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By samantha, on April 14th, 2012%
The word boundaries has come up so much in my recent conversations that I’ve started to almost say it daily. On top of noticing that it’s been making such a regular appearance with both friends AND lovers, I’ve realized that it’s not something that we – and by we, I mean mainstream society – encourage much discussion about.
You may be different but when I look at the majority of my friends, a discussion about personal boundaries never comes up. We fall into routines with the people around us and base our future decisions on past behaviour. It might not be that the friends you usually only grab monthly weekend drinks with aren’t into spontaneous fun on a weekday; maybe you’ve just never asked them. Shit, maybe they’re wondering the same thing about you!
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and asking myself how many of my relationships are defined by true boundaries compared to expectations and assumptions? Maybe I’m not giving my friends or lovers a chance by putting them into a certain category in my mind. Maybe they’re not giving me the same chance. Maybe I’m restricting myself without even realizing it.
 What are the fences I'm putting up, and are they as obvious as this? Read more »
By samantha, on January 26th, 2012%
I’ve been holding off on writing anything lately because I’ve had a bit of a chip on my blog’s shoulder that I’ve needed to remove. I told myself that I can’t write about anything sexy or otherwise until I am finally honest with myself about something that is really eating at my core. I’m afraid to . . . → Read More: Confessions of a Fat Kid: How “I’m lazy” destroys self-worth
By samantha, on August 20th, 2011%
When I first had the idea for Playground around the end of last summer, I had a lot more time on my hands. I had quit my job a few months prior to finish working on my non-monogamy guide book – which I promise to finish sooooon – and had seemingly all the time in the . . . → Read More: Why Playground? Why Now?
By samantha, on July 23rd, 2011%
It’s completely stating the obvious to say that we as a people are complex. There are too many idiosyncrasies out there to make any one person truly “normal” and most of us experience some sort of pain and suffering at any given point in the day. Whatever that pain might be is relative as the end of my world may seem like nothing more than a hangnail to you. There are times when selfishness shuts off and we remember that there are many out there in worse spots than we are, and then there are those other times that we have to allow ourselves to just be in our own worlds, and that’s ok. Accept that while on paper our problems might seem insignificant next to others, we are still allowed to feel what we feel. It’s how we choose to act on those feelings that matters, not their existence.
Looking further for a moment than our own reflection, we can see that the world as a whole is full of suffering and pain. Today’s news in Norway is a grim reminder that the human spirit can be corrupted so far that right, wrong, moral and immoral become blurry and self-motivation, greed and craziness can take over the mind.
Most of us will never have to deal with picking up the pieces after that kind of trauma but yet we still cannot seem to do without personal trauma on some level. This is not at ALL to belittle anyone or say that their feelings are invalid, silly or worthless – especially when dealing with outside circumstances – but I ask you how much of our own personal suffering is self-induced? Read more »
By samantha, on July 13th, 2011%
My wedding ring and I have a strange relationship. When I’m at home, I often pay it no attention, abandoning it on a random shelf as soon as I walk in the door. It never sleeps with me or sees me naked. I won’t let it eat at the dinner table and it certainly never gets to hang out during sex.
However when it’s time to leave the house and go out in public, I am absolutely lost without it. On those days where I cannot remember which one of five random shelves has been graced with my white-gold, sad excuse for bling band, I find myself sometimes hiding my ring finger when surrounded by strangers, lest someone see me as not married or worse … with a wedding ring tan line (a sure sign of cheating, some would say).
Read more »
By samantha, on June 6th, 2011%
For whatever reason, there’s been a lot of chat lately between friends, strangers and I about my relationship with my husband and I’ve been doing some thinking about things I’ve known for years. Questions that I’ve been asked have caused me to reflect on where we are now.
I’ve been thinking about he and I, and he . . . → Read More: Gooooooo Team!
By samantha, on May 18th, 2011%
Unlike riding a bike, dating for me, is quite … unlike riding a bike. It’s not something I can just pick up again because there are so many factors like state of being, state of relationships and state of confidence that come into play each time.
However, I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe I should start at least consider dating again; men that is. I am really missing having another man in my life. As much as I lust and love after my husband, I cannot deny that other men bring a new emotional and / or sexual energy to my being that I haven’t connected with in a long time. To be honest though, I am pretty sure that the idea of dating again completely terrifies me. I don’t remember how to flirt with someone new and I’m pretty convinced that I don’t think I can be bothered with the whole “getting to know you” stage … again. Read more »
By samantha, on May 16th, 2011%
We hear and see sex everywhere but even with all of the information out there, how many people are truly enjoying happy, healthy sex lives? In this workshop, educator, author and organizer of Playground, Samantha Fraser will engage participants in a dialogue to help them bridge the gaps between sex and sexuality.
Attendees . . . → Read More: Upcoming workshop: Sex In The City
By samantha, on April 9th, 2011%
“I don’t care which way you swing, Samantha, as long as you’re honest.”
I will always remember my mum telling me those words in our kitchen when I was about 15. I don’t think we were talking about anything serious at the time but for some reason I held onto that knowledge – that my mum would . . . → Read More: I’m Here. I’m … ?
By samantha, on March 28th, 2011%
(Thanks GI Joe!)
Seeing is believing, right? If only that could be the case all the time. I used to have a huge problem with knowing something about myself and still believing the exact opposite. This often affected my self-image. In fact, it was mainly ONLY related to my self-image. No matter what I knew, whatever I believed was always the thought that possessed the most control over me.
You see, as a bigger girl, I never believed that I was worthy of a love as a teenager and as I became an adult. I also knew at the same time that thinking those thoughts was ridiculous. I was completely worthy of love and eventually one or many would come along, but at the same time I knew it, I also did not believe it one bit. Confusing, yes? Read more »
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