Getting to this place in my mind has been a bit of a journey. Accepting that the things that turn my body and mind on do not make me a freak, or that maybe I have daddy issues and in some strange way this deals with them, has certainly been an inner struggle; one that I’ve kept certain details of to myself for fear of someone telling me I’m wrong while I’m still trying to figure it out.

I’m feeling confident now that I have figured it out, after almost 5 years discovering my kink identity, so here is my submission explained in absolutely no specific order.

1. I Totally Have Daddy Issues

It’s true, I do and I’m ok admitting it. My parents split up when I was around 10 or so and soon after my dad got a new girlfriend and three step-sons. I felt like an unimportant total outcast when I went to stay with him as suddenly I wasn’t his everyday family anymore; not that he did anything to really cause this. I moved to Ontario at age 13 with my mum and sort of lost touch with my dad for a while. There was a period of about a year and a half where we didn’t even speak and it devastated me. Before he died in 2004, we had started to have a better relationship, but I still have no idea if anything I did ever made him proud of me.

I don’t know if he thought I was a failure for being a bigger girl or for not being good at sports, like my step brothers. I have no idea why he didn’t talk to me for that time during my formative and fragile teenage years and I carry that with me like a burden. Finally, I have no idea if he would be proud of me now, were he still alive.

As a result, I crave it now; that feeling of someone being proud of me. The idea that I can be valued and special and precious and a good girl. I have no idea why, when I get that feeling, I get turned on like you wouldn’t believe. That’s too much science for me to bother trying to understand. All I do know is that I have daddy issues, which sucks, but somehow it’s great for my sex life, which rocks. I don’t really understand it, but I do not feel that I need to.

2. I Totally Dig on Sensory Deprivation

Discovering this one has been fun but pretty obvious. Even when I was younger I used to play breath games to feel dizzy. As an adult, I absolutely adore being choked. Ideally, I prefer it to be calm and not violent; though that is sometimes what I get. Giving up that control to another person that I feel safe with is such a comforting and freeing sensation, plus if done correctly, breath play feels physically AWEsome.

Also, having my sight taken from me rocks my world. Being blindfolded and having to rely on my other senses absolutely amazes me.

Again, why does it do things to my genitals? Fucked if I know, but it does and that’s great.

3. I Totally Want to Hear About That Thing You Like

While visiting a handsome man the other night after work I suddenly noticed a pattern that has been evident for years with Harvey. I absolutely adore listening to people talking about their passions. It doesn’t matter if it’s nerd culture, food, fancy clothing or sexual politics; if someone is interested in it and that comes through, I’m hooked. I love seeing people enjoying themselves and light up; it’s why I sit there quietly content when Harvey takes his first sip of booze after a long day in the office or why I’m always so happy when Steph has a crazy outburst of laughter at some dumb cartoon show. Emotions can be exciting. Passion and drive are inspiring and make me want to drop to me knees and go to town on your bits.

Also, I love role playing that I cannot speak. I remember doing it in high school art class for 45 minutes; probably because I talked too much and friends wanted to see if they could shut me up. Even after class though I stopped talking for a while. I did it again with my first boyfriend once. We role played that I was new to town and could not speak anything and we had to talk to one another just through facial expressions, mhmms and head nods/shakes.

Recently it happened with Harvey and another woman we played with. They were getting to know one another while I sat there, saying nothing, for at least half an hour. I loved it. I was completely in his control, willingly giving it to him. My brain was in such a lovely subspace that I had no want or desire to speak unless I was spoken to or given permission to. I suspect this has something to do with daddy issues as well, but hey, I’m no Freud.

4. I Totally Love Physical Sensation

I insist that I don’t like pain and to be honest I think that I am pretty bad at receiving it, but I still can’t help myself. More and more I think about being spanked, having my hair pulled or being slapped in the face. My favorite sex is that which includes at least one of those options, preferably all three. When done well, I am a puddle. An instant, malleable servicebot that does what she is told, no questions asked.

I know it’s fucked but I also like that I flinch now from years of being smacked unexpectedly. I like not knowing all the time when a smack is coming because even though I totally love physical sensation, I love even more giving up control. Feeling scared and powerless is sexy and rewarding and yum yum yum.

Also, being with a person that is hitting you to give you pleasure feels much more rewarding than someone simply abusing you. There’s a certain level of trust that has to be shared between the people involved to allow it to happen and it can be super fucking hot to find that level of intimacy and trust with a lover.

5. I Totally Love Being Dirty and Naughty

It doesn’t really matter what it is. Following someone’s perverted instructions, being examined, gagging enthusiastically, rubbing them under our restaurant table. If it would normally be considered a “shameful” activity by mainstream society, then I want to do it. Being Don Draper’s dirty little secret that he gets with in the hallway, turns me on immensely though I don’t understand it. Not only do I want to do it, but I want to be freaking amazing at it. I take great pride in being a good lover and hope that everyone I am with tells me if there is something that I can do differently to give them as much dirty pleasure as possible.

Being a dirty slut fills me with glee but being a bitch? That doesn’t sit right with me at all.

6. I Totally Need to Shut My Brain Off

This one’s a given and I’ve always mentioned it in the past when talking about kink. Giving into submission lets me shut off my brain and I do not give myself many chances to do that. Even when experimenting with recreational drugs I still fight to stay focused and cannot just give into the sensations my body is going through. I always have to have some grip on control of my life; finding it hard to relax without multi-tasking at the time. I give myself so many tasks in my day to day life that I need to escape from them at times. Submission takes away that need for responsibility that I have and allows me to just be responsible to the person running the show.

In addition to turning off my brain I also like to feel for a while like I don’t have all the answers. I like to have my dominant partners explain things to me that I am certain I would understand if not with them. My brain gets a weird kick out of feeling dumb or less and I am ok with that. Completely. (I promise.)

7. I Totally Love Being Tied Up and/or Humiliated

This one is new to me but I have been tied up a few times and found that the sensation of being exposed, waiting for him to put me in the position that pleases him; standing in a way that helps him accomplish his goal, makes me feel tingly all over. Cleaning his boots, while I lay naked in a heap at his feet; you’d think it would be embarrassing. Instead, I feel immense pride and motivation. I want to do the best that I can and I am proud of myself for doing so.

I know. It’s fucked.

Leftovers

There are probably many other things that I get out giving myself to someone else. I get to stroke their ego and make them feel good about themselves. I can be the person that they tell their embarrassing secrets to that still wants to suck their dick. I want to worship people and give them compliments when they deserve them because making people feel good, feels good.

I feel comfortable now admitting to all of the things that I enjoy about D/s dynamics. I don’t feel like a freak anymore but instead feel like a woman who owns her sexuality and knows what she wants.

I want to be with people that make me feel safe. People that deserve the gift of my attention and devotion. Sometimes I want to have a Daddy but I am still figuring out what that means to me. I know that I melt when being called someone’s girl, even more so when I am a good girl. I know that having a Daddy does not mean I have to be a little girl. I can have a Daddy and still be an adult. I also enjoy being someone’s pet because it lets me feel treasured. I know that I need help being able to express out loud what I want, which is one of the reasons I am writing this all down. I know that my inhibitions are still holding me back from giving myself total happiness and this is my first step to moving forward.

And most importantly, but probably the most frustrating truth of all is that I know that I would do anything for a good spanking right about …. now.

Rejection is a funny thing. Our reaction to it is rarely logical. Having someone tell me that they still wanted me but couldn’t be with me because of something I had no control over made my brain implode. I knew it wasn’t really rejection of me. I knew I was still held in high regard. I knew that it wasn’t me, it was them.

It didn’t matter though. I still felt like I had failed. Like I wasn’t good enough. Or pretty enough. Or thin enough. Or or or or or …

It’s hard to get over our rejection self-absorption to accept that we are not the only person driving the decisions in our relationships with others. We all want our independence when things are going well, but suddenly when they are going south we expect that our lovers, our partners, our friends should do what we want them to because it makes sense to OUR hearts, ignoring what makes sense to theirs. This was my lesson of 2011 and I am holding it close to my chest in 2012.

Anyway. I’m actually getting to a story.

A couple of weeks ago I was about to go absolutely crazy on a crush friend. I will call him, um, Frank. So Frank and I have known each other, not well, for at least 6 years. He’s the only person I’ve crushed on since before we were open which means I hold him in some sort of strange high regard as if he’s from my “before time”. We’d run into each other occasionally and both Steph and I always enjoyed our chats with him. I have always liked Frank for being, in no particular order, good lookin’, funny, super nice and for having the aura of someone with naughty interests.

When we ran into each other last September and drunkenly confessed to finding each other attractive, I didn’t believe it. The sexy text messages that confirmed it read like make believe. I needed to see it in person to truly before.

Somehow, to my own surprise, a couple of months later, we finally had a night out in a local bar. We got drunk and flirted and made out. My brain was all “what the fuck is happening?” because it was too good to be true. Now I’m wondering if it was. Unfortunately that evening, Steph was coming to pick me up and he happened to catch Frank and I making out on the street. Being the amazingly unphased fellow that he is, Steph was fine with it. Frank however, was not. He freaked out and felt terrible. He fell off the radar for weeks and I had to chalk it up to something on his end.

AS MUCH AS I TOLD MYSELF I WAS PROBABLY UGLY OR WEIRD OR SOMETHING.

Then finally we reconnected and started making plans for some sexy time. Then he cancelled because he was too hung over, which irritated me immensely. Then I cancelled because I had period cramps, which irritated me immensely. And then he stood me up because of an emergency, in front of my friends, which embarrassed me, but I forgave once he explained. Somehow, after all of this, I was still interested and finally ended up in his place. On his couch. Next to his face.

It was odd. It’s always strange to sit next to someone who’s sent you a text about how many orgasms they’re going to give you, like it’s regular conversation that we could have verbally. You want to say “So, about those orgasms …”, but then you don’t. Well maybeif you’re me, sometimes you do …

Eventually we made out. It was great. I found it hard to believe that I was kissing this hot guy I’d liked for so long and he was actually into me. Those texts were real!

Then it stopped. He looked at me and said he had to be honest. Every time he kissed me, he was thinking of my husband. Not in a sexual way, of course, but because he felt guilty. He knew he shouldn’t. He knew it was ok, but still there was that nagging feeling that he was doing something wrong. I didn’t know how to respond. I have forgotten what it’s like to not be familiar with non-monogamy. Once I gathered my thoughts and saved myself from freaking out on him, it was almost impossible to stop the “I’m being rejected.” thoughts from flooding in.

I told myself that he was saying the guilty stuff as a way of getting out of making out with me. He realized that I was terrible at it so he invented a believable excuse that I couldn’t argue with. I’m just not pretty enough. I’m too fat. I’m too forward.

Then I mentally slapped myself and realized; it’s not me, it’s him. He was sitting there feeling terrible about the whole thing. Telling me that he was having a panic attack and guilty feelings when he kissed me. Telling me how excited he was to be with me and how much he enjoyed my company and was really into me. And what did I do? I asked him for reassurance that he still wanted to touch my vagina. My self esteem used the situation as an excuse to talk about itself. My self esteem needed to take a chill pill, but it was hard. We sat there, feeling quite awkward for a little bit, until we were able to relax. I gave him a massage because I just wanted to touch the guy and we chatted about other things. Was I disappointed that all my orgasmic dreams weren’t coming true? Absolutely. I’m feeling a little hopeless at the moment that, even with my slow help, he’s just not built for non-monogamy and there won’t be anything I can do to change that, no matter how much we both want it. I’m giving him some space for now because I’ve realized that I can’t push it. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out and I will be ok.

In contrast to how Samantha from 2011 would have reacted, I am slowly learning that it doesn’t matter how much I want it to happen; even how much HE wants it to happen. He has his own complicated feelings that I cannot change. I have to stop telling myself that I should have worn a different outfit or put my hair in a different style. None of that matters. He’s into me, but non-monogamy is unfamiliar territory.

It’s not me. It’s him. And I am strangely, calmly ok with that. Finally.

Being open to having a threesome with him is a great plan. It may be exactly the right thing for the two of you to get a huge sexual spark, however I worry about it being with the woman he cheated with. Here’s a few points to consider:

So if you’re here and you want to burn me at the stake for ruining marriage or being a selfish whore or whatever else you feel I am doing to destroy society, I invite you to read my post, “I Am Not a Poster Child”.

I don’t think that non-monogamy works for everyone. I think there are definitely some careless un-safe non-monogamists out there, just like there are un-safe monogamists as well. There are happy and sad versions on each side.

It might matter to you what I do, but I don’t care what you do in your bedroom and who you do it with. What matters to me is if you’re a nice person. If you say thank you to the bus driver. If you hold doors open for people. If you teach your children to stand up to bullies. If you teach your children about gender equality and rape culture and eating their vegetables. I hope you remember to laugh at silly things. I hope you are honest with yourself and your friends and especially your family. I hope you like to indulge sometimes. I hope you live life to the fullest.

And I hope that whatever you choose to do with your love life that you are not judged and that you get lots of cuddles.

Feel free to commence the burning at the stake in 3, 2, 1 …

David mentioned to me at some point before or after my Playground Non-Monogamy 101 workshop that he would be interested in doing a piece on non-monogamy where I would be featured. I’ve said yes to similar pieces in the past and had a great feeling about both him and the girl who called me a few days after my initial interview to “fact check”.

That article can be found here. To be honest, the only issue that I have with it is that it seems to focus on the fact that – a few months into non-monogamy I struggled extra with the little details – like the visual cue of my husband’s date’s wine glass being left behind in my kitchen. When we were relatively fresh other people fuckers, silly shit like that was hard to handle. So I share those stories with other people because those are the things that threw me for a loop back in the day. A few commenters on the article have latched onto the wine glass story, suggesting that if I’m not comfortable with that then I must not really be happy with non-monogamy at all.

And this is a mild challenge I always see that, for the most part, I ignore. There are a lot of assumptions out there about open relationships. First of all, people will often react strongly when they hear someone is in one. “Isn’t that hard? What about jealousy? What if you fall in love?”. On the flip side however, if I suggest mySELF that non-monogamy is hard and that sometimes those questions can have really tough answers, then I obviously must not be happy with it. It’s not a practice that we should continue if there’s any hint that it’s sometimes challenging to have your partner fuck someone else and not you.

*blink* #sarcasm

I find this attitude so ridiculous which is why I will constantly strive to be honest when discussing open relationships. I would make a terrible happy poster child because I don’t just talk about the good on this site (and at my workshops), I also talk about the bad, and the ugly. Maybe I need to talk more about the good, which is a fair point. It’s always so much easier to talk about something challenging that we learned from instead of something easy that we just breezed right through. However in the interest of clarity, I will list a few points here that maybe I haven’t said in some time.

• Just as all of our time together has evolved – as we’ve gotten older / had new experiences / grown closer – so has the non-monogamous side to our marriage. There are many things that are much easier to deal with now – 5 years in, but were very definitely challenging at first – like the wine glass example from The Grid article.
• Non-monogamy ISN’T always easy. Whether you’re in it as a swinger or poly, it requires a lot of you and a lot of your partner and can be very challenging. Denying that it’s tough sometimes would be doing a disservice to anyone that was thinking of trying it.
• Fucking other people isn’t the only benefit to being open, which is something I try to stress all the time. It’s certainly a huge one, but there are countless other personal benefits on top of sexy fun.
• Acknowledging the desire to be selfish and do things for yourself is healthy. It’s how you choose to handle those feelings that dictate whether or not you are an asshole. I recently went out and splurged some money on new (needed) clothes and a hair-do because I wanted it for me. It’s not that I didn’t want something good for Steph as well – he’s free to shop all he likes! – but this didn’t concern him as I am my own person, with my own needs.
• While I certainly don’t think that we were headed down a path to divorce (at the time of opening up), I feel 100% certain that opening up our marriage was the best thing for our future as it has brought us more self-awareness, more confidence and more understanding of each other.
• Steph and I are more in love with one another, each and every day. As we grow and experience life together, our bond is constantly growing.
• I was never a “forever” person and now – as I see what a strong “team” we are – I am much more that way inclined.
• I admit it and I KNOW it’s hypocritical, but it is much easier for me to be with other people than it is for me when Steph is. Does me admitting that it’s sometimes difficult mean that I can’t be ok with it happening? Of course not. Compromise / happiness and unconditional love are things that matter very much to me and I will work through my issues because they are just that – my issues. Sometimes you’ll read about them here too. That’s kinda’ the point of this blog. You know, the diary-esque site you’re reading right now that has my feelings in it.
• Despite other people’s objections that Steph and I are stomping all over the “traditional definition” of marriage, blah blah blah … we feel, deep down, that we are very, very married. We still make all of our household decisions together. We travel together. We support each other when we’re sick. We buy groceries at one of the local stores whose name he always forgets. We share many bills. We get into married sex ruts. We burp and fart around each other. We take our cats to the vet. We hang out with our friends, separately and as a couple. Many of them are hetero normative, living “normal”, traditional, happy lives, and some are queer and challenging social norms because it makes them happy to do so. And sometimes we hang out with our friends that we sleep with.
• Being open has certainly brought us a little heartache over the years; me more so than him because I tend to get more involved with people emotionally, but he is right there beside me as it happens.
• Being open has also brought us more love. We have a bond between us that no one can break. We have people in our life that we likely would not have met without this lifestyle that we love like family and I can’t imagine not having around.

For now I’m going to treat you to a little revelation I had last night. Before I get to said revelation, I will give you a bit of back story so we’re all on the same page.

You know about my relationship with Harvey. It’s been almost five years and we’ve gone through many different phases. From curious to friends, to kinksters who need to learn more, to backburner friends. And now we’ve arrived at this nice, happy place where we’re further evolving our dom/sub relationship. Gone are the days of me trying desperately to get him to validate my existence when in subspace. They have now been replaced by more responsible and respectful lines of communication; a sense of feeling very special and wanting to please him as a result, instead of wanting to please him to prove that I’m special.

Lately, as a result of this new found closeness, I have been thinking a lot about our relationship. Why does it work? What are my thoughts on his “situation”? What do I get out of it? What does he get out of it? Why do we like each other? And so on …

Then I realized something last night.

While it definitely isn’t this way with all non-monogamous relationships, often it can be fair to say that what we get out of them is what we are lacking in our primary relationships. When I think of my need for occasional submission I have often thought that it was a desire to have somebody be proud of me and see me as special in the way that only a Dom could, that I was craving. And while I won’t deny that it is a huge part of what I need, I feel now that I have been looking at it all wrong.

It isn’t fair to me or to Steph to suggest that he isn’t proud of me and my accomplishments and that I don’t crave his approval and pride inlife. It wouldn’t be fair to say that I don’t want Steph to see me as a good girl/person, someone he can rely on and someone that he can take care of, should he choose to. He already is all of these things to me. And while it might seem like simple semantics to an outsider; me realizing that I already have this at home is a huge revelation to me. I don’t need to worry about making him proud of me because that’s a given. As his partner of almost 11 years I already have his unconditional love. I have his approval and I know I am his special girl.

What I thought I was getting out of my relationship with Harvey are things I already have at home in my marriage.

So then I asked myself, what DO I get out of it? Well, it’s still the same things, really; I’m just looking at it differently. The excitement of being validated and recognized by somebody new without having that safety net of marriage to fall back on. Realizing though, that this is not a replacement of something that is lacking and instead an awesome added bonus leaves me feeling pretty great about both relationships. The unexplainable sexual thrill in having Harvey see me as a good girl. Knowing that I have made him proud. The excitement and adrenaline of giving control to someone I trust completely now. The pain. The relaxation. The lack of thought and responsibility.

It’s all of the same things that it was before. Just now I think I will appreciate everything even more so as an addition and not a replacement.

Can I get a hi-five? Or y’know … a smackdown?

When I first had the idea for Playground around the end of last summer, I had a lot more time on my hands. I had quit my job a few months prior to finish working on my non-monogamy guide book – which I promise to finish sooooon – and had seemingly all the time in the world to plan a small sexuality conference. I had plenty of event experience from my time as a wedding planner and working for a digital media events company, now I just needed to branch out from behind my laptop screen and meet the people that would fill my stage.

I was noticing more and more sexuality / sex / relationship based events on Twitter, happening all over the States and found myself baffled at why we here in Toronto didn’t really have any events that could be considered all-inclusive. I envied the population size of America and how it seemed so easy to fill an event space with sex-positive folk from multiple backgrounds. But why should a smaller population mean that we couldn’t have open talks about sexuality for all?

It didn’t and so Playground was born.

As I was beginning to plan and form an advisory team, I was excited to watch the plans for the very successful Momentum 2011 in Washington, D.C. take shape. I was beginning to see and read about the types of discussions that people were interested in having around sex, sexuality and relationships and wanted to continue that dialogue here. Toronto is a wonderfully sex-positive, culturally diverse city where there is an event to be found for every interest. If you’ve got a fetish or want to find the community for you, you can find it here.

So why the need for this event? And why me?

I’m not under any false impressions; I’m but an up and comer on the sex-positive scene, but in between my full time job in digital media, life coaching and workshop teaching I am throwing myself into this plan. As someone who dabbles a little bit here and there in many sex-positive communities, I wanted to create a space for others like me. Others who want to engage in dialogue and learn something new (or something old!) from some of the best names in the industry.

After meeting many of these amazing educators at Momentum this past April, I am thrilled to be bringing the conversation to Toronto this November. I hope that you are as excited as I am to have the walls of the Gladstone Hotel busting at the seams with so much sex-positive goodness!

Early bird tickets are on sale now. Rates go up September 5th!

Kisses, hugs and licks.
Samantha
~Playground Executive Producer

On favorites:

Unless you show absolutely no interests outside of Creed, Two and a Half Men, Star Wars, pizza and beer, I will not judge you for your taste in music, movies, food and TV. I have some strange tastes in all of these things and know that your life’s path may have led you to an interest in death metal, country, indie or even Gaga. Our time together doesn’t have to involve seeing the same bands in concert or bonding over True Blood or Dexter, though I certainly agree it would be fun if it did. I don’t expect us to like all of the same foods. You will probably like something that I find disgusting and horrific and you might not be able to see past my love of Branston pickle but as long as you don’t try to kiss me with onion or olive breath though, I think we will make it through.

I will not judge you for your (lack of) knowledge of wine. Nor for your favorite travel destinations or choices of art on your walls. If life has taken you on a path where you cannot afford to live on your own, I won’t mind. Though it will certainly make it difficult should we choose to take our clothes off.

If you like to partake in recreational drugs that I am not involved in, I will not be scared away. My body has my own thoughts on these things, but as long as you are respectful, not creepy and still nice to me, it is not my place to judge your chosen form of relaxation. I only ask that you understand and respect my personal choices or limits.

I will not judge you for driving a car or being a cyclist. I will however, take issue with you placing all blame for road problems on one or the other. As someone who partakes in both forms of transportation I see the problems on either side of the coin. I won’t not date you because of your chosen profession(s) – or lack of one – and in fact will be curious to learn about your passions.

Seems pretty easy, right?

Shouldn’t life be easy, really? Alas there are some things that are, and will remain, sticking points for me and I hope that you have your own because otherwise you are undervaluing yourself.

I will judge you for your treatment of others. How you react in the face of poverty, racism, hatred or violence. I will quickly find out and base my involvement with you on your thoughts on equality, politics and religion. The way you treat your friends will stick with me. The way you treat your family will also be of great importance but I will understand when family drama may have driven a wedge that cannot be removed. I will watch your behaviour when dealing with wait staff because it is important to me to not date a snob or an asshole. I will admire you for your honesty, especially when it comes to your fears, insecurities, desires and kinks. I will appreciate and encourage your sexuality and like you more for sharing with me. In fact, I will probably like you a LOT more because sexuality in general tends to get me hot.

Anything else?

And while I will do my best to not judge you based on your appearance, I will base my decision on whether or not to go out with you on how you choose to present yourself. If I cannot be attracted to your looks, even after getting to know you, it isn’t fair to either of us to pretend and I totally get that you might not be down with dating a girl with a big tummy and behind. I won’t think you are any less of a person for not being physically attractive to me and I would appreciate you not reacting in such a manner that suggests I’m a bitch for doing so. I am happy to have a thing for dirty blonde preppy boys, tattooed hipsters or nerds in skinny ties and girls with curves and tattoos in all the right places, but remain open to being attracted to others that don’t fit into those categories. I just make no guarantee.

While I won’t judge you for having your own tastes in … everything … it is entirely possible that I would like you more if we DID share some things in common. Knowing you have experience in kink, non-monogamy, or an interest in tattoos and rockabilly culture would probably work quite well in our favors. It would be helpful for you to understand me when I say things like hetero-normative, BDSM and crusty bread, but remember those things aren’t necessarily related. If I have to educate you on any of those topics we likely will not work out or have any chemistry and that’s just a fact. No reason to get upset about it.

I will demand that you respect my marriage and time limits and put no demands on me that are unreasonable and disrespectful.

And finally, if you understand that I am the main character in my movie and that you are auditioning for a role as a supporting case member. Not everyone is going to make the cut but that doesn’t mean there isn’t another movie out there for you.