Pleasure, Penetration, & the Patriarchy

I remember the first time I felt the cliché heteronormative disparity after sex. I was 17 or 18, in sort of upstate New York, visiting my then (first) boyfriend in the house he shared with his NFL loving roommates. As I sat on the toilet, trying to expel the hell out of his cum making . . . → Read More: Pleasure, Penetration, & the Patriarchy

Hello from the Other Side

Hello … it’s me … I was wondering if after all these months you’d like to read …

Dear Readers, I’m sorry. I mostly gave up on writing in 2015 and I think I’m about ready to explain my absence to you. I certainly didn’t start the year thinking that I would walk away from writing, from this . . . → Read More: Hello from the Other Side

Let’s Be Friends

Trigger warning: body shaming

Last night I hung out with a friend who, for a while last year, was someone I was dating / sleeping with / whatever you want to call it. We met early in January 2014 and I instantly liked him. Handsome, charming, perfectly antagonistic in the way that I seem to . . . → Read More: Let’s Be Friends

Finding My New Place In The Crowd

It doesn’t feel like that long ago that Steph and I were considered the strange misfits among everyone we knew for being non-monogamous, but on the other hand, yeah ok, it sort of does. If 2014 still has us living in a society where we have so many backwards thinkers wandering around wreaking havoc, then 2006, when we . . . → Read More: Finding My New Place In The Crowd

Returning to Kink and Choosing to Trust Again

It’s not hard to go back to a more vanilla life. It’s not hard to have wonderful sex with your husband that still fulfills you in so many ways, even if it’s not kinky. It’s not hard to have to ask lovers to be choked, to have your hair pulled, or to be smacked around.

. . . → Read More: Returning to Kink and Choosing to Trust Again

Afraid To Fall

For most of my adult life, I’ve always embraced everything that comes along with falling for somebody new. It’s a feeling that I simply adore. New Relationship Energy (NRE) and I get along like nobody’s business. And, like a person lost in puppy love fever, I seem to trust all of the decisions I make . . . → Read More: Afraid To Fall

Managing Expectations

There’s a fine line between getting everything you want because you’ve worked hard for it, and bulldozing anything in your way on your path to success. We’re taught to have goals and dreams, and to never let anyone stand in our way of reaching them, but the reality is that just because you want something . . . → Read More: Managing Expectations

On Being Amazing

At my dad’s funeral in 2004, one detail has always stuck out for me; how many people came up to me afterward to tell me what a nice service it was. In the absence of familiarity, strangers found themselves obligated to fill the silence with generic words of solace. Better than saying nothing, some would . . . → Read More: On Being Amazing

Lessons Learned from Month One

It would be a lie if I said that the book is on schedule. I want to be finished by March, but I’d also accept April or May, so perhaps I’m not doing as badly as it feels right now. This first month of full time “booking” has not been without its challenges or distractions, . . . → Read More: Lessons Learned from Month One

2013: Life By Design

I was a bit of an idiot in 2012. I pulled that typical end of year shit where I told myself “Don’t worry, Self, 2012 will be awesome and everything will be shiny and new. Everything that was bad will magically become great and you won’t have to do any work because that’s just how . . . → Read More: 2013: Life By Design