide book – which I promise to finish sooooon – and had seemingly all the time in the . . . → Read More: Why Playground? Why Now? If I “meet” you on an online dating site – probably okCupid since it’s the only one I’m on – there’s a few things you should know about how we will interact with one another. Online dating can be an absolute minefield. My girlfriends and I have long email threads dedicated to the disgusting, crass and ridiculous emails that some people send, but there are many gems underneath that outer layer of human crap, which is why I’m about to tell you this. On favorites: Unless you show absolutely no interests outside of Creed, Two and a Half Men, Star Wars, pizza and beer, I will not judge you for your taste in music, movies, food and TV. I have some strange tastes in all of these things and know that your life’s path may have led you to an interest in death metal, country, indie or even Gaga. Our time together doesn’t have to involve seeing the same bands in concert or bonding over True Blood or Dexter, though I certainly agree it would be fun if it did. I don’t expect us to like all of the same foods. You will probably like something that I find disgusting and horrific and you might not be able to see past my love of Branston pickle but as long as you don’t try to kiss me with onion or olive breath though, I think we will make it through. I will not judge you for your (lack of) knowledge of wine. Nor for your favorite travel destinations or choices of art on your walls. If life has taken you on a path where you cannot afford to live on your own, I won’t mind. Though it will certainly make it difficult should we choose to take our clothes off. If you like to partake in recreational drugs that I am not involved in, I will not be scared away. My body has my own thoughts on these things, but as long as you are respectful, not creepy and still nice to me, it is not my place to judge your chosen form of relaxation. I only ask that you understand and respect my personal choices or limits. I will not judge you for driving a car or being a cyclist. I will however, take issue with you placing all blame for road problems on one or the other. As someone who partakes in both forms of transportation I see the problems on either side of the coin. I won’t not date you because of your chosen profession(s) – or lack of one – and in fact will be curious to learn about your passions. |
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