Now that you’ve read all about Oral Sex For Dudes, it’s time to get to the ladies. I cannot deny that this post will be slightly biased by my own vagina but I have spoken to enough gals, and been . . . → Read More: Oral Sex For Gals: Holiday Gift Giving]]> I posted this first in 2010, but hey, it’s the holidays! Why not share it again now!

Now that you’ve read all about Oral Sex For Dudes, it’s time to get to the ladies. I cannot deny that this post will be slightly biased by my own vagina but I have spoken to enough gals, and been with enough, to have a good handle on what makes lady bits tick and what makes them yawn.

Let’s get to it!

As you can tell from the handy graphic I found (stole) from the above site in a Google image search, women’s bits are all very unique and as a result all require different styles of loving to get off, but here are some general guidelines. There are, of course, always exceptions to these “rules”.

• Going from a peck on the cheek to eating a girl out can be a bit of a leap. You don’t have to lay rose petals on the sheets or read her poetry to get your head between her legs but a little making out before you rush into her thighs is usually a good idea.

• Sexuality for many women works differently than guys. Sometimes we can get immediately in the mood but there are other moments when our brains need help focusing so that we can mentally be there with you as well. There are a bazillion things that can work for this that I won’t list them all, but here are a few ideas:
  • A little hair pull while making out can really help with focus. I know for me, a hair pull at the right moment speaks directly to my lady bits and they immediately pay attention. “Oh, so THAT’S what we’re doing now! Got it!”
  • Try touching her erogenous zones lightly … or harder … to awaken sensation in the body. The neck and ears connect for a lot of people. If she’s sensitive like me, her body will goosebump up sending shivers up and down her body which can help turn her on.
  • Confidence, confidence, confidence! There are times when I can go without oral sex and would rather do something else because I sense hesitation in my partner. Being concerned about meeting your lover’s needs is a good thing, yes, but showing it through confident movements can go much farther than “So um, can I eat your pussy now?” That being said … it’s also often good to clarify before you have at it. You have to feel out the situation. Pun intended and implied. I know, I know … women are SO complicated, right?

Who doesn't love a tasty pussy?

• For everyone’s sake, please find the clitoris if you haven’t already. It really isn’t that hard to locate, It gets slightly larger as it is aroused as the blood flow increases. It’s often the spot that you’ll touch and a woman will go “ooooooohhhhh” and it’s around the top of the whole genital area. I am not drawing you a map or giving you anymore info than that. If you are a woman, you know where yours is so at least you’ve got a bit of a head start finding your lovers.
• Also to the ladies out there eating pussy … here is a lesson that I have learned: It is very handy to know what you like when presented with someone else’s vagina but don’t be offended if they don’t get off on the same things that work for you. Try appreciating the opportunity to learn.
• Teasing can go a long way. Some kisses, licks or bites on the inner thighs. Brushing your hands over the area, lightly touching pussy as you move from side to side.
• Women often have their own unique smell. Telling a woman she smells like fish is not going to win you any points so please don’t do it. And like I said to the guys, ladies if you need to shower, do so. I also recommend Kama Sutra honey dust. That stuff is amaaaazing.
• If she asks or the moment strikes you and you want to use your fingers, make sure she’s wet first. Nothing feels more intrusive than a few dry fingers trying to force themselves inside of you before you’re ready for them. Lick them or use lube. Whatever you have to do to make sure she feels pleasure and not friction burns going in. Owee, speaking from experience.
• The G spot is real, but that doesn’t mean every woman has become personally familiar with it yet. While some women are squirting masters, or can gspot orgasm with no problems, not everyone is ready for it. Just because you’ve found that magical bump, it doesn’t mean that rubbing it furiously like you’re trying to start a fire with two sticks is going to get her off. In fact it may make her frustrated, embarrassed or worse, hurt her. You’ll have to go by her reactions to really see what works for her.

A Little To The Left

Speaking of reactions, any sex works better when there is communication involved. That doesn’t always been that you will get it, however. Sometimes the best way to tell if a woman is enjoying herself is by the sounds she’s making. If she’s writhing about, moaning and groaning, it’s likely that she is really enjoying what you’re doing. Choosing that exact moment to try something new is probably bad timing and going to frustrate her. I find that I have to concentrate pretty hard before having an orgasm so when I’m really into it and things suddenly change I have to start at the bottom of the mountain again, tensing my muscles to aid myself to orgasm.

If you’re with a new lover, you will need some time to learn what really works for her between the legs.

• Some women (bitches!*) can come multiple times, often quickly during oral and finger sex. Others, like me, shoot for one, epic orgasm if they’re lucky. (And other women do not come with a partner, or ever.) You are not any less skilled by only getting the one orgasm instead of the multiples, or none at all. It all comes down to each woman’s physical makeup. While it is a great goal to have, try focusing on the destination as well.
• But let’s say we are aiming for that goal: Consistency often works for everyone. Think of a vibrators mechanics. Vibes work because they do the same thing over and over and over again. While it does feel great to have a lick here, a touch there and back to another lick, once a woman is getting close to orgasm it can be perfect to just do exactly what you’re doing, don’t stop, keep going and oh oh OH. If you get my drift.
• While the clit is a sensitive little piece of perfection, that doesn’t mean you can’t be rough with your lady if she’s that type of gal. I feel each and every one of my 8000 nerve endings on my clit but love a good finger bang. Whatever you do though, don’t try to pick your girl up with your hand unless you have first agreed upon it. We are not bowling balls!
• Which brings me to fisting. What a wonderful good time this can be, but please make sure that you discuss it ahead of time. Not every girl is open to being, um, opened up by a hand, big or small and it’s not something that should be done as a surprise.
• Don’t be afraid to get your face in there. While the tongue is a delightful piece of body, having a face in your pussy doing more than licking can feel amazing. Try “making out” with the pussy. Suck it lightly, rub your face from side to side on it. There is so much more to oral sex than just the tongue. My favorite time is when I have no idea what is actually going on down there, when it is so much more than a lick. Fingers are everywhere, face and tongue are all over the place and all I can feel is intense sensation. There is more to good oral sex than just tongue!

We are all unique flowers

And if safe sex is a concern for you (which it should be) you can still enjoy lady bits with help from a dental dam. Dams are thin so that sensation still comes through and come in all sorts of yummy flavors so you’re not stuck with a yucky taste in your mouth. All reputable sex shops should have them in stock.

Wanting to be good at oral sex doesn’t mean you will be. Pay attention to the signs that your lady lover is putting out there and you will both enjoy the experience that much more. Let your partner know you want to make her happy. A little sexy enthusiasm can go a hell of a long way at Christmas and beyond.

* Just kidding about the bitches thing. Kind of.

In the spirit of the season it’s time for me to share with you my oral sex gift giving tips for dudes. So many people go without good head, settling instead for mediocre loving or none at all and it’s . . . → Read More: Oral Sex For Dudes: Holiday Gift Giving]]> I posted this first in 2010, but hey, it’s the holidays! Why not share it again now!

In the spirit of the season it’s time for me to share with you my oral sex gift giving tips for dudes. So many people go without good head, settling instead for mediocre loving or none at all and it’s a shame. There is a saying that oral sex is like pizza; even when it’s bad it’s still good but let’s be honest. For anyone that has ever eaten a gourmet pizza you really cannot compare it to a microwaveable pile of goo, that’s done in less than two minutes. Pun implied and intended.

So without further ado, let’s get to the genitals, shall we?

Hey Cock-sucker!

Now I consider this a term of endearment but you might not. There are plenty of people that refuse to suck their partner’s cock for whatever reason. (It’s weird looking, it smells, he never takes out the trash, etc.) To start with, *most* penises are beautiful once you get past the alien appendage fear that some of us have. If they smell, well some people have lovely natural musks that is simply a part of sex and others might need encouragement to hop in the shower. Finally if you’re not giving head because he’s not doing his chores, did you ever think that maybe he’s not doing his chores because you’re not giving him head? It takes two to tango. Withholding sex is not healthy for anybody. We should never treat our sexuality as a commodity.

With the reasons out of the way, let’s get to the goods. Every man is different and will have his own take on what makes him hard and what feels the best but there are some general rules that we can apply to this situation:

• Feeling your man get hard through his clothing can be an incredible turn-on for both of you as it has that high school element that always gives us butterflies. I have a habit of jumping straight for the inner thigh / groin region once my hands are on the legs but it’s always been appreciated so I won’t call it a bad habit.
• Undoing a man’s pants for him is sexy. You can do it fast, which shows insatiable passion, but slow also works and heightens the mood. Undo his belt, his buttons or zipper and look at him with excitement in your eyes before you reach underneath or take his pants off.
• Fumbling with his pants can be cute too, so don’t be embarrassed. There are plenty of times when I’ve been attempting to remove clothing and have met my button match. All you can really do is admit that you need a little help, smile sweetly and have him do it. He’ll appreciate you wanting nothing to stand in your way!
• If his cock is not hard when you get to it, don’t have an ego freak out. Everyone reacts in their own way to touch and sensation. A floppyish cock is not indicative of him being not into it or you. Look at it as an opportunity. I love feeling him get hard in my hands or mouth, plus in the mouth it means you can sometimes get the whole thing in there without choking on it for a few seconds. Quel accomplishment! If he has trouble staying hard, try squeezing the base of the cock as this can help the blood flow.

• Depend on the mood – and your hunger – you can take your time to put your mouth on it, or you can play with it for a while with your hands. (More on hand jobs in a few points.) Use your tongue to lick from top to bottom. Have fun with eye contact. Rub your body all over it, or rub it on your cheek nice and dirty stylez.

• You are not the Drinking Bird so there is no excuse for giving head strictly up and down like this nuclear plant saving toy. While strictly up and down certainly feels good enough, that doesn’t mean your movements have to be so limited. As he enters your mouth, try moving your head around in a twisty motion so that your head is angled in all sorts of directions.
• Don’t ignore the power of the tongue. While you’re going down – assuming you’ve got space to do so – whip your tongue around him at the same time. It’s an extra little kick that will make you a magician. I always swirl my tongue around like crazy making sure to give that double sensation.

Don't be like this guy!

If you want to take a break for any reason, including your face hurting, let your hands pick up the slack! So many people get the handjob wrong, but you don’t have to. A good handjob just takes a little effort but once you master these tips, you’re set.

• OW! Watch out for it getting too dry. Sex and friction go together really well but friction burn on his dick isn’t really desired by most. Use lube or spit to keep that thing well oiled. A woman who isn’t afraid to spit on his cock, or her hands to make everything shiny and slick will get bonus points for enthusiasm and comfort level.
• Again, you’re not the Drinking Bird so get out of the up and down rut. Try twisting your hand left and right as you go move to the bottom and to the top. Not only will it strengthen your wrist but the sensation for him will be really intensified as you move all over him.
• Don’t forget the tip! A neat little trick is to caress your fingers over the head of the penis when you come up. Many men are very sensitive here and this gives them an extra little jolt every time. Ignoring this part of the penis is a waste of a beautiful thing.
• Be ambidextrous! I am total fail with my left hand when it comes to anything else except for handjobs and there’s a chance you’re the same way. Mix it up, switch hands, or use both! Try using your face AND your hands at the same time. Delightful!
• Don’t forget the nuts! Lots of men LOVE having their nuts licked or fondled. Be sure to check to see how sensitive he is. There are those that can handle their balls being stepped on and others that can barely handle a little squeeze. Don’t push it! And if you’re afraid of his “dirty old nut sack”, forget what you think they look like and enjoy how they feel and most importantly the pleasure they give him.
• Many guys really enjoy having their ass stimulated whether it’s with a tongue or a finger. Always warn / discuss this option with your partner first before giving them a little up the butt surprise. It can really enhance men’s pleasure but not if they’re feeling violated / uptight as a result.

Choking Hazard

Many guys get off on the idea of their partner’s gagging on their cock. I remember when I first heard about it that I found it very off putting. Why would I want to make myself gag for YOUR pleasure? I soon learned though how much fun it can be. It does tend to take place in more of a kinky partnership but the vanillas can try it too! Take it slow and remember these points:

• No one should force something down your throat without you agreeing. Seems obvious, but it isn’t always.
• If you feel you’re going to throw up (and don’t want to), stop immediately. Give yourself a break. Remember those hands.
• Be prepared for makeup and spit to run down your face. Gagging isn’t a pretty adventure but that’s all part of the dirty excitement.
• Understand that he will try to push your head down onto him. This can be a LOT of fun but you need to be able to call it off when you can’t do anymore.
• Slapping makes gagging even more fun!
• Not every guy that wants you to gag on his cock is an asshole. Some just enjoy the dirtiness of it. There are definitely some assholes though so be careful.

Finishing Touches

Spit or swallow? The age old question that I remember hearing for the first time in high school. This comes down to personal preference really. There’s no reason that he can’t finish on your body somewhere as well. Or maybe your face. We see it in porn all the time, the girls anxiously waiting for the men to cum all over their face and sure it can happen but for fucks’ sake … not the eyes, guys. Cum in the eyes can sometimes cause intense irritation, redness and puffiness. Guys, if your partner is offering up their face as a landing point, try to at least aim for the lower half.

If cum in your mouth grosses you out then you HAVE to say something first. Don’t just expect that in the moment he will know your aversion to semen and stop himself before it hits the back of your throat. And guys, always remember to give a warning and give your partner the option of choosing where it ends up.

Safety First

If safe sex is a concern for you (which it should be) you can still enjoy the cock with help from a flavored condom. Condoms nowadays can be really thin so that sensation still comes through and come in all sorts of yummy flavors so you’re not stuck with a yucky taste in your mouth. All reputable sex shops should have them in stock.

Oral sex doesn’t have to be a once in a blue moon situation. Anyone can give GREAT head or handjobs with a little bit of practice. The last and most important ingredient to any adventure is of course enthusiasm! Have fun with it. Don’t suck cock just for the sake of it. Let your partner know you want to make him happy. A little sexy enthusiasm can go a hell of a long way at Christmas and beyond.

Happy Holidays!

Up next: Oral Sex for Gals: Holiday Gift Giving

When the doorbell rang, I could feel myself getting anxious. I was about to let somebody else into this very personal space that has belonged to Harvey and I for years. I . . . → Read More: Three’s Company; part 2]]> This is Part Two to this story. If you haven’t read that one, this likely will not make much sense. So please read it first!

When the doorbell rang, I could feel myself getting anxious. I was about to let somebody else into this very personal space that has belonged to Harvey and I for years. I was excited to be able to show someone else just how good I can be for him, as well as to give him the threesome that he’s never had.

As our guest is a friend of mine, it wasn’t too difficult to be able to relax and enjoy a glass of wine while he cooked dinner. There was something very calming about the two of us sitting there, watching as he prepared a meal. I was at once highly on edge and completely chilled. I could still feel the wetness between my legs from my alone time with him and wondered if I would feel ashamed that there was someone else in the room now. I didn’t.

As he cooked, we all chatted. She had yet to be put into the head space that I was in, and I felt alright taking the liberty to escape mine a little. For a few moments, we were just normal, knowing that once dinner was over things would get very interesting.When the two of them started to discuss my relationship with him, I couldn’t help but start to feel proud. All of you, curious readers, know about Harvey already. My husband knows, as do my friends. But on his side, no one knows. It’s his choice to not tell his wife but he has said that it’s his burden and he doesn’t want to give it to his friends. So to be in the same room and hear him talk not to me, but about me, was kinda’ thrilling. I recognize that it’s a bit lame, and of course unethical, but it felt good and that’s important here.

After dinner we took her on a tour of the house. It was obviously that transition period between “Ok, we’ve had dinner. Now let’s have sex.”. Walking around, nonchalantly looking at furniture was a good in between. She kissed me in the hallway and then we headed to the den area where I had been earlier shining his boots and caught up in being a good girl.

It’s hard to remember the order of everything, isn’t it? That time when everyone goes from fully clothed to completely or almost completely naked. I can still see how slow paced everything was still. Harvey was in a slight state of can I say, shock? Seeing two women in front of him, ready to do his bidding while being intimate with one another. It was porn come to life, which I suppose for any first time threesomer can be a bit unreal.

I had no idea how it was going to feel, watching him be with someone else. I was slightly worried that I was going to feel jealousy, since our relationship has been so private and intimate for five years, but watching him have his way with her; seeing him so very much enjoying the gift I had brought him, took away any fear of that. I knew that she was a good choice the moment she stopped talking. The fire in her eyes was replaced by a wonderful submissive longing and it was so sexy to be a spectator. Though she’s not a pain slut, he clothespinned her breasts as I helped. I couldn’t help feeling like I wanted him to push her. Put her in intense subspace. Break her.

For the first little while, we were simply abusing her, experimenting with how far she could go. He pushed her up against the ottoman and used his talented hands to make her his. We would pause occasionally, all feeling very relaxed in our den of sin, all naked and stuff. I really relished in the time when she and I were making out in front of him. Sometimes it was softer, more like two women on even ground. Other times I wanted to show him my dominant side with certain women, something we’ve talked about but he has never seen. I would hold her down, control the situation, pull her hair. All while he was watching, approving, taking it all in. Knowing I learned much of my skills from him.

Those moments were nice, when I felt the freedom to do whatever I wanted to. He wasn’t as dominant overall as we had discussed he would be, but his mind was slightly overloaded at the fact that the threesome we’d talked about for years was finally happening, so that’s fair. When he was though, I found it fascinating how I wouldn’t even move without knowing if it was ok with him. I wanted this to be his show. Whatever he needed or wanted, I would do. I’ve never felt so giving before. She didn’t know how to follow his rules though, was brattier and was punished for it.

I was really craving some more submission after a while as our three person hot mess had become less kink than I was hoping for and I needed to be dominated. My initial fantasy was for her to be tied up and told to watch as he abused me, his precious girl, while she was nothing but a slutty worthless visitor who had to wait her turn. Somehow knowing that she got off on being called names appealed to my own fantasies as well. It was obvious in reality that she wasn’t going to be tied up, but I was still begging for that attention. I needed him to hit me. I needed to show someone else how good I can be for him, so he obliged. He lay me on the floor and smacked my face until I cried. She interrupted to ask if I was ok as she was genuinely concerned. I nodded yes, and he told her I was. I knew that I was perfectly safe but I imagine it was hard for her to see. I liked that. I wanted it to be challenging to watch while sexy at the same time. I think we achieved that.

It wasn’t just me that he beat though. He took sometime and smacked her in the face as well despite the fact that she’s not into pain at all, but something made her stay there then. Something made her want to try, to see if she was up to the challenge, and after a few smacks, he broke her. She was crying and it was beautiful. Completely cathartic and wonderful. And really fucking hot.

We were there for hours but I felt and still feel like there was so much more that we could do. So many more fantasies that are still waiting to be fulfilled. I can only hope that it doesn’t take 5 more years to get to them.

I’m talking about the Just In Case: Condom Compact, available now at Ohhh Canada for only $12.99. It’s a great way to . . . → Read More: Product Review: Condom Compact]]> I love this little product. It’s absolutely perfect for a safe slut on the go, which makes it even more perfect as a safe slut stocking stuffer this Holiday season. Tee hee, I said “stuff”.

I’m talking about the Just In Case: Condom Compact, available now at Ohhh Canada for only $12.99. It’s a great way to keep condoms on you and out of wallets or pockets where they can get ruined or forgotten. Plus, it’s a gorgeous regular compact with a full mirror. You can reapply your lipstick in the office without anyone knowing that after everyone leaves you and the mail boy are making plans to lift up the second compartment and have a little fun in the boardroom.

Sigh … I love office sex.

Wait, where was I? Oh right, the Condom Compact. It comes in a bunch of sexy, fashionista colours, petulant pink, rendez-vous red, mystic metal and goddess gold (the gold one looks hawt!) and it’s really light so it’s not going to weigh down your purse.

If you’re a safe slut on the go, or you know one, I highly recommend it!

Buy the Just In Case: Condom Compact now from Ohhh Canada.

So today, I’m happy to review the Lelo Liv, a wonderful rechargeable vibrator that . . . → Read More: Toy Review: Lelo Liv]]> One of the perks to both writing about sex and relationships and being involved in a strong Twitter community here in Toronto is that occasionally, wonderful people like Katrina McKay from www.ohhhcanada.ca will send me products to test and share my thoughts on.

So today, I’m happy to review the Lelo Liv, a wonderful rechargeable vibrator that comes in colours cerise or lime. Sounds sort of like popsicle flavours, doesn’t it …

I admit that this year I have spent too much time with my Hitachi and not enough time with more relaxed vibrators so testing out the Lelo Liv was a bit of a challenge for me at first. Too much time with a Hitachi, you say? How is that possible? Well, the thing I find about the Magic Wand is that it doesn’t really even require me to be present for an orgasm to happen. The thing is so powerful that I can be thinking about work problems and still come without almost realizing it – as I did many times in the craptastic busy year that was 2011.

A less “HOLY CRAP” sensation is what the Lelo Liv offered and I was happy to spend more time getting worked up and turned on with it. What’s great about the Lelo Liv is not only how it feels OR that it’s virtually silent OR that it’s made of phthalate-free materials OR that it’s rechargeable, it’s how intuitive the controls are. On the left and right, you hold down the buttons to increase or decrease the intensity and on the top and bottom you hold down the buttons to switch between variations of pulsation.

The one downside to the pulse selection buttons is that instead of being able to go through all of the options on a loop, once you get to the first (or last) choice, you then have to go back, instead of being able to go through them like you would with, say, Facebook photos of a crush you’re stalking.

The Lelo Liv is wonderful for both clitoral and g-spot stimulation. It’s nice to have a vibrator that I can actually keep using during orgasm and relax gently afterward, unlike the Hitachi that I have to turn off for fear I might explode while coming. One neat trick, if you think you’re up to it, is to use the Lelo Liv inside for g-spot stimulation while using your hands / Hitachi or something else on the clit. While the Lelo Liv appears soft and gentle, it will blow your mind as to how powerful it can be in that combination.

You really can’t beat the Lelo Liv for its versatility, ease of use and the fact that it’s rechargeable and whisper quiet. Those two things right there make it one of my top three favorite toys already. Plus, you can buy it here from Ohhh Canada for only $79.99 making it a perfectly affordable Xmas gift for the woman … or women … in your life.

I suppose for . . . → Read More: Three’s Company; part 1]]> I believe pretty strongly that every man and woman deserves to be presented with the opportunity for group sex. It might not be their thing and it’s ok to say no, but with only one life to live on this earth, why do so many spend theirs not working harder on their bucket lists?

I suppose for some, it’s a matter of circumstance. Which is why I’ve been hoping for years to be able to offer Harvey a threesome. People in my life that are nice should have nice things. And what’s nicer than two gals willing to do what you say, all nekkid and stuff?

So I kept it in the back of my mind for years. Relationships with others came and went; Harvey was always around. While our level of interaction has changed over the years, the idea was never shelved. Though I don’t think he really expected it would happen; and who can blame him considering we’ve known each other for 4.5 years already, sans group sex.Then a few months or weeks ago … I don’t really remember … we started to head back down into dom/sub territory. It’s always been an aspect of our relationship; but not always at the forefront of our interactions. There isn’t simply one reason why we have explored it further lately. It’s been the perfect storm of Harvey spending more time understanding his dominant streak and gaining a new understanding for both before and aftercare of someone, combined with me having a shit time emotionally in 2011 and needing some clarity and grounding.

It’s a funny thing, to be completely aware of the fact that you’re giving more and more control to another person and to still let it happen. A few years ago it was probably a bad thing to use myself in a psychological experiment with him. Learning about submission while at the same time experiencing it with a man who hadn’t yet learned the importance of aftercare. There were many times I would go home crying, but not cathartic tears.

Now though, he gets it. And the appeal is so strong. To know, feel AND trust that he knows me; what I like, what I don’t, how far to push me and when to stop and hug … well it’s unreal. I have one wonderful man at home who takes care of me in so many ways and other out there who does in completely different ways. Sometimes it’s frustrating to have gotten so familiar with my submissive side as I realize what an important role she, Samantha, plays in the life of Sam.

But I digress.

This past weekend, Harvey had the house and some time to himself. I realized a couple of months ago that I knew a girl who might be perfect for a one time deal with him. Someone who understood discretion (though I hate that element – more on that later in part 2) and submission. After much personal anguish, the choice became clear, though complicated due to her being connected to friends of mine. While it may make some weirdness for me moving forward, I hope that it doesn’t because everything fit into place, which I had been looking for for so long.

I wanted to make sure that before she joined us that he and I had some time alone. I got over there mid afternoon and, besides some stomach wooziness, felt instant relaxation. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, there is an undeniable sense of calm in the air when I hang out with him. No drama or passive aggressiveness. If there is aggression, it’s clear and strangely soothing, delivering catharsis, not confusion.

We hung out on the couch for a while. He worked me into a gentle fever with simple denial. Easy actions that removed my control of the situation, just, for lack of a better word, nicely. His tone changed, and he told me I was pretty. He asked his trademark question “Isn’t that lovely?’ and I wasn’t about to deny that it was. I don’t get off on degradation. I get off on making someone proud and doing a good job. When he called me his little girl a couple of times, I felt an overwhelming emotional surge. Feel free to Freud me up and down ’til the cows come home on this one and I’ll be the first to admit that I know I have Daddy issues (and he is often surprisingly very much like how I remember my dad sometimes). So maybe being called someone’s little girl is all inter-connected to my childhood and feelings of inadequacy when suddenly my family structure changed and I got a new step-mum and three step-brothers. Or hey, maybe it’s just relaxing to feel a strong man’s arms around me basically telling me I’m ok and don’t need to worry about anything.

Really, who the fuck cares, as long as my vagina was amused. Which it was, so very much.

After some amusement and a slow burn orgasm (always frustrating, never embarrassing) for me, he let me know I was going to give him a bath. I remember when I first started exploring kink, I read this book “Female Submission: The Journal of Madelaine“. In it, the author talks about bathing her Dom and how it felt so nice to be of service that way and it was always something I wanted to do. There is something so very appealing in taking care of a person in that way. It’s indulgent to indulge him. So I was more than happy to head upstairs and turn on the taps.

It was calming to wash him. How strange, right? But really, it’s kind of like ironing. Hmm, except ironing sucks so maybe that’s a bad example. Let’s say it’s like baking cookies. There’s this feeling of doing something good. Taking care of him and offering him relaxation and, as I said, indulgence. It’s so easy to zone out in that moment. To focus on nothing but the task at hand. Wet. Soap. Rinse. Repeat. Service based submission was almost built for people like me with a million things on the brain at any given moment … Peace. Quiet. One task. One objective.

When he was clean, I dried him. For a moment it didn’t feel like human to human interaction, but more like an art project of some kind. It was important to do a good job, to not miss a spot … to stay within the lines. Moving slowly to not miss a spot. Doing it softly, with affection and care.

When I went into the bedroom to get his clothes, I was thankful that he didn’t follow right behind me because I was slightly taken aback and needed a moment to breathe (Remember that a couple of hours of slow subspace can give tasks like this an extra layer of overwhelming). There on the bed was his outfit, his boots and his bag of tricks. His belt folded, ever so neatly on his shirt. His shirt folded, ever so neatly on his pants. It was obvious that thought went into placing every item so precisely. And whether it was to make me feel special or just show control, make me feel special it did. He came in the room and I basically dressed him. It’s strange, thinking about it now. Almost like I was a mother dressing a child … (I did think to myself while putting his socks on that it was good practice for when I have children) … except as the “mother” I was completely not the one running the show.

Fucking fascinating.

Then we headed back down to the couch area so I could shine his boots. Not before stopping off for a quick spanking (Something I wish there had been more of. Such a relaxing feeling giving into a spanking. I’m sure some would say the same about a hot bath, but I just find that boring and sweaty face making.)

Why the idea of shining his boots appealed to me I’m not sure. I know that I had been looking forward to it for weeks. He could mention it in a task and I would feel my shoulders shrug. My mouth going into that weird little sub pout and my eyes feeling slightly … doe-esque. Such a simple task but the meaning behind it, pretty awesome. Here I am on the floor, making sure to get every little bit of dirt off these boots. Knowing he loves the things so much, I was thrilled to make them look nice for him. Again, the zone out zen feeling of focusing on a task, knowing it’s something that you’re doing for someone, feels absolutely wonderful. Combined with the fact that he was wearing them and lightly flogging me as I lay there shining – when I had anticipated originally that they’d be off in a corner, not attached to his feet, while I did it – it was perfect.

The look of aggression was getting pretty strong in his eyes at this point. Once I was finished he slammed me to the floor and tied my hands. He gagged me (cursing my small head for being too small to really fit the gag) and abused me a little. All par for the course, really. It’s lovely to be abused sometimes. To be a doll for someone else’s amusement. Again, the lack of thought is zen. Why zen translates into a wet vagina is something that scientists can figure out. I am just glad it does and consider myself lucky to have made the connection.

After some abuse, I went into the bathroom to wash the polish off my hands. I came out, realized they weren’t totally dry and went back in to dry them completely. I paused just long enough to realize what had just happened. These, albeit strange to some people, fantasies that I had for so long; the bath, the planning, the boots, they had all just happened. He was of course doing it for himself, but I was certainly being considered. Another emotion wave hit me and before I knew it he was right behind me. His intuition has always been one of his stronger points and over the past little while has been ridiculously on point. At that moment when my subconscious started thinking “Woah, this is intense. You sure you’re handling it ok?”, I was able to collapse into a hug and have him tell me it was ok.

I hadn’t even had a chance to realize I was questioning it before he told me what the answer was.

Next we headed to the kitchen. Our guest was due to arrive in ten minutes.

More on that in the next post. It’s kind of ridiculous how many words this one got to already and I’m sleepy!

Attendees . . . → Read More: Upcoming workshop: Sex In The City]]> We hear and see sex everywhere but even with all of the information out there, how many people are truly enjoying happy, healthy sex lives? In this workshop, educator, author and organizer of Playground, Samantha Fraser will engage participants in a dialogue to help them bridge the gaps between sex and sexuality.

Attendees will learn how to break through the layers of expectation, self-doubt and perception, holding so many back from sexual freedom, to connect confidently with what they really want, need and desire. Topics discussed will include body acceptance, communication, misconceptions, self-love and more.

Come with questions if you feel comfortable sharing your stories or simply sit back and listen. People of all genders, orientations and relationship styles can benefit from this workshop.

Admission: $30, pre-registration is required. If you do not purchase a ticket, you will not be admitted to the workshop.

[REGISTER ONLINE HERE]

Refreshments will be served.

Sunday, June 5th, 4-6 pm
Lucky You
2920 Dundas Street West
Toronto, Ontario
www.lucky-you.ca