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<shamelessselfpromotion> When I quit my job last June to finish writing my book I thought it would happen a lot faster than it did. Throw in a long visit from my mum, the suicide of a friend and a depression that followed, and well I’m still a few pages away from finishing. I had assumed that by spring . . . → Read More: Get Samantha A Job As a girl, I’ve never questioned my “sweetness”. I think I’ve always assumed that because I AM a girl that I am by default, sweet. But recently, hanging out with some actual lovely, sweet people I’ve noticed that they possess something that I just don’t have, most of the time. Crush said to . . . → Read More: Slow, Not Sweet, Like Honey My brain and heart are taking a bit of a beating right now. Some good, some bad and I’m in a funny place trying to piece it all together. It shouldn’t go unsaid that I am probably pms’ing right now so my logic filter – which I pride myself on – isn’t working at full capacity. Emotions are running high in Sam Camp and there’s probably things like winter and gloominess making everything seem that much larger than it really is. Some biggish things have happened in the past week between Crush and I so I think I might as well just start with … Tuesday In general, I’m a big believer in following your gut but since opening up my marriage I have learned that sometimes fighting that instinct can be the better option. Follow your gut when it comes to career moves or perhaps family politics, sure. Any area of life where your reaction to a situation is not going to be clouded with envy, jealousy or anger. Being reserved and protective is ok as long as you don’t limit your life so much that you end up missing out on amazing experiences. Then again, what you don’t experience, perhaps you won’t miss? Recently Steph told me that he received an email from a woman from his past. Apparently she’s single now and would like to start up a sexual relationship again. The situation is pretty perfect for him, minus the fact that she lives about an hour away, as he’s much more into physical interactions than his emotional wife over here. When he told me about it, asking how I felt about reconnecting, my gut reaction was to say no. You see, we met this woman at a friends’ birthday party. It was February 2008, and we’d been open for a year and a half. We were drunk, as per often. Steph and she were talking and he told her about our situation. At some point in the evening, I couldn’t find him and wandered upstairs to check the bathroom. Next to the bathroom was a spare room and I heard some noise, opened the door and found the two of them making out, about to have sex, or at least with some clothes off. Now I’m all about making out in private places, this I don’t have a problem with, but there was something very “crossing the line” with this situation. Steph and I were still relative newbs to non-monogamy and I didn’t appreciate his lack of control of the situation, so I fixed it. We all ended up having sex, by my rules. I was very controlling of the situation. “What’s that? You want his cock? Then you ask my permission first.” Yeah … that kinda’ stuff. It was a bit much, and she wasn’t really that into it, but it was the only way I knew, in my drunken state, how to handle the situation without really blowing up about the fact that they had both disrespected me and broken many rules. After that night, they saw each other a couple of times until she got a boyfriend. I was never really comfortable with it. Her name hadn’t been mentioned for almost three years until a few weeks ago and when it was my gut screamed at me: “NO FUCKING WAY!”
Recently, while analyzing my place in the sex+relationships blogosphere, I came to a realization: I am not a sex blogger. I might discuss a lot of things related to sex, but sexuality is more my bag, baby. My old, private blog used to be very detailed; I would talk about bits and parts and all the things I was doing to them or having done to mine. Nowadays though, I shy away from that and today I wanted to think about why. A lot of people read this blog. A lot of those people are friends or family and I don’t really want them to have to read about my latest anal exploits or lube experiments. There are people I’ve worked with that read this, and people that one day, maybe I’d like to work for. On the other hand, I do like to touch (no pun intended) on that stuff, from a general perspective. I’m not avoiding details for fear of reprocussions, I’m just actually not that interested in sharing them. Believe it or not, there are some things that I do not feel compelled to regularly share with my readers, unless it’s for a review of a toy/product/web site. I enjoy reading about details on other blogs, but would rather talk to you about my sexuality, poly experiences and relationship fails or wins. A Lesson In Self-Acceptance2010 hasn’t been the year I was hoping for and I know they say life is what you make it but sometimes you have to struggle to keep up. Quitting my secure job of two years in June to have no income and write my book has been challenging, to say the least. It’s only been four months but I feel like forever has passed and I’ve accomplished nothing. I beat myself up over it instead of writing some days and then I have even more reasons to beat myself up over it. In reality I know that’s pretty dumb. To say that life since June 2nd has been rough feels a bit like an understatement. Suddenly I was thrown into this ocean with no clue how to swim. For the past, however many years, I’ve been able to go to work and know what I’m doing. On the days when I was unsure, I had a boss to answer questions. Suddenly I’m the boss and I don’t know the answer. I’ve been my own boss before and was somewhat successful at it (graphic designer and wedding planner), but having the choice of publishing vs. self publishing hanging over my head and not knowing at all what the best option is has driven me insane on multiple occasions this past summer. The internet tells me both options are perfect for me! What to do!? Read more » You’ve ever … cried yourself to sleep I know I’ve done most, if not all of those things. . . . → Read More: Raise Your Hand If … It’s not always easy. Though it’s not always hard. It can give you everything you’ve ever wanted. Sometimes a whole lot less. Sometimes a whole lot more. It can be about freedom and doing as you like, while on other days, hard compromise and sacrifice. You’ll work your ass off to communicate your wants. Your needs. Your desires. And along the way . . . → Read More: An Essay on Non-Monogamy Around Valentine’s Day, the husband and I were browsing through canadian based lingerie retailer, La Senza. Not because we were shopping for anything in particular but because we still had 10 minutes before my appointment at the Apple Genius bar to fix my laptop with the whiskey drinking problem. Yes, we are THAT romantic. I love lingerie, but it doesn’t like me. In particular I love bras. Mainly because they fit me. I’m not really fat around my boobs. I hate buying undies because my belly and butt – not saying I dislike them – but they just don’t like to work as easily as the boobs do. Though I did get a lovely matching set that I am quite proud of and funnily enough, Betty ended up with the same set from Don. Weird, yet awesome! Read more » I have an incredibly vivid imagination and yet I cannot even find a mental closet to store my husband in for a little while! . . . → Read More: Fantasies: Confessions of a logic queen |
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