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By samantha, on March 28th, 2011%
Since Don and I have broken up / taken a break / changed our relationship / WHATEVER the fuck you want to call this state we’re in now, my sex drive has picked up and jumped out the window. It’s not just that situation, though that’s the main contributor. Crush and I haven’t spoken in over a week. I think it’s just because he’s busy but I have a feeling it’s something more. Add Steph being sick, and everything has pretty much fizzled out down below.
What all of these life changes have caused me to realize is that – while it’s not the prettiest comparison – my sex drive works like a compost bin. It needs interaction – whether it’s in chat, in person or through touch – to keep it well fed and thriving. Because so much of my drive is fueled by my sexuality and not just my physical bits, if said sexuality is threatened, thirsty or sad … I lose interest in basically bothering. I need that interaction, the flirting, the teasing … dare I say it … the compliments.
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By samantha, on January 26th, 2011%
(Have you read the small world post yet? You should read that one first if you haven’t so that this one makes sense.)
My brain and heart are taking a bit of a beating right now. Some good, some bad and I’m in a funny place trying to piece it all together. It shouldn’t go unsaid that I am probably pms’ing right now so my logic filter – which I pride myself on – isn’t working at full capacity. Emotions are running high in Sam Camp and there’s probably things like winter and gloominess making everything seem that much larger than it really is.
Some biggish things have happened in the past week between Crush and I so I think I might as well just start with …
Tuesday
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By samantha, on December 31st, 2010%
2010, I am not your biggest fan. You made promises at the end of 2009. You said you would come in and sweep away the negative energy that lingered over most of last year. Promised that the constant state of mediocrity that 2009 seemed to be stuck in would be replaced with great things and happy memories.
It’s not that you didn’t deliver but you neglected to mention one key thing: That along with great things you would also come armed with many sad moments and much bullshit. You didn’t mention how many mountains we would all have to climb, finding ourselves constantly in a state of extreme highs and lows.
 Full of hope (and booze) at New Years 2009 You started off pretty standard. I was still working my job as event planner / designer / everything girl. My last few months were hella busy as I pulled off my best conference to date. Leading up to me leaving was difficult, but exciting as I prepared myself for a life of book writing and no or next to no income. At the beginning of June when I finally left that job to pursue my dream, it felt like you, 2010, were just beginning for me. I was filled with big plans to finish writing my book, but here I am on the last day of the year still with 50-100 pages left to write. To say that figuring out how to live the life of a author is hard might be a bit of an understatement.
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By samantha, on October 12th, 2010%
A Lesson In Self-Acceptance
2010 hasn’t been the year I was hoping for and I know they say life is what you make it but sometimes you have to struggle to keep up.
Quitting my secure job of two years in June to have no income and write my book has been challenging, to say the least. It’s only been four months but I feel like forever has passed and I’ve accomplished nothing. I beat myself up over it instead of writing some days and then I have even more reasons to beat myself up over it. In reality I know that’s pretty dumb.
To say that life since June 2nd has been rough feels a bit like an understatement. Suddenly I was thrown into this ocean with no clue how to swim. For the past, however many years, I’ve been able to go to work and know what I’m doing. On the days when I was unsure, I had a boss to answer questions. Suddenly I’m the boss and I don’t know the answer. I’ve been my own boss before and was somewhat successful at it (graphic designer and wedding planner), but having the choice of publishing vs. self publishing hanging over my head and not knowing at all what the best option is has driven me insane on multiple occasions this past summer. The internet tells me both options are perfect for me! What to do!? Read more »
By samantha, on August 27th, 2010%
A few months after opening up our marriage in 2006 I started a blog. It was an anonymous blog, whose address I don’t think I even remember, that I used as a diary to share graphic details about the dates I was going on. Sex with others, while married, was new and it felt great hitting publish on a dirty post that was going out into cyberspace, as we called it back then. #old
This was back before the days of Twitter or me being on Facebook so there wasn’t really an easy way for me to inform people about this dirty diary. I told a few friends and *Harvey knew – which was really weird as I’d write about our BDSM times together, knowing he’d read it, automatically giving him insight into my thoughts. *See: Glutton for punishment.
I stopped writing in the blog after a while, even though I’d developed a small group of devoted, anonymous pervy followers. In March of 2008 I started this blog and realized immediately that I had to view posting very differently. No longer was I anonymous open marriage girl, I was Samantha Fraser and everybody knew it. If I had a bad date or sexual encounter, I couldn’t very well share it without fearing some dating drama wrath to come down on me.
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By samantha, on April 26th, 2010%
It’s been a while since I turned the mirror on myself for a little self-examination and I think I’m overdue so here goes.
Most of you already know. I’ve been in an open marriage for 3.5 years and it probably saved my relationship, or at the very least saved from a life of denying that I was unhappy when it truth I must have been when I think of how ridiculously happy I am now. (I mean it only makes sense!) Read more »
By samantha, on April 25th, 2010%
You’ve ever …
cried yourself to sleep
peed in a pool or lake
masturbated furiously
thought dirty thoughts about someone you really shouldn’t have
farted and tried to blame it on someone else
burped even worse than Barney from the Simpsons
thrown up or forgot things as a result of drinking too much
I know I’ve done most, if not all of those things. . . . → Read More: Raise Your Hand If …
By samantha, on March 2nd, 2010%
Around Valentine’s Day, the husband and I were browsing through canadian based lingerie retailer, La Senza. Not because we were shopping for anything in particular but because we still had 10 minutes before my appointment at the Apple Genius bar to fix my laptop with the whiskey drinking problem. Yes, we are THAT romantic.
I love lingerie, but it doesn’t like me. In particular I love bras. Mainly because they fit me. I’m not really fat around my boobs. I hate buying undies because my belly and butt – not saying I dislike them – but they just don’t like to work as easily as the boobs do. Though I did get a lovely matching set that I am quite proud of and funnily enough, Betty ended up with the same set from Don. Weird, yet awesome! Read more »
By samantha, on November 23rd, 2009%
Recently I’ve gotten a lot of varied feedback about my online presence. Sharing a lot of your life with the web leaves you open to input, good and bad, something I knew when starting this site at a friends’ suggestion:
Hey! You should start a blog!
Yes. It was that simple and un-thought out.
I don’t think that I . . . → Read More: I am not an expert.
By samantha, on November 13th, 2009%
I have a personal rule that I try to follow as much as possible. I don’t like to blog when I’m angry or emotional. I know I’ve done it in the past, but I highly prefer not because then I hit you folks with emotional diarrhea and I embarrass myself on the off chance that I . . . → Read More: Realizations – I just wanna' have fun
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